Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[MartG]

[K12beano]

MartG said:

But Shirley that's adhesive if you fusser form dicksailier........?

[Muntu]

My lab assistant invented a device that steals people's ideas and then deletes them from the subject's memory.

Why didn't I think of that?

[skeggysteve]

K12beano said:

I didn't Believe in Father Christmas either....

[MartG]

Advent colander

[cologne2792]

mybrainhurts said:

cologne2792 said:

How many surrealist's does it take to change a light bulb ?

A Banana.

How many apostrophes does it take to make a plural?...

One million Daily Mail journalists.

[K12beano]

cologne2792 said:

mybrainhurts said:

cologne2792 said:

How many surrealist's does it take to change a light bulb ?

A Banana.

How many apostrophes does it take to make a plural?...

One million Daily Mail journalists.

If you had an infinite number of Guardian journalists with an infinite number of word processors, given enough time they could re-create the compel work of Shapeskear.

[Skyedriver]

MartG said:

I shouldn't laugh. But I did.
As did my 11 year old son

[Vipers]

Skyedriver said:

MartG said:

I shouldn't laugh. But I did.
As did my 11 year old son

Bugger, saw that yesterday and thought about posting, good one though, well done.

[mybrainhurts]

K12beano said:

cologne2792 said:

mybrainhurts said:

cologne2792 said:

How many surrealist's does it take to change a light bulb ?

A Banana.

How many apostrophes does it take to make a plural?...

One million Daily Mail journalists.

If you had an infinite number of Guardian journalists with an infinite number of word processors, given enough time they could re-create the compel work of Shapeskear.

Ohhhh, no....they couldn't

[MartG]

[Cold]

Poor old Santa. He had a very sore throat so went to see his GP. The doctor told him he'd have to have his tinsels out.

[anonymous-user]

Cold said:

Poor old Santa. He had a very sore throat so went to see his GP. The doctor told him he'd have to have his tinsels out.

I thought he was in Rude 'ealth

[Evangelion]

Have you seen the Jehovah's Witnesses Advent Calendar?

Every door you open, there's a bloke stood behind it going "fk OFF!!"

[MartG]

A white horse walks into a bar and sits on a stool.. Barman comes over and says " what can I get you?",
Horse says " orange juice please"
Barman says " I thought you'd have had a whisky, you know we've got one named after you..."
Horse says "what...Walter.?"

[MartG]

Right, that's it!

I'm moving to Sorry, Not in Service.

I've been waiting an hour for my bus and they've had six.

[MartG]

[cologne2792]

Evangelion said:

Have you seen the Jehovah's Witnesses Advent Calendar?

Every door you open, there's a bloke stood behind it going "fk OFF!!"

An oxymoron.

[louiebaby]

MartG said:

A white horse walks into a bar and sits on a stool.. Barman comes over and says " what can I get you?",
Horse says " orange juice please"
Barman says " I thought you'd have had a whisky, you know we've got one named after you..."
Horse says "what...Walter.?"

Reminds me of the talking duck plasterer joke!

[Le TVR]

Evangelion said:

Have you seen the Jehovah's Witnesses Advent Calendar?

Every door you open, there's a bloke stood behind it going "fk OFF!!"

Which reminds me: