How best to screw over business who ripped off my Mum
Discussion
bayleaf said:
wildcat45 said:
The following advice is a joke, do not do this. It is probably harassment. It was explained to me once by a Fleet Street hack.
Either yourself, a mate or someone you pay just becomes part of the wallpaper of his life.
Let's say he's called John.
He's off to work in his van outside his home. You are passing by. 'Alright John'
He's picking up building supplies and as he's loading is van you shout over 'John' get his attention. Make sure he's seen you.
He's out with his wife for a beer. You wander over, shake his hand, 'friendly' not nasty or scary. 'John, fancy seeing you again Pal. This must be your wife'. Introduce yourself as an 'old mate' and be very charming towards her. Remember her name, make sure you use it.
Do this for a while. Make sure you are on CCTV with him, shaking his hand, smiling, drinking.
When he's not around, ask questions about him, in bars or at shops/building suppliers.
If he's a regular in a pub out a couple of pints behind the bar for him for next time. If he's got labourers who like a beer, get a few in with them. 'Oh John, yeah he's your boss right? I know him, wife's called Xxx. Don't forget to be generous with the beers as you give nothing away and depart when you've got one more round in.
It'll soon get back to him that someone's asking questions, says he's an old mate, mentioned he knew your wife. Do this too at houses he's working at. Go round at night, make an excuse, you're a mate, you'd heard he was working round here.
The above would s
t me up if it happened to me.
It started well and I thought it might be brilliant but in summary you're suggesting to just be really nice to him all the time and buy him and his friends lots of drinks? But weird really. Either yourself, a mate or someone you pay just becomes part of the wallpaper of his life.
Let's say he's called John.
He's off to work in his van outside his home. You are passing by. 'Alright John'
He's picking up building supplies and as he's loading is van you shout over 'John' get his attention. Make sure he's seen you.
He's out with his wife for a beer. You wander over, shake his hand, 'friendly' not nasty or scary. 'John, fancy seeing you again Pal. This must be your wife'. Introduce yourself as an 'old mate' and be very charming towards her. Remember her name, make sure you use it.
Do this for a while. Make sure you are on CCTV with him, shaking his hand, smiling, drinking.
When he's not around, ask questions about him, in bars or at shops/building suppliers.
If he's a regular in a pub out a couple of pints behind the bar for him for next time. If he's got labourers who like a beer, get a few in with them. 'Oh John, yeah he's your boss right? I know him, wife's called Xxx. Don't forget to be generous with the beers as you give nothing away and depart when you've got one more round in.
It'll soon get back to him that someone's asking questions, says he's an old mate, mentioned he knew your wife. Do this too at houses he's working at. Go round at night, make an excuse, you're a mate, you'd heard he was working round here.
The above would s
t me up if it happened to me.wildcat45 said:
bayleaf said:
It started well and I thought it might be brilliant but in summary you're suggesting to just be really nice to him all the time and buy him and his friends lots of drinks? But weird really.
Weird yes. That's the whole point. "Oh yes, what was he after?"
"Nothing really. Nice bloke though - got the beers in and asked after you. Didn't catch his name though, sorry"
"No worries - sure I'll run into him eventually!"
Terrifying!
You need to find out what the builder's favourite band/group is. Let's assume it's Radiohead.
After learning that the builder's favorite band is Radiohead, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Radiohead to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Radiohead would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.
The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Radiohead come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
After learning that the builder's favorite band is Radiohead, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Radiohead to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Radiohead would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.
The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Radiohead come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
Rawwr said:
You need to find out what the builder's favourite band/group is. Let's assume it's Radiohead.
After learning that the builder's favorite band is Radiohead, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Radiohead to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Radiohead would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.
The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Radiohead come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
What if the builders favourite group is Steps ?After learning that the builder's favorite band is Radiohead, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Radiohead to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Radiohead would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.
The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Radiohead come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
Disastrous said:
"John, there was a bloke said he was a mate of yours in the pub last night..."
"Oh yes, what was he after?"
"Nothing really. Nice bloke though - got the beers in and asked after you. Didn't catch his name though, sorry"
"No worries - sure I'll run into him eventually!"
Terrifying!
Taken in isolation. It isn't."Oh yes, what was he after?"
"Nothing really. Nice bloke though - got the beers in and asked after you. Didn't catch his name though, sorry"
"No worries - sure I'll run into him eventually!"
Terrifying!
John there was a bloke in here asking questions about you. The same guy who was in the pub..
John that guy from the pub last night. He was outside the house when I was going to work..
Customers tell him some guys been round asking questions about him.
And it keeps on happening.
I guess if you are some sort of cockney hard man it would be an irritation at best. To most people it would begin to become pretty unpleasant.
As I said it's only a joke. Only a bit of fun that a Fleet Street reporter of the 'phone hacking school of Journalism told me once.
I guess you'd 'ave it aht wiv the caaaant'. Arrange a 'straightener' with him in a field with an F Reg Range Rover.
Be lucky treacle.
Monkeylegend said:
What if the builders favourite group is Steps ?
After learning that the builder's favorite band is Steps, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Steps to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Steps would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Steps come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
Rawwr said:
Monkeylegend said:
What if the builders favourite group is Steps ?
After learning that the builder's favorite band is Steps, Soovy has the town see a video clip of them being interviewed, with the band members' audio poorly dubbed over by Soovy, making them say how much they hate the builder. However, the builder one-ups him by showing a video of Soovy doing his piggy song. Everyone laughs at Soovy's humiliation, including his friend Kenny who dies while laughing (even his spirit floating away is seen laughing). Enraged, Soovy writes a letter to Steps to get them to visit his town, claiming that the builder is a victim of "cancer, in his ass". Soovy tells his close friends of his plan to get the builder's penis bitten off at a chili cook-off, which Steps would arrive at and see him crying, making them think lowly of the builder. Afterward, Soovy's friend warn the builder. He tells his parents of a starving pony on an abandoned farm, which prompts his parents to go and save it that night. Also, in an attempt to publicly humiliate Soovy again, the builder cooks a chili consisting of the pubic hairs of all the teenagers in South Park.The next day at the chili cook-off, both the builder and Chef bring chili for the competition, as does Soovy. After they sit down to eat, the builder eats some of Soovy's chili, while Soovy lavishly scarfs down the builder's, much to the silent enjoyment of the onlookers (including Soovy's friends), who are in on the builder's prank. As Soovy is finishing the builder's chili, the builder prepares to tell him the secret ingredient, but Soovy then indicates that he already knew, and the chili he is eating is not the builder's, as he switched it with Chef's. Soovy tells the builder that he told Soovy's friends about his plan because he knew they would betray him and warn the builder. Soovy then announces that his actual plan was to get Mr. Denkins, the farmer who owns the pony, to shoot and kill the builder's parents for trespassing (saying that there were "violent pony killers" in the area). While Denkins was busy with the police, Soovy then stole the corpses, chopped them up and placed their body parts into the very chili the builder was eating. the builder then finds his mother's finger in the bowl (a reference to the Finger in Chili at Wendy's incident that happened the same year) and immediately vomits and starts crying. Soovy's final stage of his plan occurs when the members of Steps come along and – unaware of what just happened to the builder – make fun of the builder for crying. Finally, Soovy begins licking the "tears of unfathomable sadness" from the builder's face, and Soovy's friends, shocked and horrified at the depths to which Soovy went for revenge, agree to never anger him to the extent the builder did again.
wildcat45 said:
I guess you'd 'ave it aht wiv the caaaant'. Arrange a 'straightener' with him in a field with an F Reg Range Rover.
Be lucky treacle.
Well, I'm Scottish more than cockney so a 'straightener on the cobbles' probably unlikely. But in all seriousness, I'd absolutely confront the bloke and ask how I knew him and if I could help him with anything. I'm not a hard man at all but would just take that at face value I think.Be lucky treacle.
I suppose then he could explain that I'd ripped off his mum and then not sure what would happen...I'm not the sort to rip off an old lady so my instinct to try and resolve it or make it right somehow is probably not the same as the bloke's who would do it in the first place.
southendpier said:
Learn to become a builder
Set up rival local firm
Undercut him by 5%. After say 10 to 15 years his business will be really small. He will be desperate and will sell his business to you and go PAYE in your firm.
Then make him redundant.
Probably my favourite post ever. Fabulous. Set up rival local firm
Undercut him by 5%. After say 10 to 15 years his business will be really small. He will be desperate and will sell his business to you and go PAYE in your firm.
Then make him redundant.
Disastrous said:
Well, I'm Scottish more than cockney so a 'straightener on the cobbles' probably unlikely. But in all seriousness, I'd absolutely confront the bloke and ask how I knew him and if I could help him with anything. I'm not a hard man at all but would just take that at face value I think.
I suppose then he could explain that I'd ripped off his mum and then not sure what would happen...I'm not the sort to rip off an old lady so my instinct to try and resolve it or make it right somehow is probably not the same as the bloke's who would do it in the first place.
Not a hard man but from Glasgow equals a normal nutter south of the border. And I've a foot in both camps!I suppose then he could explain that I'd ripped off his mum and then not sure what would happen...I'm not the sort to rip off an old lady so my instinct to try and resolve it or make it right somehow is probably not the same as the bloke's who would do it in the first place.
I suppose your right, but the intention would be to provoke a reaction.
Anyway as I said, only a spot of fun. Have a good evening.
austinsmirk said:
if you have enough friends up for it: get them to invite him round to do extensive quotations for large building works on their homes.
it'll take hours of his time up, all to come to nothing for him.
its also the only legal suggestion so far on here.
But it would personally mess him up.
not really - questioning his accounts vis-a-vis "cash in hand", pension payments to his staff, VAT payments (or potential lack thereof), questioning if H&S breaches have occurred are all perfectly legalit'll take hours of his time up, all to come to nothing for him.
its also the only legal suggestion so far on here.
But it would personally mess him up.
wildcat45 said:
Disastrous said:
Well, I'm Scottish more than cockney so a 'straightener on the cobbles' probably unlikely. But in all seriousness, I'd absolutely confront the bloke and ask how I knew him and if I could help him with anything. I'm not a hard man at all but would just take that at face value I think.
I suppose then he could explain that I'd ripped off his mum and then not sure what would happen...I'm not the sort to rip off an old lady so my instinct to try and resolve it or make it right somehow is probably not the same as the bloke's who would do it in the first place.
Not a hard man but from Glasgow equals a normal nutter south of the border. And I've a foot in both camps!I suppose then he could explain that I'd ripped off his mum and then not sure what would happen...I'm not the sort to rip off an old lady so my instinct to try and resolve it or make it right somehow is probably not the same as the bloke's who would do it in the first place.
I suppose your right, but the intention would be to provoke a reaction.
Anyway as I said, only a spot of fun. Have a good evening.
irocfan said:
austinsmirk said:
if you have enough friends up for it: get them to invite him round to do extensive quotations for large building works on their homes.
it'll take hours of his time up, all to come to nothing for him.
its also the only legal suggestion so far on here.
But it would personally mess him up.
not really - questioning his accounts vis-a-vis "cash in hand", pension payments to his staff, VAT payments (or potential lack thereof), questioning if H&S breaches have occurred are all perfectly legalit'll take hours of his time up, all to come to nothing for him.
its also the only legal suggestion so far on here.
But it would personally mess him up.
tstorm approach is perfectly legal - after all it was the tax man who got al capone Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff