Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[peter tdci]

Doofus said:

Laurel Green said:

Had a brother named Mike?

I knew one quite well. He insisted on being called 'Michael'. Probably still does.

The head groundsman at Lord's is called Mick Hunt.

Hopefully he will never go missing and require the Simpsons-esque PA announcement: 'Has anyone seen ...'

[havoc]

Hugo a Gogo said:

I saw this ... the other day

You are Hamlet AICMFP!

[lucido grigio]

McAndy said:

PoleDriver said:

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood, kids would attack me with squirty cream and then plant cherrys on my head....Life was tough in the gateaux..

Sounds like a piece of cake to me.

He's just being a fairy.

[mickk]

A mate of mine kept fantasising about being run over by a steam train, so I arranged it for him.

He was chuffed to bits!

[Laurel Green]

mickk said:

A mate of mine kept fantasising about being run over by a steam train, so I arranged it for him.

He was chuffed to bits!

...and is now doing well in wards eight nine and ten!

[V8A*ndy]

Laurel Green said:

mickk said:

A mate of mine kept fantasising about being run over by a steam train, so I arranged it for him.

He was chuffed to bits!

...and is now doing well in wards eight nine and ten!

Nurses thought he was slipping into a coma only to be informed by the family that's normal....

"He's just a bit of a sleeper"

[Vipers]

I've just won an oven glove competition I found on the back of a jar of Colmans.

Not a great prize I mustard mitt.

[PoleDriver]

V8A*ndy said:

Laurel Green said:

mickk said:

A mate of mine kept fantasising about being run over by a steam train, so I arranged it for him.

He was chuffed to bits!

...and is now doing well in wards eight nine and ten!

Nurses thought he was slipping into a coma only to be informed by the family that's normal....

"He's just a bit of a sleeper"

He has a slight mental problem. He always insists on eating his dinner off a fishplate!

[grumpy52]

Guy phones his dad all flustered "Dad I've just run over a pig and it's stuck under the land rover,what do I do ?"
"Shoot it!"
Ten minutes later the son rings back "Done that ! What shall I do with his speed gun and motorbike?"

[mybrainhurts]

Catweazle said:

Vipers said:

kowalski655 said:

Dilligaf10 said:

Quickmoose said:

Can you imagine the grief she must've faced going through the ranks?

Detective Dick
Inspector Dick
Commander Dick

She's now Dick Head

Withthe manchester cops liking tits so much,only fair the Met like Dick

Hope she doesn't name her son Richard.

Hope she doesn't name her daughter Ophelia.

Heap of trouble with double barrelled names...Greene-Dick, Curley-Dick, Nutbrown-Dick, King-Dick, Little-Dick, Steele-Dick, Bolsover-Dick, Rodger-Dick, Hogg-Dick, Corbyn-Dick...

Endless problems...

[Ari]

Sometimes you find some real gems in the joke thread.

Today clearly isn't one of those days...

[Hugo a Gogo]

Game over, man, game over

edit: hmm, it wasn't quite as sweary as I remember

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsx2vdn7gpY

Edited by Hugo a Gogo on Sunday 26th February 18:24

[Quickmoose]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Game fking over, man, game fking over

[PoleDriver]

MODS!


Why was my post removed?

[james-witton]

Well I finally gave in to all the hype and read this. Don't see what all the fuss was about. Sexy? My arse!

[B'stard Child]

james-witton said:

Well I finally gave in to all the hype and read this. Don't see what all the fuss was about. Sexy? My arse!

[lucido grigio]

Do Audi also use that for their current range ?

50 shades of drab.

[glenrobbo]

james-witton said:

Well I finally gave in to all the hype and read this. Don't see what all the fuss was about. Sexy? My arse!

45 shades of grey??? May be this is the abridged version.

Or is it a hair colour chart for the elderly?

Edited by glenrobbo on Monday 27th February 07:11

[Kenty]

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

[Quickmoose]

When I was a kid, it wasn't Claire-Lee, it was Diedre.... I prefer the older one