Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Ari said:
silverfoxcc said:
And whilst on a Jewish theme, There were two rabbis on a trip to China. as they entered a village, miles from the nearst large town, they thought they heard a cantor singing in perfect Hebrew. They looked at each other in amazement, and followed the sound, and on turning a corner found a synagogue with a service in progress. They entered and saw that it was full of Chinese people attending a bar mitzvah. At the end of the service they approached the rabbi and congratulated him on such a wonderful service. The cantor looked at them quizzically and asked.
'how do you know so much about the bar mitzvah?'
They replied 'We are Rabbis from London'
The cantor said
'You dont look Jewish'
either you will behaving a good chuckle or saying Eh?
Once I read it a second time and realised it was two rabbis, not two rabbits, I thought it would make more sense.'how do you know so much about the bar mitzvah?'
They replied 'We are Rabbis from London'
The cantor said
'You dont look Jewish'
either you will behaving a good chuckle or saying Eh?
It didn't...
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson. Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, I have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
Nobody see happen. Iron curtain in way. Skyedriver said:
The joke was rubbish but I did laugh at the fact you thought it was rabbits
It's about 21 hours since the rabbi(t?) joke was posted and about 15 hours since I read it, and at last the penny has dropped! Kerching! DOH! Ha bloody ha!
What's Chinese for "Oy vey"?
P.S. Now I'm wondering why Silverfoxcc was posting at that ungodly hour.
Edited by glenrobbo on Monday 9th January 23:15
Police in Doncaster pulled over a local lad today and were amazed to find the car taxed MOT tested and insured.
It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found.
The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points.
A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."
It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found.
The driver was sober AND He had a full licence and no points.
A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Now that made me chuckle 
This is a great site for jewish jokes, AND you get to learn yiddish!!
http://www.awordinyoureye.com/index.html
So back to normal service
Two guys, lets csll them Fred and Bert were both fanatical anglers used to meet each other to go every week. Sat on the bank, not much conversation, but enjoyed each others company, and had been doing this for years, and was the only time they met.
One day Fred wasnt there, so Bertished and wnet home. Next Week same thing, and the week after. The next week Bert turns up. After a while Fred asks
F Been ill Bert?
B No
F so why the absence?
B Got married
F Thats nice, Whats she like, is she pretty?
B No bloody ugly if you ask me
F So is she good in bed then?
B No frigid as anything
F Must be able to cook great?
B No even burns water, bloody useless
F Hold on, she ugly, no sex, cant cook,why did tyou marry her then
B she's got worms
http://www.awordinyoureye.com/index.html
So back to normal service
Two guys, lets csll them Fred and Bert were both fanatical anglers used to meet each other to go every week. Sat on the bank, not much conversation, but enjoyed each others company, and had been doing this for years, and was the only time they met.
One day Fred wasnt there, so Bertished and wnet home. Next Week same thing, and the week after. The next week Bert turns up. After a while Fred asks
F Been ill Bert?
B No
F so why the absence?
B Got married
F Thats nice, Whats she like, is she pretty?
B No bloody ugly if you ask me
F So is she good in bed then?
B No frigid as anything
F Must be able to cook great?
B No even burns water, bloody useless
F Hold on, she ugly, no sex, cant cook,why did tyou marry her then
B she's got worms
john2443 said:
Having a clear out.
I've been thinking about selling my John Lennon CD's on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.
Made me chuckle this morning.I've been thinking about selling my John Lennon CD's on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.
Just seen a really angry window cleaner. He was using his jumper to clean a window.
I think he's lost his rag!
Edited by Fluffsri on Thursday 12th January 07:23
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