Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
anonymous said:
[redacted]
So, you get 2 days in 14.Then you discover that his prep holds Mandarin/Polo/Ocelot Husbandary on Saturday mornings and what sort of monster would you be to damage his education. So pick him up at 2.
He'll have an early start on Mondays for Pilates and Chem lab, so needs to be back by 3 on Sunday. Ref: monster.
Oh, those add £1200 a month to the fees, a cheque will be fine.
Welcome to my world! its the way yours is heading as well I am afraid, I never in a million years predicated it either, and once she initiates it through the courts you are just along for a time consuming, ultra frustrating and expensive ride where there will be only one winner, judges don't risk their pensions by listening to both sides, they take the easy route out.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
PAUL500 said:
Welcome to my world! its the way yours is heading as well I am afraid, I never in a million years predicated it either, and once she initiates it through the courts you are just along for a time consuming, ultra frustrating and expensive ride where there will be only one winner, judges don't risk their pensions by listening to both sides, they take the easy route out.
I realise I have no experience of how this really works, but if I ever get left with 2 in 14, *everybody* is going to be on basic rations. There's no way I'd be able to slog my guts out for that kind of settlement.anonymous said:
[redacted]
Gents, until you go through it you simply cannot believe how one sided the process is! I firmly thought that the fathers for justice guys were the lunatic fringe, and surely the system cannot be so biased against dads but oh boy it is.
I was like tonker and fought my corner all the way, it mentally drains you in the end as you keep telling yourself this is simply not fair! I still got screwed. I supported all my claims with hard evidence, all ignored, my ex just simply said things in court, nothing to back it up, and it was accepted as hard fact by the judge.
Arbitration/mediation is a waste of time, they can and do back out of it whenever they choose to, even the judge simply said mine could change her mind if she wanted to without any penalty from the court. Had that been me he would have come down even harder!
If they have access to funds to take it through the courts, and the malice to do so then it happens every time, as they are on to a sure fire winner.
I read an anecdote somewhere that a marriage contract is the worst financial agreement a man can ever enter into as he is on the back foot financially from the day he signs it.
I was like tonker and fought my corner all the way, it mentally drains you in the end as you keep telling yourself this is simply not fair! I still got screwed. I supported all my claims with hard evidence, all ignored, my ex just simply said things in court, nothing to back it up, and it was accepted as hard fact by the judge.
Arbitration/mediation is a waste of time, they can and do back out of it whenever they choose to, even the judge simply said mine could change her mind if she wanted to without any penalty from the court. Had that been me he would have come down even harder!
If they have access to funds to take it through the courts, and the malice to do so then it happens every time, as they are on to a sure fire winner.
I read an anecdote somewhere that a marriage contract is the worst financial agreement a man can ever enter into as he is on the back foot financially from the day he signs it.
PAUL500 said:
Gents, until you go through it you simply cannot believe how one sided the process is! I firmly thought that the fathers for justice guys were the lunatic fringe, and surely the system cannot be so biased against dads but oh boy it is.
I was like tonker and fought my corner all the way, it mentally drains you in the end as you keep telling yourself this is simply not fair! I still got screwed. I supported all my claims with hard evidence, all ignored, my ex just simply said things in court, nothing to back it up, and it was accepted as hard fact by the judge.
Arbitration/mediation is a waste of time, they can and do back out of it whenever they choose to, even the judge simply said mine could change her mind if she wanted to without any penalty from the court. Had that been me he would have come down even harder!
If they have access to funds to take it through the courts, and the malice to do so then it happens every time, as they are on to a sure fire winner.
I read an anecdote somewhere that a marriage contract is the worst financial agreement a man can ever enter into as he is on the back foot financially from the day he signs it.
I have every sympathy for those that have been through it. I have maybe a year, tops, until smth happens. My OH effectively hisses at me in contempt, for no rational reason. In front of the kids, who are now questioning her.I was like tonker and fought my corner all the way, it mentally drains you in the end as you keep telling yourself this is simply not fair! I still got screwed. I supported all my claims with hard evidence, all ignored, my ex just simply said things in court, nothing to back it up, and it was accepted as hard fact by the judge.
Arbitration/mediation is a waste of time, they can and do back out of it whenever they choose to, even the judge simply said mine could change her mind if she wanted to without any penalty from the court. Had that been me he would have come down even harder!
If they have access to funds to take it through the courts, and the malice to do so then it happens every time, as they are on to a sure fire winner.
I read an anecdote somewhere that a marriage contract is the worst financial agreement a man can ever enter into as he is on the back foot financially from the day he signs it.
Anyway, I'm focussed on the best for them. The marriage is dead, but when do you decide that staying together is worse for kids then at least being present, even in a failed marriage? The only thing I really care about is quality time with them but I can't fathom making the call and being seen as effectively 'walking out', so it's her call.
Exactly Olly, you have 50/50 care but only have 40% to home your children, why should your ex get 20% more than you on that basis!
Mine was 72/28 via a final hearing I did not even want to enter into.
Psychic Pauls prediction for how Tonkers situation will play out:-
As the contract exchange date draws nearer she will get even more erratic, her friends and solicitor will be in her ear saying why should you have to move out of the home etc.
Claims will start to be made against him.
He will come home one day to find a court official/police waiting with an ex parte exclusion/non molestation order on him. He will have 10 mins to gather his things then not be allowed within 100 metres of the house for the next year.
A few days later she will initiate a financial order process through the courts.
Sale will fall through as she wont sign the paperwork.
Throughout the ensuing court process she will dodge all chances of agreeing a settlement and 18 months later they will be sat in a final hearing.
She will claim main custody on their child and so will be granted the lions share of the assets. A few weeks later she will want him to have their son more and more, knowing full well he will not refuse. A year or so later he will be main carer and she will be on her toes with the money.
I so so hope I am wrong, but have seen all the above happen so many times now as its the playbook divorce lawyers use time and time again with bitter, entitled ex wives.
Mine was 72/28 via a final hearing I did not even want to enter into.
Psychic Pauls prediction for how Tonkers situation will play out:-
As the contract exchange date draws nearer she will get even more erratic, her friends and solicitor will be in her ear saying why should you have to move out of the home etc.
Claims will start to be made against him.
He will come home one day to find a court official/police waiting with an ex parte exclusion/non molestation order on him. He will have 10 mins to gather his things then not be allowed within 100 metres of the house for the next year.
A few days later she will initiate a financial order process through the courts.
Sale will fall through as she wont sign the paperwork.
Throughout the ensuing court process she will dodge all chances of agreeing a settlement and 18 months later they will be sat in a final hearing.
She will claim main custody on their child and so will be granted the lions share of the assets. A few weeks later she will want him to have their son more and more, knowing full well he will not refuse. A year or so later he will be main carer and she will be on her toes with the money.
I so so hope I am wrong, but have seen all the above happen so many times now as its the playbook divorce lawyers use time and time again with bitter, entitled ex wives.
olly22n said:
I'm sure you know this already, but I am far happier in my 2 up 2 down terraced house with no garden or driveway than I ever was in my big 4 bed detached, f&r gardened triple driveway double garage house with her.
Material possessions mean f
k all in the long run.
I'm sure my ex-wife is also much happier in her 4 bed detached property in the country than living with me in the same 4 bedroom detached property in the country. She's got a smaller mortgage now too ;-)Material possessions mean f
k all in the long run.Can't agree more though, life it too short to favour the status quo over the chance of some happiness.
yajeed said:
I'm sure my ex-wife is also much happier in her 4 bed detached property in the country than living with me in the same 4 bedroom detached property in the country. She's got a smaller mortgage now too ;-)
Can't agree more though, life it too short to favour the status quo over the chance of some happiness.
+1Can't agree more though, life it too short to favour the status quo over the chance of some happiness.
+2
+3
ClaphamGT3 said:
To join the commonwealth of agreement, I had the same outcome; my wife got all the money and possessions, which always all she cared about and I got my life back, which was all I cared about. Made the money back a couple of times over at least since
It seems to have become the usual outcome nowadays. It certainly suits most women and, if the guy has a reasonably good job, he soon realises just how much it suits him to be 'free' of it all too.
olly22n said:
Robertj21a said:
ClaphamGT3 said:
To join the commonwealth of agreement, I had the same outcome; my wife got all the money and possessions, which always all she cared about and I got my life back, which was all I cared about. Made the money back a couple of times over at least since
It seems to have become the usual outcome nowadays. It certainly suits most women and, if the guy has a reasonably good job, he soon realises just how much it suits him to be 'free' of it all too.It may be ok-ish if the guy has a reasonably good job, but what about the others who don't, and are left penniless in a bedsit ?
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