Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Paddy & Murphy worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
Asked his occupation, Paddy said, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classified as unskilled labor, so she gave him seventy-five pounds a week employment pay.
Murphy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Murphy one hundred and fifty pounds a week.
When Paddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stichers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew the elastic on the panties, Murphy puts them over his head and says, 'yah, diesel fitter.'"
Asked his occupation, Paddy said, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classified as unskilled labor, so she gave him seventy-five pounds a week employment pay.
Murphy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Murphy one hundred and fifty pounds a week.
When Paddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stichers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew the elastic on the panties, Murphy puts them over his head and says, 'yah, diesel fitter.'"
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
Vipers said:
MartG said:
"'yah, diesel fitter.'
Having a bad day, explain.
Reminds me of [you'll only need the punchline]
.......
"....please place the item back in the box it came in, take it back to the Post Office and mail it back to us"
"Ah! Is it faulty? I told you it was faulty!"
"No Sir. You aren't sufficiently evolved yet to have one of these."
ker.Laurel Green said:
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
Did he also interview Uncle Albert?The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothing’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the 60-year old.
“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock. No problem at all.”
“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”
“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00!!
A guy is walking past a driveway and sees a Jamaican putting up a sign that reads "Boat for sale."
The man looks but all he can see is a caravan and a jeep.
Confused he says to the Jamaican, "Where's the boat, all I see is a caravan and a jeep?"
"Yes, mon," replies the Jamaican, "and they're boat for sale"
The man looks but all he can see is a caravan and a jeep.
Confused he says to the Jamaican, "Where's the boat, all I see is a caravan and a jeep?"
"Yes, mon," replies the Jamaican, "and they're boat for sale"
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