Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Evangelion]

Filton-flyer said:

For sale:
One massive bottle of Chinese Tipex
Never opened.




It’s a correctors item

Needs to be Japanese, Chinese don't change l's into r's.



[/pedant]

[MartG]

In the aftermath of charges being laid against Mike Flynn, President Trump has accused the FBI of "Fake news."

It is understood that he toned down the original response suggested by his Special Advisor which was "Ложь предательских ублюдков!"

( to save you the trouble , that translates as "The lies of the treacherous bds!" )

[Halmyre]

Evangelion said:

Filton-flyer said:

For sale:
One massive bottle of Chinese Tipex
Never opened.




It’s a correctors item

Needs to be Japanese, Chinese don't change l's into r's.



[/pedant]

Indeed.

Captain Peacock: "You must remember, Mr. Lucas, that the gentleman is Japanese, and can't get his tongue round his Rs."

Mr Humphries: "I thought it would just be a matter of practice."

[MartG]

Halmyre said:

Indeed.

Captain Peacock: "You must remember, Mr. Lucas, that the gentleman is Japanese, and can't get his tongue round his Rs."

Mr Humphries: "I thought it would just be a matter of practice."

BBC would never run anything so risque these days

[Filton-flyer]

MartG said:

Halmyre said:

Indeed.

Captain Peacock: "You must remember, Mr. Lucas, that the gentleman is Japanese, and can't get his tongue round his Rs."

Mr Humphries: "I thought it would just be a matter of practice."

BBC would never run anything so risque these days

Not to mention this lady's pussy!

[havoc]

MartG said:

BBC would never run anything so risque these days

Indeed. We were recommended "Motherland" by friends (we've got a young child), so we watched the first episode a few days ago and afterwards went "meh" - we were both utterly underwhelmed by something that's apparently getting rave reviews.

BBC comedy (most UK TV comedy, to be fair) has become so bloody formulaic and predictable. Do people REALLY not want to have to think about a joke anymore, or be surprised* by something?!? Or is it the programme planners that don't want to take any risks and can't see beyond the surface zeitgeist.



* No, I'm not talking Jimmy Carr gutter-level shock-humour.

[Jonboy_t]

havoc said:

MartG said:

BBC would never run anything so risque these days

Indeed. We were recommended "Motherland" by friends (we've got a young child), so we watched the first episode a few days ago and afterwards went "meh" - we were both utterly underwhelmed by something that's apparently getting rave reviews.

BBC comedy (most UK TV comedy, to be fair) has become so bloody formulaic and predictable. Do people REALLY not want to have to think about a joke anymore, or be surprised* by something?!? Or is it the programme planners that don't want to take any risks and can't see beyond the surface zeitgeist.



* No, I'm not talking Jimmy Carr gutter-level shock-humour.

I know it’s a bit ‘marmite’, but I found Mrs Browns Boys great for good ol’ fashioned humour. Gets a bit blue at points, but there’s some very clever writing in it, especially earlier episodes.

[schmunk]

Jonboy_t said:

I know it’s a bit ‘marmite’, but I found Mrs Browns Boys great for good ol’ fashioned humour. Gets a bit blue at points, but there’s some very clever writing in it, especially earlier episodes.

It is awful. By idiots, for idiots.

[havoc]

Jonboy_t said:

I know it’s a bit ‘marmite’, but I found Mrs Browns Boys great for good ol’ fashioned humour. Gets a bit blue at points, but there’s some very clever copying of cheesy 1970's sitcoms in it, especially earlier episodes.

EFA.



(For clarity, if you ask me it's godawful sh'te aimed at the lowest common denominator. Have been exposed to enough of it when we visit my parents...can't believe this is the same comedy department that broadcast the likes of Fawlty Towers, Monty Python, Red Dwarf and Blackadder)

[MarkwG]

havoc said:

Indeed. We were recommended "Motherland" by friends (we've got a young child), so we watched the first episode a few days ago and afterwards went "meh" - we were both utterly underwhelmed by something that's apparently getting rave reviews.

The pilot was quite funny, but the series hasn't lived up to it, sadly.

[MartG]

Just looking at the nativity scene at my local church and I can't help thinking how it reminds me of the Jeremy Kyle show - a mother, a baby, loads of hangers on and some bloke who isn't the father

[Muntu]

I couldn't work out how to fix my snowman's broken arm

Then I twigged

[Roofless Toothless]

Evangelion said:

Filton-flyer said:

For sale:
One massive bottle of Chinese Tipex
Never opened.




It’s a correctors item

Needs to be Japanese, Chinese don't change l's into r's.



[/pedant]

Plick.

[Evangelion]

Filton-flyer said:

Not to mention this lady's pussy!

Yes. Please. NOT to mention this lady's pussy.

Ever again!

Thank you.

[glenrobbo]

Cheese toastie, anyone?

[davhill]

Which historical figure had a problem that led to the discovery of Viagra?

Genghis Khan't

Edited by davhill on Monday 4th December 17:09

[MartG]

I bought an advent calendar from Ikea - had to screw the doors on myself

[davhill]

In Wyoming, a dig has unearthed an ancient Indian relic. The wooden carving is in extremely poor condition, with wings, hands, lips and teeth broken or missing.

Archaeologists were able to identify it. It's a
Factotum.

[ApOrbital]

glenrobbo said:

Cheese toastie, anyone?

Yes please.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

ApOrbital said:

glenrobbo said:

Cheese toastie, anyone?

Yes please.

And a blue waffle to follow?