Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[48k]

My pet parrot died this morning

His last words were "fk! I think my parrot is about to die"

[Halmyre]

Burglar breaks into a house and he's prowling around when he hears a voice saying "Slasher is watching you!". Startled, he shines a torch and sees a parrot in a cage. "Slasher is watching you!" it says. The burglar laughs. "Slasher is a stupid name for a parrot", he says. "Bloody good name for a Dobermann, though" says the parrot...

[Mastiff]

I found a suitcase with four puppies in it beside the canal this morning.

I range The RSPCA and the lady asked me of they were moving.

"I'm not sure" I said "but it would explain the suitcase....."

[MartG]

Mastiff said:

I found a suitcase with four puppies in it beside the canal this morning.

I range The RSPCA and the lady asked me of they were moving.

"I'm not sure" I said "but it would explain the suitcase....."

They were foxes a few pages ago

[MartG]

I'm so pessimistic I don't even own a glass.

[Halmyre]

Man goes to visit his pal in hospital. Pal is lying in full body cast, all four limbs, traction, neck brace, etc. "What happened to you?" he enquires. Pal replies "I told my wife wild horses wouldn't drag me to her mother's. I still don't know where she got them from."

[MartG]

"Ladies and gents."
That concludes our tour of the toilets.

[Alex]

MartG said:

"Ladies and gents."
That concludes our tour of the toilets.

I gave a speech about sex once:
"It gives me great pleasure..."
And sat down.

[Monkeylegend]

Halmyre said:

Burglar breaks into a house and he's prowling around when he hears a voice saying "Slasher is watching you!". Startled, he shines a torch and sees a parrot in a cage. "Slasher is watching you!" it says. The burglar laughs. "Slasher is a stupid name for a parrot", he says. "Bloody good name for a Dobermann, though" says the parrot...

It was Jesus a few pages ago

[B'stard Child]

glenrobbo said:

mickk said:

Thought I'd seen it before.

Only ten bloody times since yesterday morning!

Is this some kind of re-posting record attempt?

If so just let us know so we can all re-post it/ quote it yet again for posterity.

Good grief!

To be honest it's nowhere near the number of times that racist is used in NP&E forum so I can tolerate a few reposts here

[boobles]

Joined a rock band just over a year ago & we are called 16 megabytes....


































Still haven't got 1 gig yet

[wilfandrowlf]

I joined a rock band last year, we were called The Symbolics.........

















.....only trouble is Sym has left!

[AW111]

wilfandrowlf said:

I joined a rock band last year, we were called The Symbolics.........

















.....only trouble is Sym has left!

Never mind.

[boobles]

Never mind bolics?

[wilfandrowlf]

boobles said:

Never mind bolics?

https://www.discogs.com/Sex-Pistols-Never-Mind-The-bks-Heres-The-Sex-Pistols/release/2760318

HTH

[AW111]

boobles said:

Never mind bolics?

Either I'm due a parrot, or you are...






Edit : dammit, beaten by a man and his dog .

[Jonboy_t]

I joined a band called The Waist Lines. We're big in America.

I joined another band called The Pessimists. You probably wouldn't like it.

I joined another band called The Prevention. Were better than The Cure.

[boobles]

Oh dear what have I started!!!!!!

[Muntu]

I was in a band called "Missing Cat"








You've probably seen the posters

[Muntu]

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band. I just would just stand around and ting.