Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
Sheepshanks said:
FGB said:
TheLordJohn said:
There's some days when I am fairly sure I am towards the end.
I reckon if I asked "Is this marriage over?", I'd get a yes...!
20's, married 3 years.
If you have doubts after 3 years I'd say you married the wrong person.I reckon if I asked "Is this marriage over?", I'd get a yes...!
20's, married 3 years.
Get out asap!
FGB said:
If you have doubts after 3 years I'd say you married the wrong person.
But she wasn't the wrong person when we were in a relationship. She was perfect. (and I probably was for her, too).Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
TheLordJohn said:
FGB said:
If you have doubts after 3 years I'd say you married the wrong person.
But she wasn't the wrong person when we were in a relationship. She was perfect. (and I probably was for her, too).Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
And you will need to adapt to those changes.
Its probably a bigger change for men as they basically have to grow up
A couple of my Accountant mates recently split up from their wives. Both the same age as me, both guys I thought were decent, hard working "husbands/dads". Now they're not exactly adonises but both are fairly succesfull, both have been married for a while with grown up kids at University.
The reason they've split up and married again? Looks to me like its mainly boredom, midlife crisis, and a need to prove their manliness. They've both got a bit of spare cash (one has 5 cars including an RRS as a daily and a 911 for the weekends), both susceptible to a bit of flattery from somebody young, female, and "nice on the eye". In one case he's kicked his wife and (grown up kids) out of the house and moved Trophy Wife in. That's a bit 5hitty in my book but it's his life.
The reason they've split up and married again? Looks to me like its mainly boredom, midlife crisis, and a need to prove their manliness. They've both got a bit of spare cash (one has 5 cars including an RRS as a daily and a 911 for the weekends), both susceptible to a bit of flattery from somebody young, female, and "nice on the eye". In one case he's kicked his wife and (grown up kids) out of the house and moved Trophy Wife in. That's a bit 5hitty in my book but it's his life.
TheLordJohn said:
FGB said:
If you have doubts after 3 years I'd say you married the wrong person.
But she wasn't the wrong person when we were in a relationship. She was perfect. (and I probably was for her, too).Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
Myself and my wife have been together 25 years; met when I was 16 and she was 17, married 7 (I think; maybe 8!!), 2 kids (17 and 24) we have changed massively during the 25 years but we still get on fantastically well, have shared interests and I still love her to bits and would be lost without her.
TheLordJohn said:
FGB said:
If you have doubts after 3 years I'd say you married the wrong person.
But she wasn't the wrong person when we were in a relationship. She was perfect. (and I probably was for her, too).Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
TheLordJohn said:
But she wasn't the wrong person when we were in a relationship. She was perfect. (and I probably was for her, too).
Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
Yeah, fortunately I didn't make it to the wedding part. Everything was great, planning for the future etc, Popped the question, she said yes, started planning the wedding, and really it all went downhill from there. The relationship just kind of disappeared up it's own arse. I should have been married 3 months, instead I've spent the last 7 months single and doing all the daft stuff I put off when I was being sensible and planning for the future!Marriage just seems to change relationships, somehow.
Don't know where I read it but it's rather accurate - 'The problem with marriage is women expect men to change and men expect women not to change'.
I'm fairly sure I am the same person I was 6/7 years ago when we met.
Aside from little bits of taste and interest which change as you age.
bucksmanuk said:
Ari said:
My friend's wife tried very hard to provoke him to hit her in order to be able to get him basically banned from the house. He didn't, but she went to the police and told them that he had anyway. Fortunately they (presumably) saw straight through her as no action at all was taken (maybe they get this a lot).
Discussions with the policemen/women I know indicates this happens in many cases- numbers/percent’s not given through – annoyingly.Countdown said:
... both susceptible to a bit of flattery from somebody young, female, and "nice on the eye". In one case he's kicked his wife and (grown up kids) out of the house and moved Trophy Wife in. That's a bit 5hitty in my book but it's his life.
I've fallen out with colleagues who've done that sort of thing, but sweeping generalisation, I do think a lot of wives are close to taking the mick in terms of soaking up everything their husbands have but giving little back. In the main they do an adequate job but you'd have to think that if you were performance reviewing them at work then it wouldn't go very well.
Sheepshanks said:
I do think a lot of wives are close to taking the mick in terms of soaking up everything their husbands have but giving little back.
In the main they do an adequate job but you'd have to think that if you were performance reviewing them at work then it wouldn't go very well.
Same could be said for husbands. A decent stable marriage requires lots of give and take on both sides. The initial burst of true love fades after a while. You do need to be able to accommodate and compromise. There seems to be a lack of willingness to do that.In the main they do an adequate job but you'd have to think that if you were performance reviewing them at work then it wouldn't go very well.
Once a wife has kids and a roof over her head there's not really very much to stop her going for a divorce. She will spend her life doting on the kid(s) rather than her husband [fact of life] and knows full well that he'll be the one who has to provide a good deal of financial help for many more years.
Sounds like a terrible situation. Best wishes for a speedy and (relatively) painless solution and the chance to move on with your life.HTP99 said:
Myself and my wife have been together 25 years; met when I was 16 and she was 17, married 7 (I think; maybe 8!!), 2 kids (17 and 24) we have changed massively during the 25 years but we still get on fantastically well, have shared interests and I still love her to bits and would be lost without her.
You are a very lucky man and I wish your family continuing happiness.Mobile Chicane said:
Three sides to every story: his side, her side, and then there's the truth.
Yes I get that some wimmins can be difficult, but if she hates him that much that she wants him out of her and her son's life completely, then there has to be a compelling reason.
You mean like she's just a bYes I get that some wimmins can be difficult, but if she hates him that much that she wants him out of her and her son's life completely, then there has to be a compelling reason.
h?Here is Tonker's original post on the subject, seems quite obvious that she is one of those women that believes she's perfect & can do no wrong.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Robertj21a said:
Once a wife has kids and a roof over her head there's not really very much to stop her going for a divorce. She will spend her life doting on the kid(s) rather than her husband [fact of life] and knows full well that he'll be the one who has to provide a good deal of financial help for many more years.
Once they're over 16/18 I don't think there's any obligation on him to provide her with a house or income. And chances are, if she's spent the last 15/20 years mainly looking after the kids and the house then she won't have as much income as him. So the other way of looking at it is - he makes best use of her until he no longer needs her, boots her out of the house and moves in a younger model.In most cases it's probably 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but (from what Ive seen) it seems to be the woman who gets the short end of the stick.
Countdown said:
Once they're over 16/18 I don't think there's any obligation on him to provide her with a house or income. And chances are, if she's spent the last 15/20 years mainly looking after the kids and the house then she won't have as much income as him. So the other way of looking at it is - he makes best use of her until he no longer needs her, boots her out of the house and moves in a younger model.
In most cases it's probably 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but (from what Ive seen) it seems to be the woman who gets the short end of the stick.
Agree with the 16/18 bit- but that's a long time away when the kid is still only 3-4 years old.In most cases it's probably 6 of one and half a dozen of the other but (from what Ive seen) it seems to be the woman who gets the short end of the stick.
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