Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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sparkythecat

7,905 posts

256 months

Wednesday 7th December 2016
quotequote all
Sheepdog pups for sale.

Come buy.

anonymous-user

55 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
sparkythecat said:
Sheepdog pups for sale.

Come buy.
Pigeons for sale

Need homing

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
V6Pushfit said:
sparkythecat said:
Sheepdog pups for sale.

Come buy.
Pigeons for sale

Need homing
Canaries for Sale

(The Spanish can no longer afford the upkeep)

MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
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MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all

thomasjonny69

64 posts

91 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in Her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to The bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the five quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special
for you. I asked him what I should give you'.

He said, 'F**k him. Give him a fiver.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.

Morningside

24,111 posts

230 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
MartG said:
Well at least it would come back.

thomasjonny69

64 posts

91 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
I hear that the recent economic downturn is even hitting Battersea Dogs home - Apparently they are about to call in the retrievers.

MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
Why don't owls go on dates in the rain?
'Cos it's to wet to woo

MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
I went back to see my doctor yesterday.
I said, "I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."
"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.
I said, "On the bus."

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
"She shells she shells on the she shore"






She?

Shimples!

MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
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K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
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I didn't Believe in Father Christmas either....

SeeFive

8,280 posts

234 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
K12beano said:
I didn't Believe in Father Christmas either....
The end of Santa's little ELPers. frown

MartG

20,693 posts

205 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
SeeFive said:
K12beano said:
I didn't Believe in Father Christmas either....
The end of Santa's little ELPers. frown
frown

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
Very dangerous coming down the mountain too quickly:

Twenty-First Century Skis Oiled Man

Halmyre

11,215 posts

140 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
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(Un)Lucky Man...

Laurel Green

30,781 posts

233 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
MartG said:
I went back to see my doctor yesterday.
I said, "I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."
"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.
I said, "On the bus."
laugh

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

256 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
cologne2792 said:
How many surrealist's does it take to change a light bulb ?

A Banana.
How many apostrophes does it take to make a plural?...smile

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

256 months

Thursday 8th December 2016
quotequote all
K12beano said:
V6Pushfit said:
sparkythecat said:
Sheepdog pups for sale.

Come buy.
Pigeons for sale

Need homing
Canaries for Sale

(The Spanish can no longer afford the upkeep)
Sheep for sale

Needs velcro

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