Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Might have posted this before.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Evangelion said:
Skyrat said:
A scientist presents a dog to a conference room full of colleagues, claiming he's taught the dog Morse code. There are snorts of derision and laughter until someone shouts "Ok, prove it!"
The dog walks over to the desk and, with his paw, taps out "dit dah dah, dah dah dah, dah dah dah, dit dit dah dit".
There's stunned silence until one of them asks "So what did he say?
The scientist replies, "Woof!"
I would respectfully suggest that only the first two lines of that joke are necessary.The dog walks over to the desk and, with his paw, taps out "dit dah dah, dah dah dah, dah dah dah, dit dit dah dit".
There's stunned silence until one of them asks "So what did he say?
The scientist replies, "Woof!"
The second two fall into the 'never heard the shot/when the fight started' category.
Have you nothing better to do with your life than this? 
Johnspex said:
Lordbenny said:
Err, I don't get it.....apart from the fact that people buying iPhones are like sheep in that they all buy them when it comes out but shirley that cant be the joke can it?
Do you still think the Shirley joke is funny or can you really not spell? It's surely for FFS.vx220 said:
Vipers said:
A bank robber pulls out a sawn off shot gun, and says "Hand over the money"
The cashier says "Are you Irish"
He says "Yes, how did you know"
Cashier says "You sawed the wrong end off"
PS yes it's an old one
Kittens and everything, but don't you saw off both ends anyway?The cashier says "Are you Irish"
He says "Yes, how did you know"
Cashier says "You sawed the wrong end off"
PS yes it's an old one
[/quote
Strictly speaking no ,the original idea of the shortened barrels was to increase the shot spread over a shorter distance ,reducing the stock came to aid the concealment of the weapon and the rapid deployment of the same from under clothing or deep coat pockets .
grumpy52 said:
vx220 said:
Vipers said:
A bank robber pulls out a sawn off shot gun, and says "Hand over the money"
The cashier says "Are you Irish"
He says "Yes, how did you know"
Cashier says "You sawed the wrong end off"
PS yes it's an old one
Kittens and everything, but don't you saw off both ends anyway?The cashier says "Are you Irish"
He says "Yes, how did you know"
Cashier says "You sawed the wrong end off"
PS yes it's an old one
MartG said:
A guy goes into a Scottish baker's.
"How much is that cake?"
"A poond."
"And how much is that one?"
"A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!"
"Oh, OK. What about that one?"
"Ach, that one's two poonds."
"Oh. Why's that then?"
"That's Madeira cake.".
A Scottish soldier newly arrived at the Front is being brought up to speed by an old hand. They are discussing the local cuisine."How much is that cake?"
"A poond."
"And how much is that one?"
"A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!"
"Oh, OK. What about that one?"
"Ach, that one's two poonds."
"Oh. Why's that then?"
"That's Madeira cake.".
Old Hand - "Eggs is oofs, so if ye want an egg ye ask for 'an oof'."
New Recruit - "What if ye want twa eggs?"
Old Hand - "Well, ye jist ask for 'twa oofs', the silly buggers gie ye three, an' ye send wan back".
Halmyre said:
MartG said:
A guy goes into a Scottish baker's.
"How much is that cake?"
"A poond."
"And how much is that one?"
"A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!"
"Oh, OK. What about that one?"
"Ach, that one's two poonds."
"Oh. Why's that then?"
"That's Madeira cake.".
A Scottish soldier newly arrived at the Front is being brought up to speed by an old hand. They are discussing the local cuisine."How much is that cake?"
"A poond."
"And how much is that one?"
"A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!"
"Oh, OK. What about that one?"
"Ach, that one's two poonds."
"Oh. Why's that then?"
"That's Madeira cake.".
Old Hand - "Eggs is oofs, so if ye want an egg ye ask for 'an oof'."
New Recruit - "What if ye want twa eggs?"
Old Hand - "Well, ye jist ask for 'twa oofs', the silly buggers gie ye three, an' ye send wan back".
Shopkeeper says "Aye, it is a cake, and ye're nae wrang."
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