Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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Evangelion

7,734 posts

179 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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Lord of the Ringos - an aristocrat is unable to decide whether to take drumming lessons or sit at home eating potato-based snacks.

ApOrbital

9,966 posts

119 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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Can we have some jokes?

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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Let me just be helping you here......
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokings?

PoleDriver

28,647 posts

195 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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I was just scanning some dvds a came across a Sylvester Stallone one... F.I.S.T. Fortunately good sense prevailed (for once) before I tried extending the title! smile

ApOrbital

9,966 posts

119 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
K12beano said:
Let me just be helping you here......
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokings?
Are you bloody yoda?

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

256 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
ApOrbital said:
Can we have some jokes?
Nah, must be thick, I just don't get that one....

PoleDriver

28,647 posts

195 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
First Lady:Whats that?
Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
First Lady: Where did you get it?
Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

PoleDriver

28,647 posts

195 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
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I've been trying to give up innuendos without success, it's just to damned hard!

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

256 months

Tuesday 24th January 2017
quotequote all
PoleDriver said:
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
First Lady:Whats that?
Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet.
First Lady: Where did you get it?
Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
hehe

Reminds me of a true story. WW2 Polish(?) pilots training in Canada on Brewster Buffaloes had to wrap cloth round the carbs and set fire to them to get some heat in before the engines would start.

They tried lots of stuff and found that sanitary towels were best for the job.

Bloke was sent to a big store to acquire their whole stock of STs.

A surprised shop worker asked why the bloke wanted all those sanitary towels...

Oh, we need them for the buffaloes said he...

Seems her face was a picture...hehe

LordGrover

33,549 posts

213 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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mybrainhurts said:
Nah, must be thick, I just don't get that one....
That's just a coincidence.

PoleDriver

28,647 posts

195 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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My uncle choked to death on a piece of cheese. Now I can't have my picture taken without bursting into tears...

callmedave

2,686 posts

146 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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PoleDriver said:
My uncle choked to death on a piece of cheese. Now I can't have my picture taken without bursting into tears...
Wooosh, Anyone else?

havoc

30,086 posts

236 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?

mickk

28,903 posts

243 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
3 points?

Doofus

25,832 posts

174 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
prunes

PoleDriver

28,647 posts

195 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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Laurel Green

30,781 posts

233 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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^^^ All of the above! ^^^ hehe

K12beano

20,854 posts

276 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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mickk said:
havoc said:
What are you asked to say as a picture is taken?
3 points?
"I want my lawyer!"

mickk

28,903 posts

243 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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I said to my mate "My wife keeps pestering me to dress up as an Alice in Wonderland character!"

He replied "Are you mad at her?"



I thought don't you start!

schmunk

4,399 posts

126 months

Wednesday 25th January 2017
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mickk said:
I said to my mate "My wife keeps pestering me to dress up as an Alice in Wonderland character!"

He replied "Are you mad at her?"



I thought don't you start!
You as well? She was pestering PoleDriver last week...
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