Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Vipers said:
PoleDriver said:
Caruso said:
What has four wheels and flies?
A bin lorry.
A bin lorry.
All the ones round my way have at least 6 wheels (not including twin-wheels)
Vipers said:
PoleDriver said:
Caruso said:
What has four wheels and flies?
A bin lorry.
A bin lorry.
All the ones round my way have at least 6 wheels (not including twin-wheels)
Another oldie, but made me chuckle.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those w@nkers at Jewsons deliver the f*cking bricks.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those w@nkers at Jewsons deliver the f*cking bricks.
ker must want a rematch, he's been chasing me ever since.A german was living next to his turkish neighbour and they got on well.
So well that when the german boght a new black mercedes his neighbour went and bought exactly the same car.
Every Saturday morning they'd be out proudly washing and polishing their cars.
One morning the german mistook his neighbours car for his own and started washing it by throwing a bucket of water over it.
A couple of minute later the turk came out with a pair of snips in his hand and proceeded to cut off the end of the germans cars exhaust.
Wehn asked by ze cherman what he was doing the Turk said.....
"If you can baptise my car, then I can at least circumcise yours!"
So well that when the german boght a new black mercedes his neighbour went and bought exactly the same car.
Every Saturday morning they'd be out proudly washing and polishing their cars.
One morning the german mistook his neighbours car for his own and started washing it by throwing a bucket of water over it.
A couple of minute later the turk came out with a pair of snips in his hand and proceeded to cut off the end of the germans cars exhaust.
Wehn asked by ze cherman what he was doing the Turk said.....
"If you can baptise my car, then I can at least circumcise yours!"
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