Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
MG CHRIS said:
singlecoil said:
johnwilliams77 said:
moleamol said:
This is probably a foreign concept to many PHers but maybe they actually love their soon to be wife and want to make them happy. I know that sounds wacky on a forum where most would rather keep their partner in a vivarium but some of us actually like them.
They love their wife but wish their soon to be wifes would be happy getting married on a beach somewhere instead of forking out 20-30k to pay for few hundred people to eat lots and get drunk.And the more people to be impressed at how bad her friends the bridesmaids look in the ghastly dresses she has chosen for them.
Its one thing I will never accept is to get married I rather be on my own and single over married then divorced and then screwed over.
on a nice note, beat this for a wedding.
A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
I will say with regard to expensive fancy weddings: being a Yorkshireman, I always think, well very nice, but if you live in a grotty flat/house: why not sort out somewhere nice to live as oppose to blowing 20/30K ?
A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
I will say with regard to expensive fancy weddings: being a Yorkshireman, I always think, well very nice, but if you live in a grotty flat/house: why not sort out somewhere nice to live as oppose to blowing 20/30K ?
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Take care that you stay calm,i had all the "aggressive behaviour" nonsense chucked at me,it is easily believed by the courts and cafcas, Keep a diary and any other evidence you can gather. I used to use text messaging as a way of communicating with my ex,It stopped you biting back and you had a record of it. Take care best wishes
austinsmirk said:
on a nice note, beat this for a wedding.
A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
I will say with regard to expensive fancy weddings: being a Yorkshireman, I always think, well very nice, but if you live in a grotty flat/house: why not sort out somewhere nice to live as oppose to blowing 20/30K ?
Isn't that a similar approach to how the navy used to recruit unwitting sailors?A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
I will say with regard to expensive fancy weddings: being a Yorkshireman, I always think, well very nice, but if you live in a grotty flat/house: why not sort out somewhere nice to live as oppose to blowing 20/30K ?
anonymous said:
[redacted]
They don't need a reason, my ex used to tell me when we disagreed on the phone to listen for a second then proceeded to call the police saying I was making threats against her while I listened on the mobile. She used to call the police saying I forced myself in her house when I arrived to pick up my daughter even though I stayed in the car.None of it ever happened but who do they believe?
Handily after a year of her calling the police she has enough ammo to apply for a non molestation order, I've done jack s
t to the woman!anonymous said:
[redacted]
A tactic i use, is too simply intentionally yawn and over exaggerate as much as possible. They soon realize I am not interested and usually stop moaning and shouting. Works with blokes as well. Had a number of escalation points were i knew things were getting out of hand and i just yawned. Things quickly get defused from there.Hope this helps, are you taking your son to rugby with his new boots?
Tonker is your wife actually mentally ok? (posted before read whole thread)
She sounds not right in the head, excuse the question, but did she just go unreasonable overnight?
I used to read these threads and think how stable my misses was...then she changed and started being unreasonable and a bit nuts. Some of the arguments I read on here resonated with me and she went mental at me over the slightest thing. Anyway following a blood test for something else the GP noticed an unusual blood count and found some of her Iron and thyroid levels were really low and also she has been diagnosed with an untreatable autoimmune disease. Following the tests and treatment she is back to her old self (well nearly) and accepts she is nuts at time, the consultant actually warns me of unreasonable behaviour.
I do actually feel for you, reading through your posts I've been there myself, your lip must be well and truly bitten off
She sounds not right in the head, excuse the question, but did she just go unreasonable overnight?
I used to read these threads and think how stable my misses was...then she changed and started being unreasonable and a bit nuts. Some of the arguments I read on here resonated with me and she went mental at me over the slightest thing. Anyway following a blood test for something else the GP noticed an unusual blood count and found some of her Iron and thyroid levels were really low and also she has been diagnosed with an untreatable autoimmune disease. Following the tests and treatment she is back to her old self (well nearly) and accepts she is nuts at time, the consultant actually warns me of unreasonable behaviour.
I do actually feel for you, reading through your posts I've been there myself, your lip must be well and truly bitten off
anonymous said:
[redacted]
TonkerIf you wish to diffuse this, then it's worth watching your tone of voice and body language. Highly aroused people (as in anxious, angry etc.) cannot process the verbal element quickly and so they latch onto non-verbal signals like tone, gestures and posture to discern content and meaning of communication. Because they can't think flexibly they then can't easily revise that judgement once the brain processes what you actually said (or did) and they get stuck with their snap misjudgement or over-reaction.
I am going to reiterate that improving conflict resolution/negotiation skills could be really useful here. It's not about rolling over and letting her win, or about treading on eggshells to make sure you don't set her off. It's about finding a way to assert yourself that may lead to a workable solution between the two of you, and also about turning this horrible experience into an opportunity to hone skills that will make you an even better professionally than you already are. Where is the loss in that?
austinsmirk said:
on a nice note, beat this for a wedding.
A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
Isn't that technically a shotgun wedding? A very dear friend of mine turned 40. His wife blindfolded him and put him in the car, said she had a treat for him.
the car set off and he said, even though blindfolded, you could feel which way you were going, could gauge traffic lights etc.
He got very excited- he could tell they were heading to the Kawasaki centre- he thought Hooray, she's bought me a new bike for my birthday !!
the car however pulled up outside the registry office ( a few yards away! ) where family and friends were waiting outside.
so they got married
He was quite happy with this !
oldbanger said:
Tonker
If you wish to diffuse this, then it's worth watching your tone of voice and body language. Highly aroused people (as in anxious, angry etc.) cannot process the verbal element quickly and so they latch onto non-verbal signals like tone, gestures and posture to discern content and meaning of communication. Because they can't think flexibly they then can't easily revise that judgement once the brain processes what you actually said (or did) and they get stuck with their snap misjudgement or over-reaction.
I am going to reiterate that improving conflict resolution/negotiation skills could be really useful here. It's not about rolling over and letting her win, or about treading on eggshells to make sure you don't set her off. It's about finding a way to assert yourself that may lead to a workable solution between the two of you, and also about turning this horrible experience into an opportunity to hone skills that will make you an even better professionally than you already are. Where is the loss in that?
That all rings very true.If you wish to diffuse this, then it's worth watching your tone of voice and body language. Highly aroused people (as in anxious, angry etc.) cannot process the verbal element quickly and so they latch onto non-verbal signals like tone, gestures and posture to discern content and meaning of communication. Because they can't think flexibly they then can't easily revise that judgement once the brain processes what you actually said (or did) and they get stuck with their snap misjudgement or over-reaction.
I am going to reiterate that improving conflict resolution/negotiation skills could be really useful here. It's not about rolling over and letting her win, or about treading on eggshells to make sure you don't set her off. It's about finding a way to assert yourself that may lead to a workable solution between the two of you, and also about turning this horrible experience into an opportunity to hone skills that will make you an even better professionally than you already are. Where is the loss in that?
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