Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
I'm so sorry to hear this Tonker 
I'm seeing this with my colleague, he has an 18 yo, a 13 yo and a 12 yo, so his kids; whilst still living at home, are very much becoming more independent, his eldest is also at uni.
His wife very selfishly told his 13 yo daughter a few months ago that she didn't love him anymore; his daughter spent a week worrying and not sleeping until she told him.
Little things like he will get home from work and find out that they have all got a takeaway, but not one for him, his wife hasn't even told him they are getting one in, he will cook dinner and dish it all up, he'll finish up in the kitchen but they won't wait and he'll come to sit down and they have almost finished.
His wife will arrange to visit her family and not even tell him, the first he will find out about it is when one of the kids will mention that they are going away next weekend to visit XYZ.
She will arrange to go away by herself and won't even mention it until the week coming up, she will just announce that she is going out that evening or that weekend day; no consideration to what he is doing an if he will be in for the kids.
He is a bit of a doormat though, does all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, kids lunches, drops and collects them from clubs/friends etc, food shopping etc, all whilst working full time and some weekends, his wife is a teacher so has the weekends and holidays free to do stuff but she does nothing.
The way she lives her life it is as if he just doesn't exist, it's very sad and affects him greatly.
Contrast that with me, our kids are 23 and 17; eldest doesn't live at home and the youngest doesn't really figure as we don't have to take her into consideration when we go away or go out, she still eats with us and lives at home and we always let her know what we are doing but we don't have to involve her in what we do because she is independent.
We are embracing it and do loads together, it's great and we always know what each other is doing if not out together as we have respect for one another.
His wife very selfishly told his 13 yo daughter a few months ago that she didn't love him anymore; his daughter spent a week worrying and not sleeping until she told him.
Little things like he will get home from work and find out that they have all got a takeaway, but not one for him, his wife hasn't even told him they are getting one in, he will cook dinner and dish it all up, he'll finish up in the kitchen but they won't wait and he'll come to sit down and they have almost finished.
His wife will arrange to visit her family and not even tell him, the first he will find out about it is when one of the kids will mention that they are going away next weekend to visit XYZ.
She will arrange to go away by herself and won't even mention it until the week coming up, she will just announce that she is going out that evening or that weekend day; no consideration to what he is doing an if he will be in for the kids.
He is a bit of a doormat though, does all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, kids lunches, drops and collects them from clubs/friends etc, food shopping etc, all whilst working full time and some weekends, his wife is a teacher so has the weekends and holidays free to do stuff but she does nothing.
The way she lives her life it is as if he just doesn't exist, it's very sad and affects him greatly.
Contrast that with me, our kids are 23 and 17; eldest doesn't live at home and the youngest doesn't really figure as we don't have to take her into consideration when we go away or go out, she still eats with us and lives at home and we always let her know what we are doing but we don't have to involve her in what we do because she is independent.
We are embracing it and do loads together, it's great and we always know what each other is doing if not out together as we have respect for one another.
Edited by HTP99 on Saturday 6th August 11:03
desolate said:
Nickbrapp said:
Women are evil b
hes
all of them, some of them or most of them?hesStill want to spend the rest of your life with them?
In fact I suspect that the rise in Gay men globally is a direct result of Womens inbuilt craziness making men realise it's just not worth it! (Post woosh parrot accordingly
)Ari said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Robertj21a said:
The female of the species needs to reproduce - she needs a man to satisfy that need. Once she has had some children to nurture, paid for (usually) by the man, then there's little reason for her to stay in that relationship.
So there we have it, the entire character of 3.5 billion people summed up in 2 sentences.
Slagathore said:
There's all sorts of psychological and evolutionary theories around this, and they mostly conclude the same things. Just Google 'evolutionary theory of mate selection'. There's plenty out there.
Just as most men have evolved beyond the 'sow your seed wherever you can' instinct, so most women have evolved beyond what you describe.In this thread there are some extreme cases. They are absolutely not the norm.
zarjaz1991 said:
Slagathore said:
There's all sorts of psychological and evolutionary theories around this, and they mostly conclude the same things. Just Google 'evolutionary theory of mate selection'. There's plenty out there.
Just as most men have evolved beyond the 'sow your seed wherever you can' instinct, so most women have evolved beyond what you describe.In this thread there are some extreme cases. They are absolutely not the norm.
You mostly see one side on here, as it's a male dominated site. It's probably the same sentiment, but opposite side on somewhere like Mumsnet, or whatever the site is.
People are, obviously, all different, the basic needs are the same. I'm not agreeing with the "all women are mental" side, although, from experience, most are. What I'm saying is that they are generally looking for the same thing in a long term partner or someone they have children with.
So once they've had children, and the children have grown up, it's not an outrageous claim to say they've fulfilled that goal and now want to pursue something or someone else. Same for men. Again, this isn't all aimed at the women's behaviour. Men's behaviour cause just as many divorces, I'm sure.
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