Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
yajeed said:
Piersman2 said:
I did when I was going through it, and made it clear to the ex that she had better come to a reasonable settlement and get something, than be unreasonable and potentially get nothing.
It's a common threat. I'm not sure it's a recommended approach though, and would create a legal mess for you if it got to court. anonymous said:
[redacted]
Hmmm... yes I can see you are maybe a bit too far into it now to try it. But... she's not having much joy with her lawyers, and you don't sound too much better off with yours. Why not both look into what collaborative family laywers are about and how they work, and see if there are any local to you as I'm not even sure it's a standard nationawide service. The lawyer I had on my side said she would not do 'normal' family lawyering anymore and only dealt with collaborative divorces, there was a network of them locally and each side would select a lawyer and sort things out. It still cost about £4k each, but probably saved 10 times that going the 'normal' route.Tonker, you're proposed child contact arrangement sound way to complicated. I appreciate you've ended up with it like that to try and appease/compromise with her, but the lad won't know whether he's coming or going, and neither will she most of the time either. I'd be tempted to propose straight 50/50 split, and if she won't agree to that tell her you'll argue for majority care. If you can demonstrate that you've already been doing that (I'm sure you have a diary/records to 'prove' it), and that you work less hours than her, you should have a reasonable case.
From what I've heard, a court would generally use your 'earning potential' as a figure when considering a judgement.
Mind you (and if there are children involved), if they did, you could go to the CSA a year later and ask them to recalculate based on their formula and you'd effectively pay nothing.
Personally, I'd prefer to continue working and if I end up paying more in support of a child, then so be it.Bloke I know has been going through divorce proceedings for the last 5 years or so (not his fault, his missus left him and started, then she has caused every delay possible, but generally just ignoring things and failing to respond). Anyway, he got made redundant from his niche, professional, well paid job a couple of years into divorce. So not his fault at all, and due to his location (previous employer let him work from home, but realistically he'd have to build up trust before a new one would let him), makes it difficult to get another comparable job. He's in his early 50's, been out of work for a good couple of years, and jobs openings in his field are quite rare (almost non existent outside of London, which is nearly 300 miles away), so his career prospects aren't great. He had plenty of savings and a very large pension pot, so his intention was to just stick it out and live on a shoestring until reaching 55. She's likely to get half his pension pot from the divorce, so that's scuppered his retirement plans, and it sounds like a very financially inefficient way to handle things.
In the meantime, he's continued to pay the agreed £1000 per month maintenance (out of his savings) to keep his ex happy. He's now being advised that him being out of work will look bad in front of the judge, so I'm sure if you deliberately jacked in work, you'd be in for a good reaming in the financial settlement. In hindsight I think he realises that he should probably have sought out any old unskilled job, just to show willing.
yajeed said:
desolate said:
As a general point do any of those going through such a divorce ever think 'f
k it' and just jack work in?
I haven't been divorced but when I think about it on when reading threads like this I just can't help but think I would down tools completely.
If you do that, expressly for the purpose of avoiding payment, then I suspect you wouldn't do too well. k it' and just jack work in?I haven't been divorced but when I think about it on when reading threads like this I just can't help but think I would down tools completely.
From what I've heard, a court would generally use your 'earning potential' as a figure when considering a judgement.
Mind you (and if there are children involved), if they did, you could go to the CSA a year later and ask them to recalculate based on their formula and you'd effectively pay nothing.
Personally, I'd prefer to continue working and if I end up paying more in support of a child, then so be it.
In the meantime, he's continued to pay the agreed £1000 per month maintenance (out of his savings) to keep his ex happy. He's now being advised that him being out of work will look bad in front of the judge, so I'm sure if you deliberately jacked in work, you'd be in for a good reaming in the financial settlement. In hindsight I think he realises that he should probably have sought out any old unskilled job, just to show willing.
mjb1 said:
Bloke I know has been going through divorce proceedings for the last 5 years or so (not his fault, his missus left him and started, then she has caused every delay possible, but generally just ignoring things and failing to respond). Anyway, he got made redundant from his niche, professional, well paid job a couple of years into divorce. So not his fault at all, and due to his location (previous employer let him work from home, but realistically he'd have to build up trust before a new one would let him), makes it difficult to get another comparable job. He's in his early 50's, been out of work for a good couple of years, and jobs openings in his field are quite rare (almost non existent outside of London, which is nearly 300 miles away), so his career prospects aren't great. He had plenty of savings and a very large pension pot, so his intention was to just stick it out and live on a shoestring until reaching 55. She's likely to get half his pension pot from the divorce, so that's scuppered his retirement plans, and it sounds like a very financially inefficient way to handle things.
In the meantime, he's continued to pay the agreed £1000 per month maintenance (out of his savings) to keep his ex happy. He's now being advised that him being out of work will look bad in front of the judge, so I'm sure if you deliberately jacked in work, you'd be in for a good reaming in the financial settlement. In hindsight I think he realises that he should probably have sought out any old unskilled job, just to show willing.
I suppose I am putting my personal situation on others.In the meantime, he's continued to pay the agreed £1000 per month maintenance (out of his savings) to keep his ex happy. He's now being advised that him being out of work will look bad in front of the judge, so I'm sure if you deliberately jacked in work, you'd be in for a good reaming in the financial settlement. In hindsight I think he realises that he should probably have sought out any old unskilled job, just to show willing.
I would happily walk away from the house and other assets or a lump for lost opportunity but wouldnt want to be paying anything other than kids expenses I would rather not bother.
Have fancied being a student again for ages.
olly22n said:
In all seriousness, its not all about the money. Its about be able to make your own life decisions. I can do whatever the fk I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.
That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
I agree.k I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
I have never had my own house so it's not something I can comment on from experience.
olly22n said:
In all seriousness, its not all about the money. Its about be able to make your own life decisions. I can do whatever the fk I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.
That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
Crazy idea, but you could just find a woman who is self sufficient, happpy, supportive and sane. k I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
I'd love to know what some of the crazies described in this thread look like. I suspect they're gorgeous though...
olly22n said:
And then girls wonder why we won't commit and get married.
Stories like this don't help "Court orders man to increase payments to wife who lost bulk of divorce settlement with 'poor financial decisions'" So 15 years after they are divorced she is still tapping him for money. Does he have to support her for the rest of her life?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/02/06/court-o...
Ari said:
olly22n said:
In all seriousness, its not all about the money. Its about be able to make your own life decisions. I can do whatever the fk I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.
That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
Crazy idea, but you could just find a woman who is self sufficient, happpy, supportive and sane. k I chose in my house, paint the walls what colour I want, and watch the TV that I want to. There's is no one bickering in my ear, or stopping me.That above, is what stops me from committing to anyone else, rather than the thought of losing my possessions again.
I'd love to know what some of the crazies described in this thread look like. I suspect they're gorgeous though...
Cotty said:
olly22n said:
And then girls wonder why we won't commit and get married.
Stories like this don't help "Court orders man to increase payments to wife who lost bulk of divorce settlement with 'poor financial decisions'" So 15 years after they are divorced she is still tapping him for money. Does he have to support her for the rest of her life?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/02/06/court-o...
article said:
she is "unable to meet her basic needs"
article said:
She now works two days a week as a beauty therapist, the court heard.
And he wouldn't be able to meet his basic needs if he only worked 2 fking days per week either! 
Robertj21a said:
You don't think that many women (and men) change over time ?
Isn't this one of the basic conundrums of male female relationships? As some wise man once said, "Men marry women hoping that they won't change, but they do, while women marry men hoping that they will change, but they don't!"One of the things that surprised me when I looked at my ongoing marital meltdown was to realise that after 24 years together, our shared interests in life are essentially our kids. We are not interested in each others' hobbies, and our likes and dislikes have become increasingly diametrically opposed. So WTF are we doing together?! Were we ever actually compatible as a through life prospect?
My criteria for any future relationships will be radically different!
YankeePorker said:
Robertj21a said:
You don't think that many women (and men) change over time ?
Isn't this one of the basic conundrums of male female relationships? As some wise man once said, "Men marry women hoping that they won't change, but they do, while women marry men hoping that they will change, but they don't!"One of the things that surprised me when I looked at my ongoing marital meltdown was to realise that after 24 years together, our shared interests in life are essentially our kids. We are not interested in each others' hobbies, and our likes and dislikes have become increasingly diametrically opposed. So WTF are we doing together?! Were we ever actually compatible as a through life prospect?
My criteria for any future relationships will be radically different!
It really isn't a great surprise that so many people end up avoiding any further relationships.
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