Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
johnwilliams77 said:
Well, easy to say, but if you're earning potential is very low and you will be in such a position should a marriage fail then you should think very carefully about the risks you are taking on (getting married, having kids!)
That's just not how it works though, is it? For very many people, getting together with someone else IS the route to leaving the parental home and starting an adult life.
And you've only got to read a few of the stories on here to realise what people are prepared to accept from their partner/wife/husband because they're 'in love'.
Ari said:
PAUL500 said:
I would say your friend was very very lucky to come aware with such a joint agreement if children were involved, had it gone to a final hearing he would not have had 50%, and lucky to get 40%
Well, not according to his (very clued up family law specialist) solicitor, and presumably not according to hers (otherwise I've no doubt she'd have tried to shaft him for more).Still, what do they know...
PAUL500 seems to have been royally shafted so will understandably have a pessimistic view of courts and family law.
However, my experience says that any hint of material loss due to looking after children will result in an asset split in favour of the person suffering that loss.
Generally, that seems fair. However, the application of the law and the way in which it can be 'played' is far from fair, IMHO.
Ari said:
That's just not how it works though, is it?
For very many people, getting together with someone else IS the route to leaving the parental home and starting an adult life.
And you've only got to read a few of the stories on here to realise what people are prepared to accept from their partner/wife/husband because they're 'in love'.
For very many people it is not the case too. For very many people, getting together with someone else IS the route to leaving the parental home and starting an adult life.
And you've only got to read a few of the stories on here to realise what people are prepared to accept from their partner/wife/husband because they're 'in love'.
University > flat share > partner > kids > divorce > studio flat > start thread on PH moaning.
What they don't know is who would be the judge at the final hearing, and what his decision would be. Theirs would simply be educated guesses that is all. That alone frightens most sensible people into agreeing a resolution rather than going through the courts.
A greedy solicitor will usually convince one of the parties to take the risk, as that increases their own fees with no risk to themselves.
Your friends no doubt had decent, genuine representation on both sides who guided their clients to resolution which is always the best way. My ex had a solicitor who worked for herself from home, was renowned for convincing her clients to take it all the way...oh and used the services of her barrister husband in court. Both were on the gravy train.
Find us a case that has gone all the way through court and with all things being equal, that a couple with children had an equity split of 50/50 passed down by a judge. It does not happen.
My court case was only 2 years ago. I know of two friends since who also ended up with 70/30 it seems to be the norm now, 10% extra for every child over and above 50/50 to the mother out of the fathers share.
My mums old friend is a retired solicitor so could not represent me, he told me straight early into my case to expect at best 70/30 and that anything better than that would be a bonus. He was only 2% out.
Still, what do they know...
A greedy solicitor will usually convince one of the parties to take the risk, as that increases their own fees with no risk to themselves.
Your friends no doubt had decent, genuine representation on both sides who guided their clients to resolution which is always the best way. My ex had a solicitor who worked for herself from home, was renowned for convincing her clients to take it all the way...oh and used the services of her barrister husband in court. Both were on the gravy train.
Find us a case that has gone all the way through court and with all things being equal, that a couple with children had an equity split of 50/50 passed down by a judge. It does not happen.
My court case was only 2 years ago. I know of two friends since who also ended up with 70/30 it seems to be the norm now, 10% extra for every child over and above 50/50 to the mother out of the fathers share.
My mums old friend is a retired solicitor so could not represent me, he told me straight early into my case to expect at best 70/30 and that anything better than that would be a bonus. He was only 2% out.
Ari said:
PAUL500 said:
I would say your friend was very very lucky to come aware with such a joint agreement if children were involved, had it gone to a final hearing he would not have had 50%, and lucky to get 40%
Well, not according to his (very clued up family law specialist) solicitor, and presumably not according to hers (otherwise I've no doubt she'd have tried to shaft him for more).Still, what do they know...
Edited by PAUL500 on Thursday 2nd March 17:48
PAUL500 said:
My ex had a solicitor who worked for herself from home, was renowned for convincing her clients to take it all the way...oh and used the services of her barrister husband in court. Both were on the gravy train.
If there is any justice in this world, those two will have a messy hateful divorce on the back of one of them cheating....smack said:
PAUL500 said:
My ex had a solicitor who worked for herself from home, was renowned for convincing her clients to take it all the way...oh and used the services of her barrister husband in court. Both were on the gravy train.
If there is any justice in this world, those two will have a messy hateful divorce on the back of one of them cheating....Yep it was my ex wife's solicitor!
Blimey Tonker that's a complicated set up. Your ex wife is helping your wife with packing, or am I reading it wrong?
Its no surprise that someone who has a history of avoiding decisions, hoarding and all sorts of stuff is still doing the same even when things ought to have come to a head by now. Frustrating as it is for you, I suspect she hasn't got any other tactics to use unfortunately.
Its no surprise that someone who has a history of avoiding decisions, hoarding and all sorts of stuff is still doing the same even when things ought to have come to a head by now. Frustrating as it is for you, I suspect she hasn't got any other tactics to use unfortunately.
johnwilliams77 said:
What do you mean
"Even the exwife told her to shut up. She ignored that as well...." Exwife to who to shut up?
His wife(2be exwife) told her mother (tonkers soon to be ex-MIL) to shut up due to some of the bulletpoints above."Even the exwife told her to shut up. She ignored that as well...." Exwife to who to shut up?
I hate explaining the plot to people!!
opcorn: come on Tonker, stay in there, it's almost done!! (well it's not, but I'm sure it'll get better soon!!!)
olly22n said:
Davey S2 said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Other than providing vacant possession on the day of completion it isn't your problem.Just drag her stuff out of the house and leave it on the pavement.
My colleague is going through the mill at the moment with his wife, I'm amazed he is holding it all together and still being reasonable as she is being; plainly and simply a
, but there are kids involved, hence why he is bending over backwards to be reasonable, even if she isn't.Seems to be a common theme here!
I was lucky, my in laws were great throughout the relationship and beyond, I even lived next door to them for 2 years, I imagine they knew what was coming and felt sorry for me.
In the alternative universe that is mumsnet I am sure there is no doubt an identical thread running with roles reversed!
I was lucky, my in laws were great throughout the relationship and beyond, I even lived next door to them for 2 years, I imagine they knew what was coming and felt sorry for me.
In the alternative universe that is mumsnet I am sure there is no doubt an identical thread running with roles reversed!
Edited by PAUL500 on Wednesday 8th March 10:57
ribiero said:
His wife(2be exwife) told her mother (tonkers soon to be ex-MIL) to shut up due to some of the bulletpoints above.
I hate explaining the plot to people!!
opcorn:
come on Tonker, stay in there, it's almost done!! (well it's not, but I'm sure it'll get better soon!!!)
Sorry, my laziness....!I hate explaining the plot to people!!
opcorn: come on Tonker, stay in there, it's almost done!! (well it's not, but I'm sure it'll get better soon!!!)
ribiero said:
johnwilliams77 said:
What do you mean
"Even the exwife told her to shut up. She ignored that as well...." Exwife to who to shut up?
His wife(2be exwife) told her mother (tonkers soon to be ex-MIL) to shut up due to some of the bulletpoints above."Even the exwife told her to shut up. She ignored that as well...." Exwife to who to shut up?
I hate explaining the plot to people!!
opcorn: come on Tonker, stay in there, it's almost done!! (well it's not, but I'm sure it'll get better soon!!!)
My ex-wife disappeared for a few hours on the completion day. Her removal men and I packed her stuff and cleaned the house.
Fortunately my packed stuff had been picked up a couple of days earlier by the same removal people, so there was no arguing on the day. Might be worth investigating. And having a backup plan (removal company and storage unit for her stuff). There's not much you can do about her finding somewhere to live though.
Fortunately my packed stuff had been picked up a couple of days earlier by the same removal people, so there was no arguing on the day. Might be worth investigating. And having a backup plan (removal company and storage unit for her stuff). There's not much you can do about her finding somewhere to live though.
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