Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
I'd echo the back up plan. My ex wife was very similar with regard to ignoring the mechanics of moving and finding new places so our plan B was everything she didn't need to take to her parents for her and the kids went in my flat. She was a hoarder (we both were TBH but I'd cleared down to start again) and we sold a four bed house.
To those that are going through it at the moment, it takes time but I can promise you that it gets better. That story above was nearly 13 years ago and I now have a wonderful relationship with my kids and money in my bank account at the end of the month; well, I did till I bought an old V8 :-) . I make the last repayment on the loans for legal fees and share of the debts I took (we were 99% bankrupt at the time we split) in a month's time and that will be celebrated like you wouldn't believe. Now, where can I get some coke and hookers?
To those that are going through it at the moment, it takes time but I can promise you that it gets better. That story above was nearly 13 years ago and I now have a wonderful relationship with my kids and money in my bank account at the end of the month; well, I did till I bought an old V8 :-) . I make the last repayment on the loans for legal fees and share of the debts I took (we were 99% bankrupt at the time we split) in a month's time and that will be celebrated like you wouldn't believe. Now, where can I get some coke and hookers?
It only gets better Tonker. I've been through it twice so I have the experience to comment
You'll feel a huge weight lifted when it's done. Then you can focus on you and your son. Children are remarkably resilient and he'll do fine. Lots of reassurance needed so he doesn't feel in anyway responsible (can happen) and lots of quality time.
Good luck!
You'll feel a huge weight lifted when it's done. Then you can focus on you and your son. Children are remarkably resilient and he'll do fine. Lots of reassurance needed so he doesn't feel in anyway responsible (can happen) and lots of quality time.
Good luck!
Robertj21a said:
In all probability, your son will get over it far easier, and quicker, than you.
This.Your son can go to one parent and have fun, with a happy, relaxed parent, rinse and repeat with the other parent.
My parents should have split ages ago, it would have been better for everyone, us kids as well.
Tonker: like many here have been through this and it's a nightmare. My only observation is that the most important outcome is your relationship with your son. My ex told
My son many untrue things about me but I never responded. Just told my son that he was not to blame in any way. I just did positive things and made sure he was properly educated. Now,after many years he is an adult and we have a superb relationship. After he left school I never spoke with his mother again. As others have said it does get much better. Best of luck.
My son many untrue things about me but I never responded. Just told my son that he was not to blame in any way. I just did positive things and made sure he was properly educated. Now,after many years he is an adult and we have a superb relationship. After he left school I never spoke with his mother again. As others have said it does get much better. Best of luck.
No, it will probably get worse. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Tonker, I'm sure you've been told before, but forgot. Get personal high value stuff out of there now, preferably while she isn't there. Things like photo frames should have been out of the house, and in your office months ago. Things like irons, and bag sealers are fair game, and are what they are. And you'll just have to lock stuff in the car, and carry the keys at all times. It's only for a bit.
Tonker, I'm sure you've been told before, but forgot. Get personal high value stuff out of there now, preferably while she isn't there. Things like photo frames should have been out of the house, and in your office months ago. Things like irons, and bag sealers are fair game, and are what they are. And you'll just have to lock stuff in the car, and carry the keys at all times. It's only for a bit.
f
king Ikea....
had many an argument in there, let alone about some of the 'easy to assemble' crap when I got it home! Those food bags are very collectable too so I can see why it would get heated.
bloody Swedes, they have a lot to answer for.
keep your chin up, don't react and stay sane!
in other news, my ex challenged me as to whether I am 'seeing' someone. "it's only been 3 months" - so not counting the near year sharing a house and sleeping in separate beds and the 6-12 months of absolute torture prior to that; so when I count it at well over 18 months there was no real response; but 2 days of text arguing ensued. need the legals sorted and done with.
king Ikea....had many an argument in there, let alone about some of the 'easy to assemble' crap when I got it home! Those food bags are very collectable too so I can see why it would get heated.
bloody Swedes, they have a lot to answer for.
keep your chin up, don't react and stay sane!
in other news, my ex challenged me as to whether I am 'seeing' someone. "it's only been 3 months" - so not counting the near year sharing a house and sleeping in separate beds and the 6-12 months of absolute torture prior to that; so when I count it at well over 18 months there was no real response; but 2 days of text arguing ensued. need the legals sorted and done with.
Edited by westberks on Friday 17th March 09:38
I expect you have already done this but
Passwords on laptops/ipads/phones/email/ebay accounts all changed? Itunes changed to protect the cloud photos.
Maybe time to get the bank to change your debit/credit cards for ones with new numbers?
If she doesnt return that ipad then she may have a st load of data you dont want her having.
She clearly has issues, my ex did too,all i can say is just be strong for the boy,never act aggressively and above all, never ever give up on your son.
Mine threw all sorts of st at me, i had to see my kids via a contact centre for 6 months because of her completely false allegations.
Not sure if its been said on this thread but i would seriously think about recording conversations,corresponding via text or email,keep a diary,my gut feeling is that the games wont stop even when you are both finally apart.
My ex still arses me about now, but its harder now my daughter is 18 and my son 15,I tend to deal with them directly.But if she can fk up an arrangement she will.
Good luck, chin up, keep marching.
Passwords on laptops/ipads/phones/email/ebay accounts all changed? Itunes changed to protect the cloud photos.
Maybe time to get the bank to change your debit/credit cards for ones with new numbers?
If she doesnt return that ipad then she may have a s
t load of data you dont want her having.She clearly has issues, my ex did too,all i can say is just be strong for the boy,never act aggressively and above all, never ever give up on your son.
Mine threw all sorts of s
t at me, i had to see my kids via a contact centre for 6 months because of her completely false allegations.Not sure if its been said on this thread but i would seriously think about recording conversations,corresponding via text or email,keep a diary,my gut feeling is that the games wont stop even when you are both finally apart.
My ex still arses me about now, but its harder now my daughter is 18 and my son 15,I tend to deal with them directly.But if she can f
k up an arrangement she will.Good luck, chin up, keep marching.
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