Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
berlintaxi said:
singlecoil said:
Any bloke who likes sex and hasn't had a vasectomy is at putting himself at risk of ending up like many of the posters on this thread. Whether that happens or not is down to luck. I've been very lucky, and I had a vasectomy too.
My sympathies to people who find themselves in one of these awful situations. People planning to get married and/or have children should be made to read this thread, then at least they won't be able to say they weren't warned.
Early contender for moron of the week award.My sympathies to people who find themselves in one of these awful situations. People planning to get married and/or have children should be made to read this thread, then at least they won't be able to say they weren't warned.
And if it does all go wrong, she might try and take you for every penny she can. And if she does, it seems the courts are likely to side with her.
That's the risk you take.
jshell said:
I used to be friends with a divorce lawyer. Drunkenly, he explained one night that he keeps the process going in any way that he can in order to maximise his fees.
I used to be friends with a...
Was just that reason you're no longer friends with them? yes their actions are morally questionable but to end a friendship over that? seems a bit heavy handed.I used to be friends with a...
ZOLLAR said:
Was just that reason you're no longer friends with them? yes their actions are morally questionable but to end a friendship over that? seems a bit heavy handed.
Dragging out divorce proceedings in order to extort the maximum cash from two people in a vulnerable and financially precarious position (their own client - to whom they owe a duty of care - being one of them) for personal gain is rather more than 'morally questionable' surely!? 
ZOLLAR said:
jshell said:
I used to be friends with a divorce lawyer. Drunkenly, he explained one night that he keeps the process going in any way that he can in order to maximise his fees.
I used to be friends with a...
Was just that reason you're no longer friends with them? yes their actions are morally questionable but to end a friendship over that? seems a bit heavy handed.I used to be friends with a...
Ari said:
ZOLLAR said:
Was just that reason you're no longer friends with them? yes their actions are morally questionable but to end a friendship over that? seems a bit heavy handed.
Dragging out divorce proceedings in order to extort the maximum cash from two people in a vulnerable and financially precarious position (their own client - to whom they owe a duty of care - being one of them) for personal gain is rather more than 'morally questionable' surely!? 
, is that sufficient to end a friendship? For me it wouldn't be, I'd give them grief and tell them I didn't agree with their actions but to end a friendship seems a bit strong.
PAUL500 said:
Many terrible things.
Really sorry to read this. Hope things move on for you.
jshell said:
I used to be friends with a divorce lawyer. Drunkenly, he explained one night that he keeps the process going in any way that he can in order to maximise his fees.
I don't doubt that for a second.A quick amicable resolution is simply not in their benefit.
I wonder how much of the nastiness/greed displayed by the women is in part owing to lawyer exploiting an already vulnerable situation.
Rude-boy said:
ZOLLAR said:
jshell said:
I used to be friends with a divorce lawyer. Drunkenly, he explained one night that he keeps the process going in any way that he can in order to maximise his fees.
I used to be friends with a...
Was just that reason you're no longer friends with them? yes their actions are morally questionable but to end a friendship over that? seems a bit heavy handed.I used to be friends with a...
s. When I was young, perhaps I would keep company with cool and interesting people, but ones who had things I didn't like about them. I'm older now and am waaaay more selective.I appreciate the feedback, but did not post for any sympathy, I made choices many years ago without realising the potential outcomes that's all, no one forced me down that road.
Yes in large numbers of cases, marriages can be full of joy as can having children, just make sure you go into it with your eyes wide open is the advice I was hoping would be conveyed.
I have a number of divorced female friends who have children, they are wonderful ladies who have also gone through hell with divorce, it's not one sided, but it does bring out the nasty side in a certain type of women, who appear normal but divorce makes them vindictive, spiteful and full of entitlement, which I rarely see in normal blokes in divorce.
The rub with my daughters is that my ex could not have children, I was fine with that but she wanted to be a mother so I agreed to adopt to fulfil her need.
She then used those poor girls to get what she wanted in court and is now trying to offload initially the eldest but I am pretty sure once my youngest is the same age the same thing will happen.
The ex will then simply swan off into the sunset with more than double the assets I was granted, even though everything we possessed was purchased 50/50.
I just cannot fathom why my ex even now thinks the judge gave her the extra 20% and the redundancy cash because he simply thought she was entitled to it, and not because she promised to home my daughters until adulthood, and that now she won't honour that promise she is still adamant she won't return a penny to me so that I can home the daughter she is rejecting instead. which will result in her going into care.
Yes in large numbers of cases, marriages can be full of joy as can having children, just make sure you go into it with your eyes wide open is the advice I was hoping would be conveyed.
I have a number of divorced female friends who have children, they are wonderful ladies who have also gone through hell with divorce, it's not one sided, but it does bring out the nasty side in a certain type of women, who appear normal but divorce makes them vindictive, spiteful and full of entitlement, which I rarely see in normal blokes in divorce.
The rub with my daughters is that my ex could not have children, I was fine with that but she wanted to be a mother so I agreed to adopt to fulfil her need.
She then used those poor girls to get what she wanted in court and is now trying to offload initially the eldest but I am pretty sure once my youngest is the same age the same thing will happen.
The ex will then simply swan off into the sunset with more than double the assets I was granted, even though everything we possessed was purchased 50/50.
I just cannot fathom why my ex even now thinks the judge gave her the extra 20% and the redundancy cash because he simply thought she was entitled to it, and not because she promised to home my daughters until adulthood, and that now she won't honour that promise she is still adamant she won't return a penny to me so that I can home the daughter she is rejecting instead. which will result in her going into care.
Cotty said:
klmhcp said:
I'm pleased you've had a vasectomy however, yet cannot understand why you felt the need to share the news with us. FYI my children are the biggest joy in my life and one that you will never, ever understand or have and so you cannot comment on it.
Ahh the old "you don't have kids so you can't have an opinion about them" line. I can't sing or play an instrument but I can tell if a band can knock out a good tune. Also, you fail to see that people with children have an informed opinion as they've been on both sides of the coin. Your 'opinion' is uninformed and therefore pure conjecture so worthless I'm afraid. I know you think you know how you'd feel but you actually can't as any father can confirm. Soz!
klmhcp said:
Also, you fail to see that people with children have an informed opinion as they've been on both sides of the coin. Your 'opinion' is uninformed and therefore pure conjecture so worthless I'm afraid. I know you think you know how you'd feel but you actually can't as any father can confirm. Soz!
Most of the people who have children were already amenable to the idea of having them before they had them. Similarly most of the people who ride motorbikes already wanted to do so before they did so.So the opinion of people who have children because they chose to have them is, I'm afraid, worthless
PAUL500 said:
Stuff
Paul I can empathise considerably as I'm going through hell at the moment too. My wife ran off with a long term affair partner 6 months ago - my own personal relationship 'car crash' thread here is recorded for posterity here --> http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...I can't imagine the prospect of a child being taken into care - I'm sorry if I've missed the blindingly obvious - but can you prevent this by offering to accomodate and care for her?
I always thought I could split with my ex confident in the sense that no matter what came between us personally, she was inherently a good mother and child welfare would not be an overriding concern. What I never anticipated was her entering a state of sheer infatuation with a new lover who takes precendence over everything including the well-being of our children. It was one thing to break my family (and his - also married with kids) but now she is doing anything and everything to manipulate the situation to ensure she can maximise entitlement to benefits and maintenance whilst disguising her new partner's income to ensure his liabilies are minimised, and enjoying child-free schooldays and weekends by exploiting the fact that I will care for my own kids at any opportunity.
At worst so far, I have had a 'misguided' allegation of child sexual abuse to social services, and as of this morning my autistic twelve year old has been dosed up on anti-depressants on the whim of the ex who declared to the doctor that she is 'anxious' about having to switch between the two homes.
My stepson, her son, turned 16 and moved straight back in with me which I believe says something too. Fortunately I kept the family home as it was rented.
I applied for an order in the family court a few weeks ago and am awaiting a first hearing. My heart goes out to you and others in similar situations.
Edited by theboss on Monday 10th October 18:59
PAUL500 said:
I have a number of divorced female friends who have children, they are wonderful ladies who have also gone through hell with divorce, it's not one sided, but it does bring out the nasty side in a certain type of women, who appear normal but divorce makes them vindictive, spiteful and full of entitlement, which I rarely see in normal blokes in divorce.
I think that's the key. Yes, there are some dreadful blokes out there, as many as there are women perhaps, maybe more. The difference, from what I've seen, is that nasty blokes tend just be nasty blokes. Women find them 'charmers' or 'dangerous' or 'exciting', or maybe they think they can change them or maybe they think he's better than nothing. But they normally have pretty big clues as to what they're getting into, even if they do often seem to ignore the signs.SOME women, on the other hand, are extremely good at working out what a bloke wants from them and being it long enough to get themselves into the position they want - married, pregnant, whatever. Then, and only then, is the time you see the woman behind the mask.
I stress again SOME. But I do believe there's an extra layer of manipulation that SOME women seem to have that men don't. Maybe they're just smarter.
I remember listening to a marriage guidance counsellor being interviewed once. She said that in 80% of cases of infidelity, it was the male that strayed. Therefore, that proved that men were far more prone to it. I thought 'b
ks, women are just much much better at not getting caught'. desolate said:
Why can't we just agree that some women are s, some blokes are s, some kids are a nightmare and some are life changing bundles of joy?
The thing that winds up both sides is when blanket statements are made.
I appreciate some people have had a terrible time, but not all women are tts.
Absolutely agree. I know some very pleasant women with lovely personalities. One or two of them even speak to me.s, some blokes are s, some kids are a nightmare and some are life changing bundles of joy?The thing that winds up both sides is when blanket statements are made.
I appreciate some people have had a terrible time, but not all women are t
ts.zarjaz1991 said:
desolate said:
Why can't we just agree that some women are s, some blokes are s, some kids are a nightmare and some are life changing bundles of joy?
The thing that winds up both sides is when blanket statements are made.
I appreciate some people have had a terrible time, but not all women are tts.
Absolutely agree. I know some very pleasant women with lovely personalities. One or two of them even speak to me.s, some blokes are s, some kids are a nightmare and some are life changing bundles of joy?The thing that winds up both sides is when blanket statements are made.
I appreciate some people have had a terrible time, but not all women are t
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