Suits you sir/madam
Discussion
It's a bright sunny day and the salesperson eagerly awaits his customers,but lurking in the shadows are customers with "problems".
These people are normally middle aged or elderly so you would imagine that having been aware of their " problems" for a lifetime they might have come to terms with them,far from it.
1) LONG ARM SYNDROME
In walks Mr Lanky looking for that jacket in the window display.
He tries it on,to your relief it fits perfectly,the arm length is spot on and then he does.....
" IT " .
He hoists his long arms as high as humanly possible above his head.....WHY....who walks around with their arms permanently hoisted two feet above their head ?
"It's too short in the arm " he says.
" What a surprise" ,you mutter silently giving a weak smile whilst retreating to the tea room to bang your head,several times, against the wall.
2) SHORT LEGITIS
You know you're going to have a problem when Mr Four foot 9 inches strolls in.
He wants a pair of cheap trousers, "just for work" he says.
So you show him the suitable strides in the shortest leg length you have,normally a 29inch inside leg.
He takes the trouser and holds it down along his the length of his leg.
Unfortunately he doesn't hold the trouser where his waist is but several inches' below.
He then states in astonishment,"it's too long mate".....surprise,surprise.
Now to be frank,you know that all off the peg trousers are going to be too long for this chap but what amazes you is .......why doesn't he know and come to terms with his stunted legs ?
3) FUNNY FEET
It's usually the older woman that has this " problem ".
In she trots and chooses an armful of shoes she wants to try on,in her size 6.
Off you go and return burdened by a pile of shoe boxes and then just before she starts trying them on she utters the dreaded mantra "I've got funny feet ".
You sigh silently knowing that this ain't going to be an easy sale,if indeed at all a sale.
She then continues with " I always have a problem with my funny feet ".
You suppress the urge to say " You may have funny feet but they don't make me laugh".
Finally after 30 minutes of her trying on the pile of size sixes and rejecting them you suggest she try on a six and and a half.
Any salesman,worth his salt,knows that that tiny difference in size will normally alleviate the problem.
"Oh no", she cries triumphantly, " I always take a size six ".
You feel like crying with exasperation but smile weakly as she trots off.
4) MR BIG.
"Got anything my size mate ",he asks.
In front of me is Mr Big, he is sweating and red faced,owing to fact that the very effort of walking and standing upright is, for him, a problem due to the extra weight he is carrying.
You find him a jacket in his size, an XXXXL and he tries it on.
It's your lucky day...it fits.
But no....wait just a moment and he does " IT ".
Not satisfied that you actually have a garment that fits he then starts to puff himself up like a peacock, thereby expanding his waist and chest so that the jacket,which a minute ago was a perfect fit, now becomes a tad too tight.
WHY......who goes around puffed up like a bleedin' peacock ?
Now you readers may be thinking,isn't the customer right to expect the perfect fit.
Well yes ,but not in your average shop where the clothing and footwear is made in a size for the average body shape.
There are shops that cater for the tall,short petite or overweight but does he or she go there,no,possibly because the clothing and shoes cost at least twice as much as the manufacturing process is more expensive for these special requirements.
What I can't get my head around is why,after living with these "problems" all their lives these customers appear surprised when they go shopping and don't find that perfect fit.
Sent from my iPad
These people are normally middle aged or elderly so you would imagine that having been aware of their " problems" for a lifetime they might have come to terms with them,far from it.
1) LONG ARM SYNDROME
In walks Mr Lanky looking for that jacket in the window display.
He tries it on,to your relief it fits perfectly,the arm length is spot on and then he does.....
" IT " .
He hoists his long arms as high as humanly possible above his head.....WHY....who walks around with their arms permanently hoisted two feet above their head ?
"It's too short in the arm " he says.
" What a surprise" ,you mutter silently giving a weak smile whilst retreating to the tea room to bang your head,several times, against the wall.
2) SHORT LEGITIS
You know you're going to have a problem when Mr Four foot 9 inches strolls in.
He wants a pair of cheap trousers, "just for work" he says.
So you show him the suitable strides in the shortest leg length you have,normally a 29inch inside leg.
He takes the trouser and holds it down along his the length of his leg.
Unfortunately he doesn't hold the trouser where his waist is but several inches' below.
He then states in astonishment,"it's too long mate".....surprise,surprise.
Now to be frank,you know that all off the peg trousers are going to be too long for this chap but what amazes you is .......why doesn't he know and come to terms with his stunted legs ?
3) FUNNY FEET
It's usually the older woman that has this " problem ".
In she trots and chooses an armful of shoes she wants to try on,in her size 6.
Off you go and return burdened by a pile of shoe boxes and then just before she starts trying them on she utters the dreaded mantra "I've got funny feet ".
You sigh silently knowing that this ain't going to be an easy sale,if indeed at all a sale.
She then continues with " I always have a problem with my funny feet ".
You suppress the urge to say " You may have funny feet but they don't make me laugh".
Finally after 30 minutes of her trying on the pile of size sixes and rejecting them you suggest she try on a six and and a half.
Any salesman,worth his salt,knows that that tiny difference in size will normally alleviate the problem.
"Oh no", she cries triumphantly, " I always take a size six ".
You feel like crying with exasperation but smile weakly as she trots off.
4) MR BIG.
"Got anything my size mate ",he asks.
In front of me is Mr Big, he is sweating and red faced,owing to fact that the very effort of walking and standing upright is, for him, a problem due to the extra weight he is carrying.
You find him a jacket in his size, an XXXXL and he tries it on.
It's your lucky day...it fits.
But no....wait just a moment and he does " IT ".
Not satisfied that you actually have a garment that fits he then starts to puff himself up like a peacock, thereby expanding his waist and chest so that the jacket,which a minute ago was a perfect fit, now becomes a tad too tight.
WHY......who goes around puffed up like a bleedin' peacock ?
Now you readers may be thinking,isn't the customer right to expect the perfect fit.
Well yes ,but not in your average shop where the clothing and footwear is made in a size for the average body shape.
There are shops that cater for the tall,short petite or overweight but does he or she go there,no,possibly because the clothing and shoes cost at least twice as much as the manufacturing process is more expensive for these special requirements.
What I can't get my head around is why,after living with these "problems" all their lives these customers appear surprised when they go shopping and don't find that perfect fit.
Sent from my iPad
te and holding my dick.desolate said:
avinalarf said:
Never bored.....if I've got nothing to do I count my wonga.
Great post OPWe are in the process of systematic meltdown and I think you have enunciated the nub of the problem.
We need you in charge. Now.
desolate said:
avinalarf said:
Never bored.....if I've got nothing to do I count my wonga.
Great post OPWe are in the process of systematic meltdown and I think you have enunciated the nub of the problem.
We need you in charge. Now.
What problem is that ?
If I wake up in the morning with all my limbs intact,look at the wife asleep,gently snoring,and my kids are ok ,I'm content.
desolate said:
avinalarf said:
If I wake up in the morning with all my limbs intact,look at the wife asleep,gently snoring,and my kids are ok ,I'm content.
That's that problem sorted then.PoleDriver said:
avinalarf said:
I suppose one could phrase it that way if you're oop north.......Londoners use more delicate language.
London? That is 'oop North'!As for the rest of the U.K. .....you're all foreigners.
I don't know why professional clothing merchants just don't tell the customer that they don't sell clothing for abnormal people rather than hope that this time they can put one over on the freak and make a sale.
Typed by my secretary on whatever she has been supplied with by the IT department. How the hell should I know? It's not my responsibility. It's bad enough trying to get the sodding thing they gave me to work properly without having to worry about hers as well. Have those ärses from accounts rung back yet? No, don't type that. Oh FFS woman.
Typed by my secretary on whatever she has been supplied with by the IT department. How the hell should I know? It's not my responsibility. It's bad enough trying to get the sodding thing they gave me to work properly without having to worry about hers as well. Have those ärses from accounts rung back yet? No, don't type that. Oh FFS woman.
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