Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[kowalski655]

McAndy said:

MartG said:

It's taken me 21 hours, but I've just understood this.

Right hand tortoise-he has a squirrel hiding in his shell

[anonymous-user]

kowalski655 said:

McAndy said:

MartG said:

It's taken me 21 hours, but I've just understood this.

Right hand tortoise-he has a squirrel hiding in his shell

had me going there for a moment

[Laurel Green]

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

[Vipers]

The man who invented predictive text died yesterday.

His funfair is next monkey.

[jbudgie]

kowalski655 said:

McAndy said:

MartG said:

It's taken me 21 hours, but I've just understood this.

Right hand tortoise-he has a squirrel hiding in his shell

I thought that was a snail on his its back.
Still doesn't look like a squirrel.

[kowalski655]

Its a squirrel tail,unless tortoises have wierd furry tails.

Maybe on the Galapogos Islands, due to the inbreeding

[jbudgie]

Squirrel's tail?

Where's the squirrel then ?

[anonymous-user]

They're turtles!!

[kowalski655]

Probably best not to think about that

[anonymous-user]

V6Pushfit said:

They're turtles!!

Or have I got the joke wrong?.....

[jbudgie]

V6Pushfit said:

They're turtles!!

No, Tortoises.

[anonymous-user]

jbudgie said:

No, Tortoises.

It's is a hilarious joke about turtles isn't it?

Did I piss myself on wrong information?

[jbudgie]

V6Pushfit said:

jbudgie said:

No, Tortoises.

It's is a hilarious joke about turtles isn't it?

Did I piss myself on wrong information?

Turtles have sort of flippers for feet--those are tortoise feet.

[anonymous-user]

What's the bloody joke then?? I've circulated it at work and clearly don't get it myself.

[mickk]

I treated the wife to one of those fish pedicures and I must say I was very pleased with the result.

Those piranhas don't fk about!

[Vipers]

V6Pushfit said:

What's the bloody joke then?? I've circulated it at work and clearly don't get it myself.

I am thinking piles, squirrels.

[anonymous-user]

Still don't get it are you sure?
I was on a 'turtles head' theory which is why I thought it was hilarious

[Doofus]

V6Pushfit said:

What's the bloody joke then?? I've circulated it at work and clearly don't get it myself.

This times a billion

vipers said:

I am thinking piles, squirrels.

Which one is crying?

[havoc]

At the risk of the poor kittens, I thought it was a play on having squirrels in your loft (i.e. they're a bugger to get rid of as they're immune to a lot of common poisons and too quick for a cat to easily catch).

[Ayahuasca]

In America, squirrels are pronounced 'squirls'.

make sense now?