American prison stories
Discussion
Kermit power said:
Calm down poppets! The number of people who've been extradited to the US under Blunkett's extradition treaty is surprisingly small, considering all the controversy in the press about it, and if the OP is genuine, then I'm sure he knows that, and will know how easy it would be for someone who wanted to do so to figure out who he is from what he's posted so far, so I think we can assume he's not overly concerned.
Just in case anyone does decide to figure it out, I'll give them a helping hand.... I don't think he's Abu Hamza!
Your adenoids need another treatment. Just in case anyone does decide to figure it out, I'll give them a helping hand.... I don't think he's Abu Hamza!
Potatoes said:
OP, you're awesome, looking forward to the next instalment
He's not that awesome, he's been to jail and all that! It wasn't even a cool crime like a diamond heist with a police chase in big German saloon cars, he should have watched more films and left the computer alone.Seriously though, thanks for posting OP as it's really interesting. Fear of prison works well on me and it's why I don't do anything too bad! I suspect I'd have been a suicide risk if they said they were sending me to an American jail, not sure I'd have been strong enough to make it.
OK next up,
4. Tanklife Part I
So here is where I spent 9 months of my life. I thought it was just going to be for a couple of weeks and I remember thinking, yeah I can handle this. If I'd been told 9 months, s
t, I would have been seriously depressed.
OK on the sixth floor there are 5 main tanks, 1 and 4 are Norteño and 3 and 5 are Sureño. Tank 2, mine, is for anyone not affiliated to those two gangs. They also seem to put a lot of OGs and murderers in it as well. Now OG stands for Original Gangster but it's really applied to anyone that looks old, say 50+. If you don't know some old dude's name just say 'all right OG' and that works out fine. If there are two Mikes, one young, one old then the old one will become OG Mike.
There is another tank, #6, that's where they put all the transgender inmates. No, you wouldn't before you ask. If you're straight that is. Well maybe you would but I didn't.
On the same floor are all the 'hole' tanks, I'll tell you more about them later on.
Now there are 14 2 bed bunks in the tank, 8 down the right side and 6 down the left. At the bottom left are 2 individual showers with curtains. Next to the showers are 3 combined sink/toilet units with a small divider between each one, just like the ones you see on TV. The silver ones with the hole for a toliet roll cut out on the side. No seats of course to have a crap but here's how it works or at least this was my method, not everyone was as fussy as me.
You splash the rim with hot water then wipe clean. Sprinkle some water all around the rim, just a touch then triple up four relevant lengths of bog roll and lay them down on the rim making sure it's entirely covered. Et voilà you now have a nice hygienic comfy seat.
Don't laugh but I still do this to this day if I go to a public toilet or even someone's house. I never use the seat.
The toilets work on an electronic flush, just one simple button on the wall. Here's the deal, you only get two flushes every five minutes and then it takes 30 minutes to reset.
The reason they have this is so that they can control the flushing before they shakedown the tank for contraband, they just switch the power off and when they come storming in en masse no-one can flush their gear, shanks, razors, or whatever else they have away.
Now back to taking a crap. There is for obvious reasons a requirement to drop then immediately flush. You don't want to drop a big one and then find out you've got no flushes as you'll sit there and the tank will slowly smell up really bad to a chorus of 'FLUSH THAT st' coming from your now pissed off fellow flatmates (as my mother used to call them).
So to avoid this and I got this from Bruce you take one of the shower mats and place it over one of the bowls, everyone will look and just assume it's covering someone's crap that they couldn't flush.
Stake it out for at least 30 minutes so you know for sure you've got 2 flushes in the bag, then you're good to go. Just make sure as soon as it drops, hit that button! In fact I used to press halfway through. I hope you're not eating dinner and reading this.
I can't believe I just wrote 5 paragraphs on how to to go for a crap.
When someone fks up and can't flush, the smell gets really bad. To combat this 3 or 4 guys will pour a pile of Johnson's baby powder on their palm and blow it into the air, it works surprisingly well as a makeshift air freshener. There turned out to be lots of these types of 'innovations' say.
There's an old adage that if you put two inmates at the top of two telegraph poles 100 feet apart, one with some matches and one with some cigarettes, within 30 minutes they'd both be smoking.
Anyway Part II later.
Now I've been away for a while planning a diamond heist so apologies for the lack of action on this thread. I haven't forgotten about it.
Thanks for the positive comments a lot have made.
Still puzzled by this one unless it was just a throwaway remark...
4. Tanklife Part I
So here is where I spent 9 months of my life. I thought it was just going to be for a couple of weeks and I remember thinking, yeah I can handle this. If I'd been told 9 months, s
t, I would have been seriously depressed.OK on the sixth floor there are 5 main tanks, 1 and 4 are Norteño and 3 and 5 are Sureño. Tank 2, mine, is for anyone not affiliated to those two gangs. They also seem to put a lot of OGs and murderers in it as well. Now OG stands for Original Gangster but it's really applied to anyone that looks old, say 50+. If you don't know some old dude's name just say 'all right OG' and that works out fine. If there are two Mikes, one young, one old then the old one will become OG Mike.
There is another tank, #6, that's where they put all the transgender inmates. No, you wouldn't before you ask. If you're straight that is. Well maybe you would but I didn't.
On the same floor are all the 'hole' tanks, I'll tell you more about them later on.
Now there are 14 2 bed bunks in the tank, 8 down the right side and 6 down the left. At the bottom left are 2 individual showers with curtains. Next to the showers are 3 combined sink/toilet units with a small divider between each one, just like the ones you see on TV. The silver ones with the hole for a toliet roll cut out on the side. No seats of course to have a crap but here's how it works or at least this was my method, not everyone was as fussy as me.
You splash the rim with hot water then wipe clean. Sprinkle some water all around the rim, just a touch then triple up four relevant lengths of bog roll and lay them down on the rim making sure it's entirely covered. Et voilà you now have a nice hygienic comfy seat.
Don't laugh but I still do this to this day if I go to a public toilet or even someone's house. I never use the seat.
The toilets work on an electronic flush, just one simple button on the wall. Here's the deal, you only get two flushes every five minutes and then it takes 30 minutes to reset.
The reason they have this is so that they can control the flushing before they shakedown the tank for contraband, they just switch the power off and when they come storming in en masse no-one can flush their gear, shanks, razors, or whatever else they have away.
Now back to taking a crap. There is for obvious reasons a requirement to drop then immediately flush. You don't want to drop a big one and then find out you've got no flushes as you'll sit there and the tank will slowly smell up really bad to a chorus of 'FLUSH THAT s
t' coming from your now pissed off fellow flatmates (as my mother used to call them).So to avoid this and I got this from Bruce you take one of the shower mats and place it over one of the bowls, everyone will look and just assume it's covering someone's crap that they couldn't flush.
Stake it out for at least 30 minutes so you know for sure you've got 2 flushes in the bag, then you're good to go. Just make sure as soon as it drops, hit that button! In fact I used to press halfway through. I hope you're not eating dinner and reading this.
I can't believe I just wrote 5 paragraphs on how to to go for a crap.
When someone f
ks up and can't flush, the smell gets really bad. To combat this 3 or 4 guys will pour a pile of Johnson's baby powder on their palm and blow it into the air, it works surprisingly well as a makeshift air freshener. There turned out to be lots of these types of 'innovations' say. There's an old adage that if you put two inmates at the top of two telegraph poles 100 feet apart, one with some matches and one with some cigarettes, within 30 minutes they'd both be smoking.
Anyway Part II later.
Exige77 said:
Very interesting OP.
Keep them coming.
Thanks Ex77, I answered two of your questions a few pages back. I'll do the remaining four this weekend, I'll try and get to some others as well.Keep them coming.
Now I've been away for a while planning a diamond heist so apologies for the lack of action on this thread. I haven't forgotten about it.
Thanks for the positive comments a lot have made.
Still puzzled by this one unless it was just a throwaway remark...
Turquoise said:
Some Gump said:
When is school back again?
Could you provide some justification for that comment.Edited by CloaK on Friday 20th May 19:32
DoubleTime said:
Petrus1983 said:
DoubleTime said:
Sounds a little CNN to me. What would their 3 (repeated) offences be that ended with them being sent down for 50 years > life in prison?
Any credible links?
Read these, there's loads of examples though on Google.Any credible links?
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/25/opinion/sunday/c...
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/cruel-an...
So in fact it is now a reformed law and was actually 25 years > life - so as I said, a slight CNN/Dailymail play on the facts. However it was still a crazy punishment for what sound like minor crimes.
It doesn't matter if it's 15 to life or 50 to life or anything in between. Virtually no-one makes parole on an x to life sentence in California, it just gives you false hope. Perhaps if they changed the system down the line it would be different but if you get hit with 15 to life right now you're not getting out.
As an example I shared a holding cell in an SF federal court with a guy who said his brother received a 7 to life sentence for killing his girlfriend accidentally. She was on the back of his motorbike without a helmet, he accelerated hard away from some lights, she fell off and hit her head on the road.
He said he's still in prison and this was the mid-80s when it happened.
Ilovejapcrap said:
Still reading with interest
^AKA Can we have another update please 
I know I've played this wrong, I should've written everything out first because now I'm either busy or sometimes just do not feel up to writing.I wrote '1. Greg' on a whim thinking well this could go either way. Nobody wants to hear it, cool I'm on my way. I think the opposite happened and I'm still in 850 talking about using the can.
I haven't been in any fights yet, no murders yet, no Don 'Crockett' Johnson, no Barry Bonds and no Cameron Douglas. The former two were never inside but I spent 6 months with the 2 guys involved with cases directly connected to them.
OK I'll knock up a quick story this morning. Standby.
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