Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Jonboy_t said:
I went out tonight to buy some carrots for my rabbit, but ended up in a club getting wasted and dancing all night. I really let my hare down.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
Transcript Live from the Apollo.I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
marshalla said:
Jonboy_t said:
I went out tonight to buy some carrots for my rabbit, but ended up in a club getting wasted and dancing all night. I really let my hare down.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
Transcript Live from the Apollo.I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
king funny, wasn't it?^^^ Couple of good'uns there chaps. ^^^ 
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decreed, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympic boxing. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fk off."
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decreed, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympic boxing. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f
k off."Laurel Green said:
^^^ Couple of good'uns there chaps. ^^^
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decreed, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympic boxing. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fk off."
First joke in a while that made me genuinely laugh. But I am tired.In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decreed, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympic boxing. I have researched the history of....."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f
k off."In their first year of school the class was asked to draw a picture. The teacher noticed one little girl concentrating very hard on her drawing.
"What are you drawing?" the teacher asked.
"God." replied the little girl.
"But nobody knows what God looks like." said the teacher.
"They will in a minute."
"What are you drawing?" the teacher asked.
"God." replied the little girl.
"But nobody knows what God looks like." said the teacher.
"They will in a minute."
marshalla said:
Jonboy_t said:
I went out tonight to buy some carrots for my rabbit, but ended up in a club getting wasted and dancing all night. I really let my hare down.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
Transcript Live from the Apollo.I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
LordHaveMurci said:
marshalla said:
Jonboy_t said:
I went out tonight to buy some carrots for my rabbit, but ended up in a club getting wasted and dancing all night. I really let my hare down.
I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
Transcript Live from the Apollo.I wrote my autobiography about how it feels to be a pessimist, but it hasn't sold a single copy. Story Of My Life.
I never realised how much I was into golf, until I moved my caravan beside the driving range, that's when it really hit home.
The first transgender person I ever really cared for was my aunt. She was like a father to me.
Not in the same league as Milton Jones, but still very good
Monday morning, Nelson Mandela is just getting ready for work, as he walks out the front door a delivery driver stops him and says I have a delivery for you, late for work and to busy to check Nelson says just put it in the garage,
Tuesday morning, as Nelson leaves the house the same driver arrives, I am late says Nelson, pop the stuff in the garage.
Wednesday morning, knock at the door, Nelson says please sir I'm late again, just leave the items in the garage.
Same thing happens Thursday, and Friday.
Saturday morning, Nelson has some free time. He goes to the garage, much to his surprise the garage is full of brake pads, exhausts, bumpers, wings, wheels, engines, every car part under the sun. Nelson is confused.
The delivery driver arrives for his weekend round, Nelson says ' what's all this stuff you've left in my garage '
Driver replies ' you not Nissan Main Dealer ? '
Tuesday morning, as Nelson leaves the house the same driver arrives, I am late says Nelson, pop the stuff in the garage.
Wednesday morning, knock at the door, Nelson says please sir I'm late again, just leave the items in the garage.
Same thing happens Thursday, and Friday.
Saturday morning, Nelson has some free time. He goes to the garage, much to his surprise the garage is full of brake pads, exhausts, bumpers, wings, wheels, engines, every car part under the sun. Nelson is confused.
The delivery driver arrives for his weekend round, Nelson says ' what's all this stuff you've left in my garage '
Driver replies ' you not Nissan Main Dealer ? '
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