Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
My wife and I agree on the most imported thing, that we never wanted children. Neither of us like children, have any patience for children or want to waste any of our time bringing up children. This is the glue that's held us together.
Of course, our children aren't too happy about it but we stand firm together.
Of course, our children aren't too happy about it but we stand firm together.
Robertj21a said:
The female of the species needs to reproduce - she needs a man to satisfy that need. Once she has had some children to nurture, paid for (usually) by the man, then there's little reason for her to stay in that relationship.
like the spider that eats her mate after she gets his swimmers N-TY4C said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I have had to accept that I am not easy to live with. That I work very hard in the week and just want to vegetate at the weekend .....which translates to boring, lazy and laying in bed on my iPad all day to the other half. I have to address this or my relationship WILL fall apart. If you (if one does not) don't change, your next relationship will end up going the same way. Someone once told me; "If you think I am a cow, maybe it's because you bring out the cow in me". This is true. Every relationship is a unique result of how two people respond to each other. I know for certain that when someone thinks I am amazing, I become a little bit more amazing to them......
but she alleviated the problem by sleeping with other men!!
TwigtheWonderkid said:
My wife and I agree on the most imported thing, that we never wanted children. Neither of us like children, have any patience for children or want to waste any of our time bringing up children. This is the glue that's held us together.
Of course, our children aren't too happy about it but we stand firm together.
Two oddballs in a society being the glue that holds you together - makes sense Of course, our children aren't too happy about it but we stand firm together.
N-TY4C said:
I agree, Tonker, the battle for your son you MUST win. But do reflect on what it must be like to be in a relationship with you. No one is perfect. IMHO relationships require emotional intellect not academic excellence. When a relationship falls apart, self analysis is key. "What could I have done better....... What can I do differently next time......." Look at your weaknesses not hers. She is history.
I have had to accept that I am not easy to live with. That I work very hard in the week and just want to vegetate at the weekend .....which translates to boring, lazy and laying in bed on my iPad all day to the other half. I have to address this or my relationship WILL fall apart. If you (if one does not) don't change, your next relationship will end up going the same way. Someone once told me; "If you think I am a cow, maybe it's because you bring out the cow in me". This is true. Every relationship is a unique result of how two people respond to each other. I know for certain that when someone thinks I am amazing, I become a little bit more amazing to them......
Ditto, no matter what or how the other party has been, it's the relationship that hasn't worked, I recognise that in my own marriages. What you brought to the table and asked for in your mate is far more important than what they did or didn't do. If you don't do that, then you haven't taken up the most valuable opportunity available from your failed marriage. I have had to accept that I am not easy to live with. That I work very hard in the week and just want to vegetate at the weekend .....which translates to boring, lazy and laying in bed on my iPad all day to the other half. I have to address this or my relationship WILL fall apart. If you (if one does not) don't change, your next relationship will end up going the same way. Someone once told me; "If you think I am a cow, maybe it's because you bring out the cow in me". This is true. Every relationship is a unique result of how two people respond to each other. I know for certain that when someone thinks I am amazing, I become a little bit more amazing to them......
Edited by oldbanger on Thursday 11th August 09:33
anonymous said:
[redacted]
wow, crazy stuff.Thought i had it bad when me and the wife were falling out but this is another level.
Tonker, let me know if i can help. I know a guy who is amazing. Got me and the wife flying again. Actually speaking of which let me see if she wants to go tomorrow.
GreatGranny said:
desolate said:
Surely it would be best to rent somewhere for yourself?
Maybe he thinks its worth staying there for the time being because it allows constant contact with his son.My friend's wife tried very hard to provoke him to hit her in order to be able to get him basically banned from the house. He didn't, but she went to the police and told them that he had anyway. Fortunately they (presumably) saw straight through her as no action at all was taken (maybe they get this a lot).
I really feel for you mate. As I say, I touched on this with a mate, but it wasn't as bad as you're experiencing.
I'm curious, is this an utter reversal of character from previous happy times (presumably there were some, given that you married her), or would you say these traits have always been there, just magnified.
With my friend, there was always a sense that it was all about the lifestyle with his wife, right from the beginning - not to mention an obvious dissatisfaction with him when he failed to provide (he appeared to have wealthy parents and I think she thought they would set them up. They weren't and they didn't).
Needless to say the new bloke is apparently better off, although I hear on the grapevine that he's not stumping up either - what a shame!
I'm curious, is this an utter reversal of character from previous happy times (presumably there were some, given that you married her), or would you say these traits have always been there, just magnified.
With my friend, there was always a sense that it was all about the lifestyle with his wife, right from the beginning - not to mention an obvious dissatisfaction with him when he failed to provide (he appeared to have wealthy parents and I think she thought they would set them up. They weren't and they didn't).
Needless to say the new bloke is apparently better off, although I hear on the grapevine that he's not stumping up either - what a shame!
Ari said:
My friend's wife tried very hard to provoke him to hit her in order to be able to get him basically banned from the house. He didn't, but she went to the police and told them that he had anyway. Fortunately they (presumably) saw straight through her as no action at all was taken (maybe they get this a lot).
Discussions with the policemen/women I know indicates this happens in many cases- numbers/percent’s not given through – annoyingly.I know someone who visited his soon to be ex-wife at the house where he used to live - with a little hidden pen camera (with mic) running merrily away. She called the police later and said he was threatening her, and she felt uneasy about him being anywhere near the house.
Later that evening - the police came round to his flat and were ready to read the riot act - he just said - "watch this officer". She is now known as an unreliable witness, and no further action would be taken.
As a parting shot she got rid of £5k worth of his Snap-On/Britool goodies and denies all knowledge of it. There were witnesses she’s done it as well. Why use a car boot sale 2 miles from where you live? How stupid….! Nothing can be done apparently…
Divorce belongs to the ruthless.
just ploughing through this reminds me of a tale of mad women in the last stages of marriage.
My brother in law went on a stag day/night. must have come home in a state, banging about. his first wife is not there in the morning, had gone to work.
thinks nothing of it. doesn't speak to her during the day- this is pre-mobile phone days.
so Dave thinks, right, I'll do something postive to redeem myself. I'll paint the outside of the house.
He is up a set of ladders, painting the fascia boards or something, when her car, an MG soft top to give it context, rolls onto the drive at speed.
doesn't slow.
She drives the ladders out from beneath him completely with her car.
parks the car and just goes in the house.
I'm pretty sure they were divorced soon after. Oh and although this is 30 years ago: not much has changed, she kept the farm.
My brother in law went on a stag day/night. must have come home in a state, banging about. his first wife is not there in the morning, had gone to work.
thinks nothing of it. doesn't speak to her during the day- this is pre-mobile phone days.
so Dave thinks, right, I'll do something postive to redeem myself. I'll paint the outside of the house.
He is up a set of ladders, painting the fascia boards or something, when her car, an MG soft top to give it context, rolls onto the drive at speed.
doesn't slow.
She drives the ladders out from beneath him completely with her car.
parks the car and just goes in the house.
I'm pretty sure they were divorced soon after. Oh and although this is 30 years ago: not much has changed, she kept the farm.
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