Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
YankeePorker said:
Robertj21a said:
You don't think that many women (and men) change over time ?
Isn't this one of the basic conundrums of male female relationships? As some wise man once said, "Men marry women hoping that they won't change, but they do, while women marry men hoping that they will change, but they don't!"One of the things that surprised me when I looked at my ongoing marital meltdown was to realise that after 24 years together, our shared interests in life are essentially our kids. We are not interested in each others' hobbies, and our likes and dislikes have become increasingly diametrically opposed. So WTF are we doing together?! Were we ever actually compatible as a through life prospect?
My criteria for any future relationships will be radically different!
I can recall the early years when things were done together but it's not been like that for so long, you then wonder how much was her tolerating football, music etc thinking things would change (not a chance).
Tonker, hope things sort themselves out for you, having the lad in the middle of this must be terrible, it was bad enough for me with a dog stuck in the relationship!
exelero said:
My girlfriend says that she wants to live with me forever and get engaged and married and bla bla. Reading this thread put me off from both of them. f
k that!
Do you think she wants to put the hand and leg irons on you and send you out to the plantation all day while she gives up work and goes out for coffee with her friends?k that!What is her dating history like? Did she tell you she had to date lots of bad boys before realising what she really wanted was a nice guy? Did this tie in with her reaching 32/33?
If so run!
From my experience I would say run anyway but apparently I am bitter and twisted.
She sounds like a total waste of space but she can't always have been like this or you wouldn't have married her.
I have a couple of friends whose ex wives constantly use their kids as weapons so I'd hazard a guess that this is something you are going to have to deal with even after a divorce is all sorted and access terms supposedly agreed.
How my friends ex hasn't been jailed for contempt of court yet I don't know (she has been threatened several times but nothing ever comes of it).
She's been a nightmare, changing their daughter's school without telling him, not being where she is supposed to be for handovers etc. She also told him on December 20th that she was taking the kids to America for Christmas and New Year despite them having previously agreed shared time. As you can imagine telling an 8 year old and a 6 year old they can't now go to Disney World is a non starter so his hands were tied.
It's constantly like this and has been for years. No idea how he has kept his sanity.
I have a couple of friends whose ex wives constantly use their kids as weapons so I'd hazard a guess that this is something you are going to have to deal with even after a divorce is all sorted and access terms supposedly agreed.
How my friends ex hasn't been jailed for contempt of court yet I don't know (she has been threatened several times but nothing ever comes of it).
She's been a nightmare, changing their daughter's school without telling him, not being where she is supposed to be for handovers etc. She also told him on December 20th that she was taking the kids to America for Christmas and New Year despite them having previously agreed shared time. As you can imagine telling an 8 year old and a 6 year old they can't now go to Disney World is a non starter so his hands were tied.
It's constantly like this and has been for years. No idea how he has kept his sanity.
Yep, both my boys have done the bamboo grad thing. Usually take them a few times during the year so they can drive as fast as they want. I am hoping that they will get the speed thing out of their system whilst young so when they are older will be able to handle a car and not want to drive too fast on the roads.
Rugby on Sunday for both of them again. One is built like a truck and plays U15s and the other one is coming out of touch.
Drayton Manor is ok, didn't know it was open, must have a look.
Rugby on Sunday for both of them again. One is built like a truck and plays U15s and the other one is coming out of touch.
Drayton Manor is ok, didn't know it was open, must have a look.
AndStilliRise said:
Yep, both my boys have done the bamboo grad thing. Usually take them a few times during the year so they can drive as fast as they want. I am hoping that they will get the speed thing out of their system whilst young so when they are older will be able to handle a car and not want to drive too fast on the roads.
Rugby on Sunday for both of them again. One is built like a truck and plays U15s and the other one is coming out of touch.
Drayton Manor is ok, didn't know it was open, must have a look.
o/t had a kart from the age of 10 and at 17, as a gift for passing my test first time, got a day at Silverstone skidschool. Both were invaluable over the last 23+ years.Rugby on Sunday for both of them again. One is built like a truck and plays U15s and the other one is coming out of touch.
Drayton Manor is ok, didn't know it was open, must have a look.
YankeePorker said:
One of the things that surprised me when I looked at my ongoing marital meltdown was to realise that after 24 years together, our shared interests in life are essentially our kids. We are not interested in each others' hobbies, and our likes and dislikes have become increasingly diametrically opposed. So WTF are we doing together?!
I'm amazed this surprised you, as it's a very common cause of marriage breakdown which I thought everyone would have been well aware of.I've actually tried to take some positive steps to avoid this happening to us. From when my oldest was about 14, I made a point of arranging stuff to do together, even if it was just going out for a long walk and talking. We go away for weekends, and although we like different stuff on tv, we always watch the news together and discuss our thoughts on the state of the world. All in the hope that when they eventually leave, we might have enough common ground to work with.
I think it helps that we were married 10 years before we even had kids, so had spent a lot of time together just as a couple.
No guarantee it'll work, as we both also have quite a few separate interests. Time will tell I guess.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
YankeePorker said:
One of the things that surprised me when I looked at my ongoing marital meltdown was to realise that after 24 years together, our shared interests in life are essentially our kids. We are not interested in each others' hobbies, and our likes and dislikes have become increasingly diametrically opposed. So WTF are we doing together?!
I'm amazed this surprised you, as it's a very common cause of marriage breakdown which I thought everyone would have been well aware of.I've actually tried to take some positive steps to avoid this happening to us. From when my oldest was about 14, I made a point of arranging stuff to do together, even if it was just going out for a long walk and talking. We go away for weekends, and although we like different stuff on tv, we always watch the news together and discuss our thoughts on the state of the world. All in the hope that when they eventually leave, we might have enough common ground to work with.
I think it helps that we were married 10 years before we even had kids, so had spent a lot of time together just as a couple.
No guarantee it'll work, as we both also have quite a few separate interests. Time will tell I guess.
Joey Deacon said:
Do you think she wants to put the hand and leg irons on you and send you out to the plantation all day while she gives up work and goes out for coffee with her friends?
What is her dating history like? Did she tell you she had to date lots of bad boys before realising what she really wanted was a nice guy? Did this tie in with her reaching 32/33?
If so run!
From my experience I would say run anyway but apparently I am bitter and twisted.
I would run, but is pretty hard when you have no particular reason for it. Other than that I don't know her dating history but we didn't reach that age yet, I'm nice enough guy but I just aged to the great age of 24 last month, and I can't think kids and engagement whatsoever, I want big barges not kids What is her dating history like? Did she tell you she had to date lots of bad boys before realising what she really wanted was a nice guy? Did this tie in with her reaching 32/33?
If so run!
From my experience I would say run anyway but apparently I am bitter and twisted.
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