Starting again
Discussion
Oldandslow said:
How log did you live with the other half in "her" flat? Does she own it? Did you pay your share of mortgage and bills?
Can you see where I'm going here? Positions reversed and the woman was back at her mum's house. These are the questions she'd be getting asked.
No thank you. Not interested.Can you see where I'm going here? Positions reversed and the woman was back at her mum's house. These are the questions she'd be getting asked.
sc0tt said:
I'm in a strange position.
I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
I'm 29 years old. Good job contracting but don't have much to my name. Probably £7k.
I'm not sure if I am fortunate or not. I can do anything. Go anywhere, or rent a flat and carry on plodding along doing what I am doing.
Pretty gutted today but I think it was mutual from the pair of us.
What would you do? More travelling?
I've got until Saturday realistically as I'm sat in my old dears one bed bungalow until she returns.
Thanks for listening
Continue contracting and go with the flow with regards work location. Work on mainland Europe? Further overseas?I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
I'm 29 years old. Good job contracting but don't have much to my name. Probably £7k.
I'm not sure if I am fortunate or not. I can do anything. Go anywhere, or rent a flat and carry on plodding along doing what I am doing.
Pretty gutted today but I think it was mutual from the pair of us.
What would you do? More travelling?
I've got until Saturday realistically as I'm sat in my old dears one bed bungalow until she returns.
Thanks for listening
sc0tt said:
I'm in a strange position.
I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
Could you explain that sentence a bit more? I'm probably being thick, but can't quite work out what you're saying.I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
mjb1 said:
sc0tt said:
I'm in a strange position.
I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
Could you explain that sentence a bit more? I'm probably being thick, but can't quite work out what you're saying.I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
Split for a year
Sold house
She bought a flat
Got back together
Was in a very similar situation to you last October, decided to split up after 14years without being married or having kids, and similar with the house. A really good mate of mine put me up until Xmas and I then moved back to the other side of the country with the parents.
I think the trick is to keep busy and don't get stuck in a rut (easily done). Do things that make you happy, increases your confidence etc. I now go to the gym every other day for 2hrs+, on those 'days off' I've just started getting back in to cycling and dragged my dad along too
, bought myself a decent road/hybrid bike and doing roughly 20km a session. I'm really enjoying it despite the Welsh weather. I also treated myself to a new (to me) car.
Every so often I do think of what could have been with the ex and if we would ever get back together, but from the day we broke up I wished her all the happiness, and I still do. We still keep in contact over whatsapp, but it's mostly pleasantries i.e I've not asked her anything personal, dating etc etc, although I have been tempted.
I've only very recently started to think about dating and tbh I'm not ready yet to get back out there. Think I'll wait until I move back east.
Once my Uni course is finished at the end of the year it'll be time for a few weeks of holiday on my own, on a beach somewhere warm, relaxing, recharging the old batteries and really deciding on and finalising the plan.
Currently the plan is to move back to Cambridgeshire, get my new career going, get a dog, sell the current car for either a large estate or 4x4, take my B+E license, buy a car trailer and turn the MX5 in to a non road legal track car (hasn't had an mot for 2years and is a little rusty) and do plenty of track days.
Hope that helps
And the short version, it takes time, but it does get easier/better
I think the trick is to keep busy and don't get stuck in a rut (easily done). Do things that make you happy, increases your confidence etc. I now go to the gym every other day for 2hrs+, on those 'days off' I've just started getting back in to cycling and dragged my dad along too
, bought myself a decent road/hybrid bike and doing roughly 20km a session. I'm really enjoying it despite the Welsh weather. I also treated myself to a new (to me) car.Every so often I do think of what could have been with the ex and if we would ever get back together, but from the day we broke up I wished her all the happiness, and I still do. We still keep in contact over whatsapp, but it's mostly pleasantries i.e I've not asked her anything personal, dating etc etc, although I have been tempted.
I've only very recently started to think about dating and tbh I'm not ready yet to get back out there. Think I'll wait until I move back east.
Once my Uni course is finished at the end of the year it'll be time for a few weeks of holiday on my own, on a beach somewhere warm, relaxing, recharging the old batteries and really deciding on and finalising the plan.
Currently the plan is to move back to Cambridgeshire, get my new career going, get a dog, sell the current car for either a large estate or 4x4, take my B+E license, buy a car trailer and turn the MX5 in to a non road legal track car (hasn't had an mot for 2years and is a little rusty) and do plenty of track days.
Hope that helps
And the short version, it takes time, but it does get easier/better
Travel my good man, travel.
Visit Cuba and sample some of the fine cigars they produce, bop on over to the various islands of the Caribbean. You could keep heading south and end up in Patagonia.
Or head East, Far east and take in Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Burma on a rented bike. OR, just take the train and meander around, maybe down through Malaysia and end up in Singapore. Boat down to Indonesia and work your way down through the islands. OR, fly to the Philippines and see what's happening over there for a bit.
India could also be worth a stop. I quite fancy doing a bike ride from Thailand all the way to India and back again doing a different route.
You could stop off in India or somewhere in the middle east en route.
The travel is not a futile exercise in spending money to end up in a position of less cash in bank than when you started. That would be the mindset of the blinkered. The exercise would be to gain more world experience so you could potentially direct your career towards one or several of those countries in the future and be paid handsomely for doing so. Or if you prefer, to sample as many world beers as you can find
Or you could just commute back and forth to an office in the UK for a while until you meet the next girl.
my 2p
Visit Cuba and sample some of the fine cigars they produce, bop on over to the various islands of the Caribbean. You could keep heading south and end up in Patagonia.
Or head East, Far east and take in Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Burma on a rented bike. OR, just take the train and meander around, maybe down through Malaysia and end up in Singapore. Boat down to Indonesia and work your way down through the islands. OR, fly to the Philippines and see what's happening over there for a bit.
India could also be worth a stop. I quite fancy doing a bike ride from Thailand all the way to India and back again doing a different route.
You could stop off in India or somewhere in the middle east en route.
The travel is not a futile exercise in spending money to end up in a position of less cash in bank than when you started. That would be the mindset of the blinkered. The exercise would be to gain more world experience so you could potentially direct your career towards one or several of those countries in the future and be paid handsomely for doing so. Or if you prefer, to sample as many world beers as you can find
Or you could just commute back and forth to an office in the UK for a while until you meet the next girl.
my 2p
sc0tt said:
I'm in a strange position.
I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
I'm 29 years old. Good job contracting but don't have much to my name. Probably £7k.
I'm not sure if I am fortunate or not. I can do anything. Go anywhere, or rent a flat and carry on plodding along doing what I am doing.
Pretty gutted today but I think it was mutual from the pair of us.
What would you do? More travelling?
I've got until Saturday realistically as I'm sat in my old dears one bed bungalow until she returns.
Thanks for listening
Been there, done, that, got the t-shirt. I feel for you.I split with the missus last night. I started going out with her 11 years ago. We had a house, split before and she bought a flat. I spent all my money on crap and travelling. Good times.
I'm 29 years old. Good job contracting but don't have much to my name. Probably £7k.
I'm not sure if I am fortunate or not. I can do anything. Go anywhere, or rent a flat and carry on plodding along doing what I am doing.
Pretty gutted today but I think it was mutual from the pair of us.
What would you do? More travelling?
I've got until Saturday realistically as I'm sat in my old dears one bed bungalow until she returns.
Thanks for listening
Now more than ever, you need a goal. Something to strive for. The solution is not to blow your money on extravagances (like I did), but rather set you mind on something, make a robust plan and stick to it.
Moving abroad is a good plan. It's what I did (and what I wish I'd stuck to). The focus for you is to get a good bit of cash behind you and get back on the property ladder/investments etc.
At the time (I was also 29 - must be something about Women just about to turn 30), all my friends and family just gave me the usual, 'it'll be OK mate' kind of chat. Some of them even suggested I should try and patch things up again. Terrible advice.
In hindsight, if I was to be my 29 yr old self again, I'd delete facebook for a while (drunken facebook stalking will be your demise) and plan every hour of my day so that I was constantly busy, setting myself as many mini-goals as possible (losing weight, getting another degree etc.) In addition to that, I'd set about mapping the next five years, wherever and whatever that might be in the world and off I'd go.
Crucially, I'd draw a line on the past, appreciate it for what it was and look forward to the future.
Now, just four years on, I'm married to a wonderful girl, we have a fabulous little Jack Russel and we're living in a new country.
Best of luck to you.
DoubleTime said:
Travel my good man, travel.
Visit Cuba and sample some of the fine cigars they produce, bop on over to the various islands of the Caribbean. You could keep heading south and end up in Patagonia.
Or head East, Far east and take in Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Burma on a rented bike. OR, just take the train and meander around, maybe down through Malaysia and end up in Singapore. Boat down to Indonesia and work your way down through the islands. OR, fly to the Philippines and see what's happening over there for a bit.
India could also be worth a stop. I quite fancy doing a bike ride from Thailand all the way to India and back again doing a different route.
You could stop off in India or somewhere in the middle east en route.
The travel is not a futile exercise in spending money to end up in a position of less cash in bank than when you started. That would be the mindset of the blinkered. The exercise would be to gain more world experience so you could potentially direct your career towards one or several of those countries in the future and be paid handsomely for doing so. Or if you prefer, to sample as many world beers as you can find
Or you could just commute back and forth to an office in the UK for a while until you meet the next girl.
my 2p
Not sure why he would want to spend what little money he has visiting 3rd world countriesVisit Cuba and sample some of the fine cigars they produce, bop on over to the various islands of the Caribbean. You could keep heading south and end up in Patagonia.
Or head East, Far east and take in Thailand/Laos/Cambodia/Burma on a rented bike. OR, just take the train and meander around, maybe down through Malaysia and end up in Singapore. Boat down to Indonesia and work your way down through the islands. OR, fly to the Philippines and see what's happening over there for a bit.
India could also be worth a stop. I quite fancy doing a bike ride from Thailand all the way to India and back again doing a different route.
You could stop off in India or somewhere in the middle east en route.
The travel is not a futile exercise in spending money to end up in a position of less cash in bank than when you started. That would be the mindset of the blinkered. The exercise would be to gain more world experience so you could potentially direct your career towards one or several of those countries in the future and be paid handsomely for doing so. Or if you prefer, to sample as many world beers as you can find
Or you could just commute back and forth to an office in the UK for a while until you meet the next girl.
my 2p
I must admit I simply don't get the 'go travelling' bit at all. Spending what little cash there is on running away and hiding just doesn't seem logical.
Seems far more sensible to use the opportunity to target the career things that you've often thought about. Taking a job opportunity in the Philippines would give you much of the benefits of 'travelling' but while being paid.
Seems far more sensible to use the opportunity to target the career things that you've often thought about. Taking a job opportunity in the Philippines would give you much of the benefits of 'travelling' but while being paid.
Get the cheapest (decent) short term accommodation you can for the minute. Move your s
t into a garage, lock up mates etc. Live with the minimum you can in the accommodation. You don't want to "get comfy". ( I dont mean live on beans and toast sitting on a deck chair, just not to fill the place with every little creature comfort you own)
Think.
Take time and think.
That's all.
Once you've decided what would please you most. Do it.
t into a garage, lock up mates etc. Live with the minimum you can in the accommodation. You don't want to "get comfy". ( I dont mean live on beans and toast sitting on a deck chair, just not to fill the place with every little creature comfort you own)Think.
Take time and think.
That's all.
Once you've decided what would please you most. Do it.
DoubleTime said:
Or you could just commute back and forth to an office in the UK for a while until you meet the next girl.
my 2p
This is the bit that popped out at me the most. my 2p
When in a relationship, we spend most of our free time doing things as a couple or spending time with that person, making plans, having to ask first before making your own plans incase she's made plans for the both of you etc. Imagine what else you could do with that time!
Fancy a road trip this weekend? Get in the car, and off you go. Want to buy something expensive for yourself? Well go ahead. Gym 5 times a week? No problem. Beer with the lads Friday & Saturday night? Why the devil not.
While I 'get' the whole travelling thing, I agree perhaps it's better to use contracting to do it so you're building money up rather than dwindling it. That's what I would do anyway, probably with a week or two holiday somewhere first.
Just ask yourself what it is you've always wanted to do but couldn't. Enjoy the experience before another one comes along (which can happen sooner than you realise!) and get involved.
Best of luck
The best decisions are rarely made when you're staring down the barrel of a gun.
Take some time out, if neds be houseshare with someone. If your area has relatively cheap rents, put down 3 months upfront on somewhere (£2k?) and use the next couple of months to figure out what you want to do.
It might be that you want to go travelling. It might be that you want to move to a different area of the UK and set up a new life. It might be that you want to just live closer to your folks and change your lifestyle around a bit.
It might be that you want to think about your options for a while, and decide the best one for you. Dont let what someone else wants be what you have to do
Take some time out, if neds be houseshare with someone. If your area has relatively cheap rents, put down 3 months upfront on somewhere (£2k?) and use the next couple of months to figure out what you want to do.
It might be that you want to go travelling. It might be that you want to move to a different area of the UK and set up a new life. It might be that you want to just live closer to your folks and change your lifestyle around a bit.
It might be that you want to think about your options for a while, and decide the best one for you. Dont let what someone else wants be what you have to do
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