Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
A London banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and rips off the
car door, zooming off without stopping.
More than a little distraught, the banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'
'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche
owner.
The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'
The Londoner looks down in horror. ‘Oh F***!' he screams... Where's my Rolex?
car door, zooming off without stopping.
More than a little distraught, the banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'
'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche
owner.
The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'
The Londoner looks down in horror. ‘Oh F***!' he screams... Where's my Rolex?
Lordbenny said:
Can someone tell me who decides what constitutes an offensive joke? Is it down to an individual
Mod or is there a rulebook? What is funny to one person may not be to another, jokes and comedy cannot be subject to censorship. We have had lots of jokes about dead personalities that some people may find offensive, I certainly my don't. I had my post deleted today because a mod deemed it offensive. Can we find out which mod it was and ask him or her how and why they think we're offended? After all some jokes are meant to offend....get over it!
I found it offencive, I have lost 3 young cousins (one at 9yrs old to leukemia), cancer treatment is much better nowadays and we can all have a jibe at adults but when kids are involved it takes it over the edge IMOMod or is there a rulebook? What is funny to one person may not be to another, jokes and comedy cannot be subject to censorship. We have had lots of jokes about dead personalities that some people may find offensive, I certainly my don't. I had my post deleted today because a mod deemed it offensive. Can we find out which mod it was and ask him or her how and why they think we're offended? After all some jokes are meant to offend....get over it!
.....And NO im not a Mod.
Edited by fatboy18 on Wednesday 28th September 21:17
havoc said:
At the risk of the poor kittens, I thought it was a play on having squirrels in your loft (i.e. they're a bugger to get rid of as they're immune to a lot of common poisons and too quick for a cat to easily catch).
This ^^^^. How hard can it be? :sigh: Sometimes people can overthink stuff.
Please can you all put the kitten remains in the recycling bin now?
fatboy18 said:
found it offencive, I have lost 3 young cousins (one at 9yrs old to leukemia), cancer treatment is much better nowadays and we can all have a jibe at adults but when kids are involved it takes it over the edge IMO
.....And NO im not a Mod
Is that a problem? Would you rather not have seen it?.....And NO im not a Mod
I'm not related to Arnold Palmer but maybe if I was I might be offended by recent jokes
Most jokes have a 'brunt' but it's up to the reader to decide whether they have been offended or not I suppose.
Am I wrong for posting it? I still can't make up my mind if I should have posted it or not. I think I did to make a point that I don't think there's no such thing as too offensive unless it directly concerns somebody. A LOT of people have been affected by cancer....but not so many people are related to Arnold Palmer!
Lordbenny said:
Is that a problem? Would you rather not have seen it?
I'm not related to Arnold Palmer but maybe if I was I might be offended by recent jokes
Most jokes have a 'brunt' but it's up to the reader to decide whether they have been offended or not I suppose.
Am I wrong for posting it? I still can't make up my mind if I should have posted it or not. I think I did to make a point that I don't think there's no such thing as too offensive unless it directly concerns somebody. A LOT of people have been affected by cancer....but not so many people are related to Arnold Palmer!
I'm surprised it has been taken down. Mods being a bit sensitive given the many jokes that have stayed up. It was dark, sure, but the Cyanide and Happiness thread is allowed to run with many worse jokes.I'm not related to Arnold Palmer but maybe if I was I might be offended by recent jokes
Most jokes have a 'brunt' but it's up to the reader to decide whether they have been offended or not I suppose.
Am I wrong for posting it? I still can't make up my mind if I should have posted it or not. I think I did to make a point that I don't think there's no such thing as too offensive unless it directly concerns somebody. A LOT of people have been affected by cancer....but not so many people are related to Arnold Palmer!
Anyhow, I'm off topic and this post isn't funny.
Difficult to understand why there's all this fuss about the new iPhone not having a headphone jack when it's so easily fixed: http://youtu.be/5tqH-Un9SFU
Dear Help Line,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, play golf with his buddies and have sex with hookers, while I work so hard to pay our bills.
Since our daughter went away to college and then got married, he doesn't even pretend to like me, and he hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States!
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, play golf with his buddies and have sex with hookers, while I work so hard to pay our bills.
Since our daughter went away to college and then got married, he doesn't even pretend to like me, and he hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States!
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