Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Evangelion]

That's rich, coming from a man whose name spelt backwards is E Ba Gum.

(A Yorkshireman has been described as a Scotsman with all the generosity taken out.)

[bristolracer]

ChemicalChaos said:

Not sure if he's actually being serious rather than joking, but it certainly made me laugh...

There is nothing whatsoever funny about that man
Of all the despot dictators we have knocked off their perches,he above all others deserves a cruise missile up him

[MartG]

Mality Mality Mality Mality - well that's the formalitys out of the way...

[Nom de ploom]

I've just joined a private club for people with Tourettes' it took four hours to get sworn in.....



wife says "I wish I had bigger tits", i said "rub paper in between them", she said "will that work?", I said "its worked on your arse....."

[Sticks.]

I was in the pub with the wife the other day and I said
'I love you'
'Is that just the beer talking?' she asked,
'No', I replied, 'that's me talking to the beer'.

[anonymous-user]

Nom de ploom said:

I've just joined a private club for people with Tourettes' it took four hours to get sworn in.....



wife says "I wish I had bigger tits", i said "rub paper in between them", she said "will that work?", I said "its worked on your arse....."

and

[fatboy18]

Titter, Titter

[Caruso]

Have you noticed we have the same things in England as they have in America only less impressive.

For instance the americans have Cow Tipping and we have Fly Tipping.

[MartG]

[mickk]

Just had a phone call from my friend, he said "What are you doing at the moment"

I said "Probably failing my driving test"

[Lordbenny]

Can someone tell me who decides what constitutes an offensive joke? Is it down to an individual
Mod or is there a rulebook? What is funny to one person may not be to another, jokes and comedy cannot be subject to censorship. We have had lots of jokes about dead personalities that some people may find offensive, I certainly my don't. I had my post deleted today because a mod deemed it offensive. Can we find out which mod it was and ask him or her how and why they think we're offended? After all some jokes are meant to offend....get over it!

[anonymous-user]

It was bad though!

[SeeFive]

I thought it was dark, pushing the boundaries for some but fine with me as I have a similar "anything goes" view on humour to you - exception being the pointless Frankie Boyle style rude personal insults shock jock drivel.

I could understand how the post could "upset" someone with a bad recent experience, rather than generally offend some people, and maybe that was the reason. For example, I decided not to show it to the other half (ex midwife / kids nurse etc) but had no issue with it being posted or seeing it myself.

I guess the answer is we don't get to make the rules for what is appropriate or not for PH forums, and tuck in behind when necessary to avoid conflict with the more sensitive folks in the wider membership.

[McAndy]

MartG said:

It's taken me 21 hours, but I've just understood this.

[anonymous-user]

McAndy said:

It's taken me 21 hours, but I've just understood this.

Same but I thought I would look stupid if I admitted it first!

[McAndy]

V6Pushfit said:

Same but I thought I would look stupid if I admitted it first!

At least I look silly and brave!

(Or foolhardy.)

[Doofus]

Well it means bugger all to me...

[Laurel Green]

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

[anonymous-user]

Too late mate.

[Muntu]

My job as a medieval rent boy is going well.

I'm getting a knight off tomorrow.