Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
MartG said:
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "s
t."
Are you Viper in disguise? that joke only needs to go as far as "no she's left handed". Do you tell your friends jokes in that manner? Are they all a bit thick?WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "s
t."
Tescos, good, occasionally busy later.
Sainsburys, moderate to good, sale on Corn Flakes.
Asda, slight to moderate, heavy crowds by evening.
Marks and Spencers and Co-Op, fair.
Waitrose fair to moderate, spillage in isle 7.
Lidl, rough at first, moderate later.
And that's the end of the Shopping Forecast.
Sainsburys, moderate to good, sale on Corn Flakes.
Asda, slight to moderate, heavy crowds by evening.
Marks and Spencers and Co-Op, fair.
Waitrose fair to moderate, spillage in isle 7.
Lidl, rough at first, moderate later.
And that's the end of the Shopping Forecast.
A man calls his lawyer and asks... "With all the lawsuits going on, I want to get in on some of that action. I hear people are suing cigarette companies because they got cancer and others are suing McDonald's because they got fat.""And which one of those categories do you fit under?" "Neither," says the man. "I just want to know if I can sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've ended up with after the bar closed.
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