Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Paddy and Mick live in identical semi detatched houses.
Paddy is visiting Mick and as he walks in he says "I like your hallway Mick, did you hire a decorator"
Mick said "No, I bought 4 rolls of paper and did it myself"
Paddy well impressed goes out and buys 4 rolls of paper. When he saw Mick later he said
"I went out and bought 4 rolls of paper and did my hallway as well, but funny thing, I had one roll left over"
Mick says "Thats strange, so did I"
Paddy is visiting Mick and as he walks in he says "I like your hallway Mick, did you hire a decorator"
Mick said "No, I bought 4 rolls of paper and did it myself"
Paddy well impressed goes out and buys 4 rolls of paper. When he saw Mick later he said
"I went out and bought 4 rolls of paper and did my hallway as well, but funny thing, I had one roll left over"
Mick says "Thats strange, so did I"
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
Then the fight started! I added this line to please you all.
So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
Then the fight started! I added this line to please you all.
A man asks the librarian for a book on small penises,
she says 'it's not in yet'
'That's the one!' He replies
A different man goes to a different library and asks for a book about having sex with a dwarf
She look at him in disgust and says 'how can you stoop so low?'
'That's the one!' He replies
she says 'it's not in yet'
'That's the one!' He replies
A different man goes to a different library and asks for a book about having sex with a dwarf
She look at him in disgust and says 'how can you stoop so low?'
'That's the one!' He replies
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel Aviv.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied, and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. ”Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Haifa," he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied, and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. ”Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Haifa," he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
K12beano said:
Clearly there's some sort of conspiracy theory to be discovered. They're not telling us what's going on, but it turns out that, after landing and walking on the moon these astronauts keep dying! 
85 Seems like a good innings to me RIP Edgar Mitchell 
Edited by fatboy18 on Saturday 6th February 10:21
k off" said the librarian, "you won't bring it back!"
I went out tonight to buy some carrots for my rabbit, but ended up in a club getting wasted and dancing all night. I really let my hare down.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
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