Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
GOG440 said:
A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew the shotgun over and it discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his surgeon..
"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?"asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your Todger which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
" Not exactly answered the surgeon. "She's a flute player in the London Philharmonic Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye"
I remember who told me that, when I worked with him in 83/4. Good though Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his surgeon..
"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?"asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your Todger which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
" Not exactly answered the surgeon. "She's a flute player in the London Philharmonic Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye"
. A man was coming around from an operation on his crown jewels. The surgeon was there and said:
'I've got some good news for you and some bad news, which would you like first?' He replied,
'I'm feeling pretty rough, give me the good news first'.
'Well, the good news is we've saved your testicles'.
'And the bad news...?'
'They're under your pillow'.
MartG said:
Some breaking news......250 dogs have been reported stolen in the St Austell and Liskeard areas of Cornwall.
A Devon & Cornwall police spokesman has stated that as of now the police have no leads.
Talking about the Devon & Cornwall police, someone stole their toilets as well, they had nothing to go on.A Devon & Cornwall police spokesman has stated that as of now the police have no leads.
V6Pushfit said:
Vipers said:
Talking about the Devon & Cornwall police, someone stole their toilets as well, they had nothing to go on.
There's a big hole appeared in the ground outside their Police Station.They are looking into it.
I think they were the two same vagrants, who after riding the bins outside a supermarket, sat down to eat their finds
Suddenly one asked the other
T1 Have you s
t yourself?
T2 No i havent
T1 Are you sure there is a strong smell of st?
T2 I've told you No i havent.
T1 ( smelling T2 close up) It is you i can smell it
T2 I havent,
T1 Drop your trousers then.
T2 drops his breeks and there is an immense amount of st there
T1 (Triumphantly pointing at the evidence) There you ying bd you have st yourself
T2 Oh, i thought you meant today!
Suddenly one asked the other
T1 Have you s
t yourself?T2 No i havent
T1 Are you sure there is a strong smell of s
t?T2 I've told you No i havent.
T1 ( smelling T2 close up) It is you i can smell it
T2 I havent,
T1 Drop your trousers then.
T2 drops his breeks and there is an immense amount of s
t thereT1 (Triumphantly pointing at the evidence) There you ying b
d you have st yourselfT2 Oh, i thought you meant today!
V6Pushfit said:
Vipers said:
Talking about the Devon & Cornwall police, someone stole their toilets as well, they had nothing to go on.
There's a big hole appeared in the ground outside their Police Station.They are looking into it.
Being a bit confused, he said "Isnt that the plant hire company", guy said "No sir, its the zoo".
Edited by Vipers on Monday 3rd October 10:03
MartG said:
Just heard on Radio Norfolk that a lorry-load of wigs has gone missing somewhere near East Dereham; police are combing the area.
They must be under huge pressure in Norfolk, only last month, they were investigating the theft of two lorry loads of wool.And two weeks ago, local shop was held up at gun point whilst thieves got away with the entire stock of knitting needles.
The Police think it's part of a pattern...
Quickmoose said:
MartG said:
Just heard on Radio Norfolk that a lorry-load of wigs has gone missing somewhere near East Dereham; police are combing the area.
They must be under huge pressure in Norfolk, only last month, they were investigating the theft of two lorry loads of wool.And two weeks ago, local shop was held up at gun point whilst thieves got away with the entire stock of knitting needles.
The Police think it's part of a pattern...
Been to Leiston lately?Morningside said:
Quickmoose said:
MartG said:
Just heard on Radio Norfolk that a lorry-load of wigs has gone missing somewhere near East Dereham; police are combing the area.
They must be under huge pressure in Norfolk, only last month, they were investigating the theft of two lorry loads of wool.And two weeks ago, local shop was held up at gun point whilst thieves got away with the entire stock of knitting needles.
The Police think it's part of a pattern...
Been to Leiston lately?And here is news just coming in.........It has been reported that approximately 500 pairs of ladies knickers have been stolen from washing lines in the Wallingford area of Oxfordshire......Superintendent Plebeian of the local tasking unit has stated, "Despite the lack of manpower and recent cuts in resources we WILL be making a brief investigation".
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