Jail sentences of approx 2 years!?

Jail sentences of approx 2 years!?

Author
Discussion

Andehh

Original Poster:

7,107 posts

205 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
It's our second anniversary in a couple of weeks and im gunna get her a cushion (maybe a pair?) of all the other ways I could have spent the last 2 years of my life.

Therefore, does anyone know of jail sentences that last approx 2 years? biggrin

Roy Lime

594 posts

131 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
I'll have a couple of whatever you've been on this afternoon, please.

anonymous-user

53 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
4 year ones

andymc

7,334 posts

206 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
Andehh said:
It's our second anniversary in a couple of weeks and im gunna get her a cushion (maybe a pair?) of all the other ways I could have spent the last 2 years of my life.

Therefore, does anyone know of jail sentences that last approx 2 years? biggrin
sodomy?

ikarl

3,730 posts

198 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
35 in a 30?

hehe

wack

2,103 posts

205 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
Andehh said:
It's our second anniversary in a couple of weeks and im gunna get her a cushion (maybe a pair?) of all the other ways I could have spent the last 2 years of my life.
Mine came with 2 cushions, I spent the first 2 years fluffing them up regularly

Artey

757 posts

105 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
Roy Lime said:
I'll have a couple of whatever you've been on this afternoon, please.
In case you didn't notice

Andehh said:
It's our second anniversary
so cut the guy some slack will ya?

sebhaque

6,402 posts

180 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
You could do 153mph on a motorcycle.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3412322/Sh...

ETA - or you could send a couple of million facebook spam messages.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3642189/2-...

You could also claim rape - maybe one to avoid.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3372802/Wo...

Or you could notch up £75k in fraud.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3645904/Fr...

To be honest, just doing a google search of "Daily Mail jailed two years" should give you plenty of material.

Edited by sebhaque on Sunday 17th July 19:56

Blakewater

4,303 posts

156 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
Just don't let your partner catch you being distracted by the side bar of shame or you won't make it to a third anniversary.

bigandclever

13,750 posts

237 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
There are loads, but just pick from one of these and hilarity will undoubtedly ensue in your house:

(Maximum sentences)

Administering drugs to obtain intercourse Sexual Offences Act 1956 s.4 2 years
Sex with adult relative: penetration Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 64 2 years
Sex with adult relative: consenting to penetration Sexual Offences Act 2003 s.65 2 years
Exposure Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 66 2 years
Voyeurism Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 67 2 years
Intercourse with an animal Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 69 2 years
Sexual penetration of a corpse Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 70 2 years
Procuring others to commit homosexual acts Sexual Offences Act 1967 s.4 2 years

Or, if you must, Wanton or furious driving Offences against the Person Act 1861 s.35 2 years

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
Free tip: don't.

It might seem funny, but there is no upside for you.

HTH

creampuff

6,511 posts

142 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
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bigandclever said:
There are loads, but just pick from one of these and hilarity will undoubtedly ensue in your house:

Sexual penetration of a corpse Sexual Offences Act 2003 s. 70 2 years
If you just strip the corpse naked and nut one out over it, is that still an offence?

anonymous-user

53 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
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Can someone translate the OP for me please? I want to enjoy this thread but just can't get my head around it

wack

2,103 posts

205 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
OpulentBob said:
Can someone translate the OP for me please? I want to enjoy this thread but just can't get my head around it
OP has been married 2 years , has decided he doesn't like sex any more , well not as soon as he gives her this cushion with how st it's been anyway

glenrobbo

35,077 posts

149 months

Sunday 17th July 2016
quotequote all
It will be the 46th anniversay of our wedding this coming September, but I cannot remember if the gift should be kevlar or polonium.
Can anyone advise please?

46 years! scratchchin That's equivalent to two life sentences for murder and an extra 6 years thrown in for bad behaviour. frown

OP. Your gift idea is not a good one. Unless you have a death wish 💀.

Flowers, champagne and a really nice meal. That way you will survive another year.

Vaud

50,289 posts

154 months

Monday 18th July 2016
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OpulentBob said:
Can someone translate the OP for me please? I want to enjoy this thread but just can't get my head around it
He's trying to be witty / clever.

Admittedly we don't know his wife's sense of humour, but generally it sounds like a terrible idea that could massively back fire.

AB

16,969 posts

194 months

Monday 18th July 2016
quotequote all
Blakewater said:
Just don't let your partner catch you being distracted by the side bar of shame or you won't make it to a third anniversary.
I read the above yours an hour and a half ago... came back to PH and read this. Definitely distracted by the sidebar of shame!


Roy Lime

594 posts

131 months

Monday 18th July 2016
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OpulentBob said:
Can someone translate the OP for me please? I want to enjoy this thread but just can't get my head around it
I'm glad it isn't just me. I have no idea at all what the OP means by "a cushion of all the other ways..."

Andehh

Original Poster:

7,107 posts

205 months

Friday 29th July 2016
quotequote all
Just to update, below is what I created.

So as a joke, instead of 2 years married to her, I could have spent 2 years in jail! In return she got me rude socks & a T shirt of how she owns my sorry ass. Alls fair in love & war! biggrin

Front:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/72120595/20160...

and

Back:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/phx1ayqptzqmppw/20160726...

Edited by Andehh on Friday 29th July 11:40

944fan

4,962 posts

184 months

Friday 29th July 2016
quotequote all
You two are zany!