Marriage proposal...the logistics...

[Subbuteo]

I am planning to propose to my long suffering girlfriend on holiday next year and have a few queries about the logistics, specifically around getting the ring 4,000 miles away undetected....

I presume hand luggage is the safest way to go in terms of making sure it doesn't take an unforeseen separation from me.....presumably it's something that security scanner operators are used to seeing and won't bat an eyelid at? Women must routinely carry jewellery in their hand luggage.

The other issue I have is that the girlfriend wears no rings. At all. Meaning I have about a 1 in 20 chance of choosing the right size.

Is it a fairly routine affair to get it adjusted after the event? Does a reputable jeweller normally offer this service included in the price of the ring? I really want to buy the ring in advance and really want to take the real one away, I know there are alternatives but I'll take the risk....we will have a safe in the room and she wouldn't know how to operate it anyway

Also does anyone have a particular recommendation where high street jewellers are concerned, any to particularly avoid?

[Ynox]

Getting rings resized is pretty straightforward.

Most of the high street jewellers are over priced. I was lucky in that my proposal was 'fk it, let's get married' whilst wrecked one evening. We then went ring shopping down in the lanes in Brighton where I got a good cash deal on a nice ring. Meant my wife chose her own ring and there was a lot less stress (she also doesn't wear any rings other than her engagement ring and a wedding ring).

[Subbuteo]

Does it work both ways? As in just as easy to adjust up as down? Logically it seems like it would be easier to have it made smaller than bigger, so I'd be better off erring on the side of caution and going bigger than I think I need?

[Ynox]

Subbuteo said:

Does it work both ways? As in just as easy to adjust up as down? Logically it seems like it would be easier to have it made smaller than bigger, so I'd be better off erring on the side of caution and going bigger than I think I need?

Is it Nightmare (rings a bell) on here who's a jeweller? Might be worth a post in the Watches forum to ask this question.

For what it's worth - my wife's ring had to go smaller if remember right!

[RedWhiteMonkey]

You could try the Pulp Fiction approach.

[Subbuteo]

DELETED: Comment made by a member who's account has been deleted.

I did think about that but I really want to do it with the actual ring. And she'd want me to choose rather than shop for it together. I'm not worried about the security side of it as such, it'll be on my person the entire time between airport and hotel room, then in a safe.

My main concern is having my cover blown in the airport at a security scanner but guessing they'll be able to clearly see it's a ring in a box and nothing noteworthy....they must see it every day

[warp9]

As we know, women have very specific desires that almost without fail utterly baffle their male counterparts. As your gf doesn't wear rings, it would suggest she may fall into this category. You'd be a braver man than me to drop £4-5K on a ring that she's not happy with, when my suggestion would be to bring a token gesture ring with you to do the deed with and then when you return can go shopping together for something she actually wants.

My pennies worth and all that.

[davek_964]

Subbuteo said:

I did think about that but I really want to do it with the actual ring. And she'd want me to choose rather than shop for it together. I'm not worried about the security side of it as such, it'll be on my person the entire time between airport and hotel room, then in a safe.

My main concern is having my cover blown in the airport at a security scanner but guessing they'll be able to clearly see it's a ring in a box and nothing noteworthy....they must see it every day

True, but remember that might not be the only reason they decide to search your luggage. If there is anything that looks odd - however innocent it may be - they will do so. Last time I flew, my luggage was searched by them - can't remember what it was that upset them. And many years ago, I remember that a phone charger was the cause (something in the plug part had looked like a sharp object I think).

So, I doubt the they will search your luggage because of the ring - but that doesn't mean they won't search your luggage, even though they <probably> won't.

[Subbuteo]

warp9 said:

As we know, women have very specific desires that almost without fail utterly baffle their male counterparts. As your gf doesn't wear rings, it would suggest she may fall into this category. You'd be a braver man than me to drop £4-5K on a ring that she's not happy with, when my suggestion would be to bring a token gesture ring with you to do the deed with and then when you return can go shopping together for something she actually wants.

My pennies worth and all that.

Appreciate that, and in most cases is definitely agree with you! However by the time the day comes we'll have been together 15 years! We've had more than one casual chat about such things and I have a very good idea of her likes and dislikes!

And sadly £4-5k is some considerable way north of what budget I'll be working with, but that's another story!!

[crashley]

I did this. Tucked it into a little velvet bag thing inside my wallet and carried it around for a week (including a weekend at the Singapore GP) until the time was 'right' in Bali, where i dropped it in the sand, in the dark. Ever the romantic fool.

NB Don't buy from the high street. Try a non-shop front diamond man in Hatton Garden if you're anywhere near London for better value, and they'll all re-size without issue. Also, if she's not a tt, she'll love it and won't demand you take it back for a different style, so i wouldn't worry about that.

[Subbuteo]

davek_964 said:

True, but remember that might not be the only reason they decide to search your luggage. If there is anything that looks odd - however innocent it may be - they will do so. Last time I flew, my luggage was searched by them - can't remember what it was that upset them. And many years ago, I remember that a phone charger was the cause (something in the plug part had looked like a sharp object I think).

So, I doubt the they will search your luggage because of the ring - but that doesn't mean they won't search your luggage, even though they <probably> won't.

Yep good point. Luckily I travel very light where hand luggage is concerned, I hate carrying anything I don't have to. So in reality it's likely to be phone, travel documents, wallet and a ring! Hopefully no cause for a cavity search

[Subbuteo]

crashley said:

I did this. Tucked it into a little velvet bag thing inside my wallet and carried it around for a week (including a weekend at the Singapore GP) until the time was 'right' in Bali, where i dropped it in the sand, in the dark. Ever the romantic fool.

NB Don't buy from the high street. Try a non-shop front diamond man in Hatton Garden if you're anywhere near London for better value, and they'll all re-size without issue. Also, if she's not a tt, she'll love it and won't demand you take it back for a different style, so i wouldn't worry about that.

thanks for that. Beach sunset was going to be my MO also...will make sure to keep a firm grip on her ring, as it were.

Quite a way from London but sure there are some decent indy jewellers where I am. Will do some research!

[nitrodave]

I proposed with a cheapy when I did it. She was so overwhelmed it didn't matter what I used at the time. She also really liked that she got to choose her own ring in her own time.

SWMBO does have a unique taste and I knew I would have got something she didn't like if it was left to me to decide.

Worth considering, especially if you are doing it abroad.

[MDMetal]

resizing tension set diamonds is less simple just so your aware!

[smn159]

I don't really get the 'next year' thing. If you've decided the you want to marry her, why not ask her now?

[Foliage]

Put it in your wallet, if you don't have a suitably large wallet with somewhere to secure it (zipped or velcro'd compartment), purchase one. Its also worth fashioning some way of tying it in.

A money belt would also be an option that id use, make sure that its the Velcro type not the zip type.

As for resizing, its possible to have a ring made larger by adding material seamlessly back in, but id endeavour to find out her size, perhaps enlist the help of your or her mother if they can be trusted not to blab.

[anonymous-user]

Subbuteo said:

Appreciate that, and in most cases is definitely agree with you! However by the time the day comes we'll have been together 15 years! We've had more than one casual chat about such things and I have a very good idea of her likes and dislikes!

And sadly £4-5k is some considerable way north of what budget I'll be working with, but that's another story!!

I proposed at a festival and had a similar concern so I made a temp ring that meant something to both of us and she chose her own ring.

My brother explained it thusly:

Imagine she decides to treat you to a car, she knows you like M3's so manages to source you one, but its Phoenix Yellow, with Red Leather, SMG and Convertible. Its still a lovely and almost the right car but not quite, now imagine you have to drive the car every day, for the rest of your life.

Also as a warning, when we went ring shopping after the festival she had an idea of what she wanted and what she definitely didn't want, she definitely didn't want a solitaire diamond ring, off we traipsed, all day spent looking and trying (and drinking free champagne), what did she buy? You guessed it

I would get a temp ring

[Subbuteo]

smn159 said:

I don't really get the 'next year' thing. If you've decided the you want to marry her, why not ask her now?

We're going to be on the holiday of a lifetime to celebrate 15 years of being together. So I'm doing it on that date.

[Disastrous]

I got mine clattered one night and then used a borrowed ring sizer on her after she'd passed out, fully cognisant of the fact that I'd have to smother her if she woke up.

Then I took a gamble and got a ring designed that I thought she'd like. She did, fortunately!

Good luck!

[Subbuteo]

Haha that's brilliant.

Though my concern would be if she wakes up and finds me trying to insert her fingers into bizarre places, it might make her reconsider the holiday