Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Halmyre]

Kenty said:

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

But how will you past Olive Stickles?

[fatboy18]

The Oscars...What a bleeding Joke that lot are

[Laurel Green]

fatboy18 said:

The Oscars...What a bleeding Joke that lot are

Nearly as bad as Uber.

[BigBen]

Quickmoose said:

When I was a kid, it wasn't Claire-Lee, it was Diedre.... I prefer the older one

Keeley when I first heard it, also better.

[glenrobbo]

Quickmoose said:

When I was a kid, it wasn't Claire-Lee, it was Deirdre.... I prefer the older one

So Deirdre was the older one, was she?....

[Quickmoose]

glenrobbo said:

Quickmoose said:

When I was a kid, it wasn't Claire-Lee, it was Deirdre.... I prefer the older one

So Deirdre was the older one, was she?....

she was, and the only one, cos Lorraine wasn't about anymore...

[PoleDriver]

This is starting to read like sister act!

[fatboy18]

Laurel Green said:

fatboy18 said:

The Oscars...What a bleeding Joke that lot are

Nearly as bad as Uber.

Are the Russians being blamed for this too?

[monoloco]

Doofus said:

Laurel Green said:

Had a brother named Mike?

I knew one quite well. He insisted on being called 'Michael'. Probably still does.

I knew a girl called Pat. She suddenly insisted on being called the full 'Patricia' -just because she married a bloke called Hiscock.

[Laurel Green]

fatboy18 said:

are the Russians being blamed for this too?

Only if running the local cab firm.

[Vipers]

I mistakenly drank some Tipp-Ex instead of my liquid Viagra.

I now have a huge correction.

[Doofus]

Vipers said:

I mistakenly drank some Tipp-Ex instead of my liquid Viagra.

I now have a huge correction.

And all your handwritten notes are in capital letters.

[Fluffsri]

Vipers said:

I mistakenly drank some Tipp-Ex instead of my liquid Viagra.

I now have a huge correction.

[Robster]

How did Luke Skywalker get around the planet of Endor after his speeder bike crashed?.....



Ewoked....

Edited by Robster on Monday 27th February 18:41

[evil len]

I was walking past a field the other day and I saw a scarecrow trying to masturbate.

I thought ... he's clutching at straws.

[Allyc85]

It's pancake day tomorrow!

Well that crêped up on us.

[Beetnik]

On the names theme...

She who is now Mrs Beetnik once courted a lad known to all and sundry as Dick Ennis. It was only when she went round to his house for tea and his mother corrected her as they sat round the table with his family that she discovered his real name was Peter...

[lucido grigio]

Allyc85 said:

It's pancake day tomorrow!

Well that crêped up on us.

Flipping did....

[Fluffsri]

Robster said:

How did Luke Skywalker get around the planet of Endor after his speeder bike crashed?.....



Ewoked....

Edited by Robster on Monday 27th February 18:41

Brilliant lol

[JustinF]

evil len said:

I was walking past a field the other day and I saw a scarecrow trying to masturbate.

I thought ... he's clutching at straws.