Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[K12beano]

^^^

May have to purloin a couple of those .... Brilliant!

[Laurel Green]

As above...

[Hooli]

MartG said:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won ten grand with Claims Direct

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Of course...it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
Now he can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry..
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

[h8tax]

Mary had a little lamb,
And it was always gruntin',
So she tied it to a lamppost,
And kicked its little in

[Catweazle]

Mary had a little lamb
and it would jump with glee,
It tried to jump a barbed wire fence
and now that lamb's a she.

[Jonboy_t]

Mary had a little dress,
It was split straight up the side,
Everywhere that may went,
The boys could see her thigh.

Mary had another dress,
It was split straight up the front,
Mary didn't wear that one very often.

[LordHaveMurci]

Peaches Geldop didn't just kill herself, looks like she did for this thread too

[Laurel Green]

“I went to a restaurant the other day called ‘Taste of the Raj.’ The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.”

[Laurel Green]

What is small, red and whispers? – A hoarse radish.

[Nom de ploom]

Jonboy_t said:

Mary had a little dress,
It was split straight up the side,
Everywhere that may went,
The boys could see her thigh.

Mary had another dress,
It was split straight up the front,
Mary didn't wear that one very often.

[YankeePorker]

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them on the mantelpiece,
To see if they would...get on ok.

[wilfandrowlf]

Jonboy_t said:

Mary had a little dress,
It was split straight up the side,
Everywhere that may went,
The boys could see her thigh.

Mary had another dress,
It was split straight up the front,
Mary didn't wear that one very often.

Damn!.....beat me to it

[Jonboy_t]

Mary is a low class we,
Just 20 quid an hour,
But every time you shoot your load,
Be sure to take a shower.

For Mary has a hidden past,
And word is slow to travel,
But when she was an eight year old,
She got fked by Jimmy Saville.

She also had a run in once,
With a younger Gary Glitter,
So be sure to have a tetanus shot,
If you do her up the stter.

[EarlOfHazard]

Jonboy_t said:

Mary is a low class we,
Just 20 quid an hour,
But every time you shoot your load,
Be sure to take a shower.

For Mary has a hidden past,
And word is slow to travel,
But when she was an eight year old,
She got fked by Jimmy Saville.

She also had a run in once,
With a younger Gary Glitter,
So be sure to have a tetanus shot,
If you do her up the stter.

Well, that escalated quickly!

[pincher]

[DragsterRR]

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in a bucket
but every time the lamb got out
her sheepdog tried to...put it back in again.

[ChemicalChaos]

Mary had a little lamb
She and it were buddies
It followed her to school
And got an A in media studies

[Impasse]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
I don't know what they did up there
But now they've got a daughter.

[Laurel Green]

Mary had a little Lamb - she was on a diet.

[Kenty]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill came down with half a crown
But not for fetching water