Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
anonymous said:
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Obviously what you are going through is awful, however being pragmatic, where do you see yourself in a years time and how do you think you can best get there?Leaving sanitary products around, reversing over crash helmets and calling the cops aren't things that are going to help her cause.
So, realistically have you had that cards on the table conversation?
The bottom line is we want you on match.com fast so we can witness the teacher in action :-)
Thankyou4calling said:
Obviously what you are going through is awful, however being pragmatic, where do you see yourself in a years time and how do you think you can best get there?
Leaving sanitary products around, reversing over crash helmets and calling the cops aren't things that are going to help her cause.
So, realistically have you had that cards on the table conversation?
The bottom line is we want you on match.com fast so we can witness the teacher in action :-)
While i totally get that thought (its how i work mostly, will this help me get where i want to be?), but if someone is running over crash helmets and leaving used STs on the floor, im not sure reason is gonna help..Leaving sanitary products around, reversing over crash helmets and calling the cops aren't things that are going to help her cause.
So, realistically have you had that cards on the table conversation?
The bottom line is we want you on match.com fast so we can witness the teacher in action :-)
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Sound like you're both in a pickle. Must be horrible for you both. Obviously in times of separation/divorce there has to be some form of downsizing, much as it's painful. You have obviously provided well, financially and she dreads the idea of losing the marital home. All I can say is good luck to you both.
anonymous said:
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Sounds like she's not well to me and maybe needs some help. Personal hygiene, fits of destructive rage, inability to behave in public, massive mood swings, lack of understanding of her her affects on others and unreasonable behaviour in order to get a reaction all smack of mental instability."in sickness and health, for better or worse" That's what you signed up for.
Normal, level headed rational, mentally stable blokes tend to struggle with a partner who's loosing the plot more than any others. The more level headed the "sane" one is the greater the swing of the other.
Don't get me wrong. There's some bloody unreasonable women out there (and men) that deserve to spend the rest of their days alone in a bed sit. It's always worth standing back for a while though and giving it one last proper shot before you throw in the towel. It's not a 5 minute fix though and you will keep needing to see past the person you're living with today and remind yourself of that lovely sexy thing you married in the first place. They're usually in there somewhere.
The kids bit changes us. Years of routine, being sensible, always putting others before ourselves, being all grown up, all of the time. Rewarding but boring. I see loads of it in our peer group. Especially the women. They either go incredibly boring forgetting how to have fun, let their hair down or go bat s
t crazy. The blokes just go out and buy a sports car. Either are capable of shagging the secretary or the personal trainer. It was tough for us. It got very low for a while but it is slowly getting better and the good days are now considerably outnumbering the bad. We're learning how to have fun again together.
It does get better Tonker, my delightful ex didn't get a rise out of me with many of her "advice driven" antics including that I had beaten her up which was pretty impressive as I was in Amsterdam, giving a talk to 600 people at the time, turns out her mate gave her a good shoeing with the hope that I would get done for it.
She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
Vandenberg said:
It does get better Tonker, my delightful ex didn't get a rise out of me with many of her "advice driven" antics including that I had beaten her up which was pretty impressive as I was in Amsterdam, giving a talk to 600 people at the time, turns out her mate gave her a good shoeing with the hope that I would get done for it.
She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
Wow!!She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
My colleague, who I mentioned a page or so back; his wife's sisters have all said that she is turning into her mother, who by all accounts was fine but as she got older she just turned into a complete and utter b
h.I guess a lot goes on with women; the change seems to affect them greatly.
Vandenberg said:
She eventually found something that did hurt me, she took my dog to the vet claiming it had bitten a child and had him PTS.
Blimey. can't decide whether she should spend the rest of her days alone in a bed sit or put in a straight jacket. That is one step too far though.anonymous said:
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I get where you are coming from, i dont think my ex is a bad person either, and we also have kids in the mix, which obviously makes me more lenient towards her. On the other end, we've both acknowledged we make each other miserable. She slept over for a night a month back because of moving etc.. and just having her in the same house and going to the shop together was such a hit to my mood... It was a valuable reminder of why we split in the first place.anonymous said:
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Bloody hell, What does she even need that for? i live in a 2 bed, 1 bath (but big ass garage) row house and think that is already massively more then i would really need to be happy. Hell, i was looking at 2 bed apartments... I know change sucks... but having your own little place... why does anyone need that many bedrooms for one self and a kid?Harry H said:
Blimey. can't decide whether she should spend the rest of her days alone in a bed sit or put in a straight jacket. That is one step too far though.
She also set an outlaw biker gang on me, but her manipulation backfired and instead of enjoying hospital food for being a wife beater I had the best weekend ever involving excessive amounts of everything including a biker chick who was a Daily Star model.All in, it was 18months of hell to end a 12 yr old relationship
After breaking up with my ex while I was away in January (easy split as we had our own houses) I'm now actively looking again but struggling to find anyone that isnt a dick.
After spending the weekend fitting a roll cage in my racecar and then reading this thread I do just wonder, why bother.
After spending the weekend fitting a roll cage in my racecar and then reading this thread I do just wonder, why bother.
Zoobeef said:
After breaking up with my ex while I was away in January (easy split as we had our own houses) I'm now actively looking again but struggling to find anyone that isnt a dick.
After spending the weekend fitting a roll cage in my racecar and then reading this thread I do just wonder, why bother.
That is where i am right now, sure i sometimes i do miss having someone around at home to talk to, and not getting any isnt exactly ideal (although a relationship proved to be no guarantee for that either....), but every time i consider the possibility of dating or some such, i just think "fAfter spending the weekend fitting a roll cage in my racecar and then reading this thread I do just wonder, why bother.
k it, more trouble then its worth" and go back to obsessing over cars, computers and lego.Sheepshanks said:
oldbanger said:
In the run up to our split he did things like burn holes in my living room carpet with a welding torch.
My wife just asked if he did that on purpose?I laughed at first, but re-reading it I'm not sure - my FIL would probably think welding in the living room was OK!
Edited by Sheepshanks on Monday 8th August 10:15
I do think perhaps couples shouldn't go into marriage thinking it is 'forever' couples usually ( but not always ) marry because they figure it's time for a family and marriage is seen as offering a scaffold for that, once the family is raised is it really such a bad thing if the couple then amicably dissolve that partnerhip and have a kid of second singledom.
Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
Timmy40 said:
Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
I imagine many more people would do it if they were financially able. Most empty-nesters are probably just waiting to hear when they're going to be forced out of work.Sheepshanks said:
Timmy40 said:
Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
I imagine many more people would do it if they were financially able. Most empty-nesters are probably just waiting to hear when they're going to be forced out of work.We're both quite 'independant people' and she has different interests. In her case the arts/culture and in my case experiencing as much deviance and debauchery as my limited time on this planet ( and my liver/health ) allows.
Timmy40 said:
I do think perhaps couples shouldn't go into marriage thinking it is 'forever' couples usually ( but not always ) marry because they figure it's time for a family and marriage is seen as offering a scaffold for that, once the family is raised is it really such a bad thing if the couple then amicably dissolve that partnerhip and have a kid of second singledom.
Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
It's a very sensible post and I agree with it; however the typical unfairness of the financial side of things is what will make most people bitter.Provided it's dome amicably I think it can be a positive thing, and not necissarily be that damaging to grown up kids etc.
Not many handshake, and split things 50/50 divorces I imagine.
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