Paying It Forward

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Discussion

northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Purity14 said:
I saw a tramp on my way to work, he was a young kid, maybe 20.
He was there most mornings at 5:30, didn't seem the type to just wake up early and set up shop, he had been there all night.
He would ask everyone passing for 10 or 20 pence for some food, I tend to ignore these people.

On the third morning, I thought id buy myself a subway breakfast melt thing for £2.
Unfortunately, it looked abit gross as the girl was making it, and I was put off slightly.

I never opened the packaging, but I offered it to this lad as I went past, because it was either that, or it was going in the bin.
I didn't make a big deal, I just asked him if he wanted this subway breakfast, he just took it off me and put it next to him, didn't even look at me, no thankyou, no nothing, didn't even start eating it.

Still see him sometimes if I set off early, face full of scabs asking for 10 or 20 pence.
I've done something similar on a night out just before Christmas a few years ago. It was bloody freezing & for some reason I just felt really sorry for a lad sleeping rough at Christmas in the middle of Manchester while all around him people were staggering from bar to bar without a care in the world. I went & bought him a Big Mac meal just so he could have something to eat. When I offered it him, I think he thought I was taking the piss out of him by offering him an empty bag so I could laugh at him - he looked very grateful though when he realised it was proper. I'd never done anything like that before or since. A girl who was with us on the night out didn't think I should have done it as "he might have been a druggie or beaten people up" which may have been true - I just feel uncomfortable sometimes when I see people in a rich city in a rich country living under a bush in the rain in December.

Anyway, enough "cool story" and no I wouldn't buy someone a coffee in Starbucks. If they can afford to drink a coffee in Starbucks in the first place then they don't need me to pay for it.

FrankAbagnale

Original Poster:

1,700 posts

111 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
northwest monkey said:
I've done something similar on a night out just before Christmas a few years ago. It was bloody freezing & for some reason I just felt really sorry for a lad sleeping rough at Christmas in the middle of Manchester while all around him people were staggering from bar to bar without a care in the world. I went & bought him a Big Mac meal just so he could have something to eat. When I offered it him, I think he thought I was taking the piss out of him by offering him an empty bag so I could laugh at him - he looked very grateful though when he realised it was proper. I'd never done anything like that before or since. A girl who was with us on the night out didn't think I should have done it as "he might have been a druggie or beaten people up" which may have been true - I just feel uncomfortable sometimes when I see people in a rich city in a rich country living under a bush in the rain in December.

Anyway, enough "cool story" and no I wouldn't buy someone a coffee in Starbucks. If they can afford to drink a coffee in Starbucks in the first place then they don't need me to pay for it.
It's not about the need to have someone pay for it. Just because someone can afford a coffee, it doesn't mean a nice gesture from a stranger wouldn't make their day.

A mum of 3 having a sh*t day because her kids are all playing up, smashes a pram in to the door because someone didn't hold it open, soaking wet from the rain... gets in to the coffee shop and someone has paid forward a coffee which makes her day as it's a kind gesture. That kind of thing.

yellowjack

17,065 posts

165 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
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I try to 'Pay it Forward', but never (so far) has it involved cash, or purchasing something for someone.

Small things, I know, but...

Stopped to offer assistance to a young woman stuck on a dual carriageway. Everyone else tooting and swerving around her. My aim was to see if I could get her car to a refuge (turn off point) a few yards further up the road. Turns out she'd run out of fuel, and we could see the lights of a petrol station up ahead. I put the 5 litres in my can into her car, then followed her into the petrol station, where she re-filled the can while filling her car. As I drove away, she sprinted from the kiosk with a box of Roses. I'd hope that, if I were stuck somewhere, someone would offer to help, so saw it as only right that I help her.

Buses. Locally, a nightmare. I often get a call from my wife to say the bus hasn't turned up (again!!!). So I drive to collect her. More than once now, I've given lifts to others waiting at the stop. Mostly they are (loosely speaking) colleagues of hers, but from other hospital departments, so not complete strangers. But on occasion, I've offered lifts to complete strangers too. One fairly recently, when the bus they were waiting for was involved in a minor RTC. I don't do "door-to-door", but I'll run a few folk in to town if I'm on my way there, or it's not too far out of my way.

Cyclists too. As a cyclist myself, I hate to see someone stranded. Punctures, I always pull up and ask if everything's under control. If not, I've assisted with a tube repair, simply supplied my pump, carried out the repair (two teenaged girls from my son's school who'd otherwise have faced a long walk home) and in one case of a dopey big lad who'd been given a 1970s bike with 1970s tyres which had disintegrated under his considerable bulk, I slung the bike in the boot and gave him a lift home because he was on a busy rural route with no footpath.

Most recently I helped Gillian, a local cyclist, to pull the mangled rear gear derailleur out of her chain and gears. She'd had a disaster on her commute home. In the end I couldn't get her mobile again for lack of tools, but her bike was now 'roll-able' rather than needing to be lifted and carried.

So no need to spend cash, it's not even about backslapping. Just do little things. Little things that may cost you nothing but a few minutes out of your day, but which can make a massive difference to how the other person's day plays out. And it's partly fueled by selfishness, in so far as I hope that, if enough people are serious about 'paying it forward', then one day, when I'm most in need of help, someone I've never met will help me out. But please. Don't pay for my coffee, FFS! If I'm queuing for a coffee, the chances are I have the money in my pocket already, I won't be waiting in line on the off-chance that someone else will pay. Put your 'donation' into a charity tin please...

wink

northwest monkey

6,370 posts

188 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
FrankAbagnale said:
It's not about the need to have someone pay for it. Just because someone can afford a coffee, it doesn't mean a nice gesture from a stranger wouldn't make their day.

A mum of 3 having a sh*t day because her kids are all playing up, smashes a pram in to the door because someone didn't hold it open, soaking wet from the rain... gets in to the coffee shop and someone has paid forward a coffee which makes her day as it's a kind gesture. That kind of thing.
I get where you're coming from - I just personally think I'd rather buy someone a hot drink who wouldn't otherwise be in a position to buy one.

chili1

410 posts

236 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
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At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.

RCBRG

603 posts

140 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
someone once handed me a fiver in the street, in the hope i would pay it forward. i bought myself a coffee. does that count?

daddy cool

3,996 posts

228 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
RCBRG said:
someone once handed me a fiver in the street, in the hope i would pay it forward. i bought myself a coffee. does that count?
If they expected you to pay it forward, why didn't they just give it to the next person, cutting out the middle man (you), and thus saving everyone's time?

AJS-

15,366 posts

235 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
I thought it was a nice idea when it was just buying a homeless guy a coffee on a cold winter morning. When it's a sort of systematic expectations it just becomes like tipping in the US or direct debiting so much a month to some charidee.

BigBen

11,610 posts

229 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
How does paying it forward work in Starbucks. The person in the queue ahead of you has already paid and the person behind may be buying a round of coffees for 20 of his colleagues. It can't work as a random act in the way say leaving a parking ticket or tube travel pass can.

Landlord

12,689 posts

256 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
I once paid for a 50p packet of chewing gum the girl in front of me was trying to buy with her debit card. All I got was a smile and a thank you, no offer of a blow job or hand job or anything. By the time I'd decided that this warranted me demanding the return of the chewing gum, I'd lost sight of her. Never again, I tell you.

anonymous-user

53 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Purity14 said:
chili1 said:
At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.
I like this one, this is okay in my book.
Seconded. Tactfully done too.

I tried to do a decent thing - once. We had an old Windows laptop that had sat in a cupboard for years. It was given to my wife through some work scheme but it was never used as we have Macs. Anyway, she agreed to finally get rid of it so I stuck it on Freecycle. Loads of emails along the lines of 'perfect for my daughters schoolwork, she can't afford one' etc etc, so I picked one that sounded particularly needy and said they could have it.

Meanwhile my wife had a completely irrational change of mind and starting panicing that becuse it was given to her that 'they' might be able to somehow trace it back to her, and she put her foot down and refused to let me give it away. I didn't want to let the woman from Freecycle down so I went out and bought a cheap, refurbished (and slightly better spec) laptop from a local IT place to give to the woman instead.

She duly turns up on the day in a massive Merc, well dressed, well spoken and looking more than capable of forking out the £80 or so for a secondhand laptop. I handed it over but I felt bad for the rest of the requests I turned down who might have been genuine.

Now I insist on seeing benefit claims books; photos of deshevelled children and the V5 for a Vauxhall Zafira before handing anything over.




Edited by abitlikefiennes on Thursday 4th February 13:25


Edited by abitlikefiennes on Thursday 4th February 13:25

jonamv8

3,145 posts

165 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Purity14 said:
I saw a tramp on my way to work, he was a young kid, maybe 20.
He was there most mornings at 5:30, didn't seem the type to just wake up early and set up shop, he had been there all night.
He would ask everyone passing for 10 or 20 pence for some food, I tend to ignore these people.

On the third morning, I thought id buy myself a subway breakfast melt thing for £2.
Unfortunately, it looked abit gross as the girl was making it, and I was put off slightly.

I never opened the packaging, but I offered it to this lad as I went past, because it was either that, or it was going in the bin.
I didn't make a big deal, I just asked him if he wanted this subway breakfast, he just took it off me and put it next to him, didn't even look at me, no thankyou, no nothing, didn't even start eating it.

Still see him sometimes if I set off early, face full of scabs asking for 10 or 20 pence.


So how do you judge who to pay it forward to in the coffee shop, would you base it on their clothing, the fact that they are ordering a medium instead of a large despite it only being 50pence more? Would you eyeball their wallet to see if they had a gold amex, or if they paupering along with a Barclays Debit?


Despite all this "Pay it forward" is american invented bullst. I politely ask that you stop instilling these kind of americanisms into our society, because they piss everyone off.
I bought a mcdonalds burger and gave it to a tramp slightly down the road who I had seen on way in, he turned it down, money only!

Basically on the brown aren't they, they dont want to eat as they will be sick, they want money for a fix - simples

Nightmare

5,182 posts

283 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
chili1 said:
At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.
Really like this one too - top man and excellent plan re: can't return it smile

ShyTallKnight

2,207 posts

212 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Heard a nice example of this a few years ago. Older guy who comes in the pub occasionally was telling a few of the regulars that his cousin had died and left him a year old Skoda Superb. He currently had a 93/94 VW Passat that he’d had from new and needed to sell it to make space in the garage and thought it was maybe worth 2k or so. One of the regulars mentioned that his son might be interested in the Passat as his wife had recently had a baby and they needed something more substantial but relatively cheap as they didn't have alot of money.

Fast forward a day or so and this young chap turns up to view the Passat, gets talking to the older guy and agrees the VW would be ideal but could he hang on for a week or so to give him some time to raise the funds as he needed to get a bank loan. Old guy asks him how much money he has on him to be told about 2 quid..!! Old guy says the needs of the young family are greater than his so he sells the guy the Passat for the £2 on the spot….

Never did get the story from the older guy he was very humble about it but the Dad of the young man told a few of us the story a little while later.

louiebaby

10,651 posts

190 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
I think the whole idea of "Paying it Forward" is as the opposite of "Paying someone back."

With paying someone back, you only do something nice for someone who was nice to you.

With paying it forward, you either do something nice for someone else instead, either because someone did something for you, or just some "random act of kindness".

The hope is that there will be a proliferation of people just doing nice things for each other, and everyone is just a little happier.

It's all a bit hippy, but I think it's generally a good thing.

The person you bought a copy for then helps out someone who doesn't quite have enough money for a bus ticket, who then helps someone bump start their car, who then gives a cyclist with a puncture lift, who ... blah blah blah...

You get the point.

jesta1865

3,448 posts

208 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
chili1 said:
At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.
that is such a cool way to do it, she won't be fooled, but she wasn't embarrassed in public also, brilliant idea.

as for 'paying it forward' being an americanism, the phrase may be, but being kind to people less fortunate than yourself surely should be a humanism.

toohuge

3,429 posts

215 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
chili1 said:
At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.
Lovely gesture - your username had me hehe

austinsmirk

5,597 posts

122 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Purity14 said:
chili1 said:
At the beginning of winter, while dropping my son off at school, I noticed that one of the children in my son's class was wearing a very thin summer type jacket (she looked absolutely freezing). The mother looked as if she didn't have two pennies to rub together. On the way to pick him up at kicking out time, I bought a winter coat from the local supermarket. In the school yard I asked the mother if she would like the coat for her daughter, as I had bought it for my daughter but the coat was too small and I couldn't take it back as I'd lost the receipt. Her daughter is now suitably dressed for winter.
I like this one, this is okay in my book.
wins the thread- I have a lump in my throat now. well done sir.

MYOB

4,767 posts

137 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
I used to take a cup of tea to an old Evening Standard vendor in London in the winter months. Poor bloke must have been in his 70s and looked frail, especially during the cold nights. I was on the minimum wages in those days and couldn't even afford a cup of tea for myself! But one day I was so cold, I bought myself a cup, only to take pity on this old boy and gave it to him, and from there, it became a daily routine.

I haven't since bought anything for anyone else, but there was something about this old boy that tugged at my heart strings!

BigBen

11,610 posts

229 months

Thursday 4th February 2016
quotequote all
Purity14 said:
BigBen said:
How does paying it forward work in Starbucks. The person in the queue ahead of you has already paid and the person behind may be buying a round of coffees for 20 of his colleagues. It can't work as a random act in the way say leaving a parking ticket or tube travel pass can.
Its like when they say "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less"
We would pay for the person behind us because it makes most sense, but they would pay it forward to the person behind them, because they like to say things that dont make sense.
But that was part of my problem, paying for the person behind is not possible as you don't know what they are going to order. I suppose you could say "and whatever he / she is having" but that would be weird.