Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
just to echo everyone else on here, Chin up mate. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, your restraint regarding your wife, and your selfless and unquestionable love and care for your son is an inspiration to us all.
I think that we would all agree that if any of us could help out or do you a favour, either collectively or individually, we would. do not be afraid to ask.
I hope that in time, the light at the end of the tunnel grows and your life with your son is a great one. YOu are building that foundation now.
consider yourself hugged ( in a manly and not gay way, three pats on the back and all that) by a tubby Highlander.
I think that we would all agree that if any of us could help out or do you a favour, either collectively or individually, we would. do not be afraid to ask.
I hope that in time, the light at the end of the tunnel grows and your life with your son is a great one. YOu are building that foundation now.
consider yourself hugged ( in a manly and not gay way, three pats on the back and all that) by a tubby Highlander.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Does sound like a nightmare 
You're not a million miles from me. If you ever needed a hand moving anything or whatever just drop me a PM.
I can't imagine how s
tty the whole situation must be. But on the upside, it's not forever. And a year or two you'll be able to look back on what was a dark time and be thankful that it's over.The joint house sold on 25th Jan this year (I say joint I only got 30% back!)
Not had to have any contact with the old witch since, all contact with my daughters is now direct.
Despite demanding in court and being granted 70% she is renting not buying! my daughter says the fridge in it smells etc.The ex did not appreciate a thing I did for her in all those 17 years.
I am told she is rapidly dropping now she cannot vent on me anymore, her career is lost as a result of her taking voluntary redundancy just before the final hearing (solely in order to claw a greater share of the assets) and she has isolated herself from everyone. All that money of mine she has in the bank does not give her an ounce of control over me either anymore and the lack of that is eating her up now.
Mine also demanded and was granted the entire contents of the house, come moving day I started getting offered the tat she did not want, My reply was no thanks, most of it ended up at the end of the drive for the binmen to take in the end.
I imagine the place she is living in will soon become a dump, just like the one she had when I first met her, that's my only concern as my daughter has to live in it, but social services are on board monitoring that matter. I did not ask them to intervene, this was forced on her by another of her recent actions.
The sense of freedom you will get once that completion of your house happens will be immense I can assure you Tonker.
You still have the financial split to sort, and I can guarantee you will be going via the courts in the end just so she can lengthen the malice.
Also expect to take your son on full time in a few months after the house is sold, sounds like she will spiral down rapidly once you stop being available as a verbal punchbag every evening and mr on call taxi driver.
The next nail in the coffin for mine will be when she finds out I am in the process of buying another plot of land and building a nice house for myself and my daughters, I imagine she will quickly run out of pins to stick in that voodoo doll of me when that nugget of info hits home :-)
The final nail though will be when my Ferrari project is finished and I pick up my daughter in it, or get spotted by her rolling around town with hopefully a lovely brunette in the passenger seat.
Karma is a wonderful thing when it finally kicks in.
Not had to have any contact with the old witch since, all contact with my daughters is now direct.
Despite demanding in court and being granted 70% she is renting not buying! my daughter says the fridge in it smells etc.The ex did not appreciate a thing I did for her in all those 17 years.
I am told she is rapidly dropping now she cannot vent on me anymore, her career is lost as a result of her taking voluntary redundancy just before the final hearing (solely in order to claw a greater share of the assets) and she has isolated herself from everyone. All that money of mine she has in the bank does not give her an ounce of control over me either anymore and the lack of that is eating her up now.
Mine also demanded and was granted the entire contents of the house, come moving day I started getting offered the tat she did not want, My reply was no thanks, most of it ended up at the end of the drive for the binmen to take in the end.
I imagine the place she is living in will soon become a dump, just like the one she had when I first met her, that's my only concern as my daughter has to live in it, but social services are on board monitoring that matter. I did not ask them to intervene, this was forced on her by another of her recent actions.
The sense of freedom you will get once that completion of your house happens will be immense I can assure you Tonker.
You still have the financial split to sort, and I can guarantee you will be going via the courts in the end just so she can lengthen the malice.
Also expect to take your son on full time in a few months after the house is sold, sounds like she will spiral down rapidly once you stop being available as a verbal punchbag every evening and mr on call taxi driver.
The next nail in the coffin for mine will be when she finds out I am in the process of buying another plot of land and building a nice house for myself and my daughters, I imagine she will quickly run out of pins to stick in that voodoo doll of me when that nugget of info hits home :-)
The final nail though will be when my Ferrari project is finished and I pick up my daughter in it, or get spotted by her rolling around town with hopefully a lovely brunette in the passenger seat.
Karma is a wonderful thing when it finally kicks in.
Edited by PAUL500 on Friday 17th March 12:34
PAUL500 said:
The joint house sold on 25th Jan this year (I say joint I only got 30% back!)
Not had to have any contact with the old witch since, all contact with my daughters is now direct.
Despite demanding in court and being granted 70% she is renting not buying! my daughter says the fridge in it smells etc.The ex did not appreciate a thing I did for her in all those 17 years.
I am told she is rapidly dropping now she cannot vent on me anymore, her career is lost as a result of her taking voluntary redundancy just before the final hearing (solely in order to claw a greater share of the assets) and she has isolated herself from everyone. All that money of mine she has in the bank does not give her an ounce of control over me either anymore and the lack of that is eating her up now.
Mine also demanded and was granted the entire contents of the house, come moving day I started getting offered the tat she did not want, My reply was no thanks, most of it ended up at the end of the drive for the binmen to take in the end.
I imagine the place she is living in will soon become a dump, just like the one she had when I first met her, that's my only concern as my daughter has to live in it, but social services are on board monitoring that matter. I did not ask them to intervene, this was forced on her by another of her recent actions.
The sense of freedom you will get once that completion of your house happens will be immense I can assure you Tonker.
You still have the financial split to sort, and I can guarantee you will be going via the courts in the end just so she can lengthen the malice.
Also expect to take your son on full time in a few months after the house is sold, sounds like she will spiral down rapidly once you stop being available as a verbal punchbag every evening and mr on call taxi driver.
The next nail in the coffin for mine will be when she finds out I am in the process of buying another plot of land and building a nice house for myself and my daughters, I imagine she will quickly run out of pins to stick in that voodoo doll of me when that nugget of info hits home :-)
The final nail though will be when my Ferrari project is finished and I pick up my daughter in it, or get spotted by her rolling around town with hopefully a lovely brunette in the passenger seat.
Karma is a wonderful thing when it finally kicks in.
Legend. Good luck!Not had to have any contact with the old witch since, all contact with my daughters is now direct.
Despite demanding in court and being granted 70% she is renting not buying! my daughter says the fridge in it smells etc.The ex did not appreciate a thing I did for her in all those 17 years.
I am told she is rapidly dropping now she cannot vent on me anymore, her career is lost as a result of her taking voluntary redundancy just before the final hearing (solely in order to claw a greater share of the assets) and she has isolated herself from everyone. All that money of mine she has in the bank does not give her an ounce of control over me either anymore and the lack of that is eating her up now.
Mine also demanded and was granted the entire contents of the house, come moving day I started getting offered the tat she did not want, My reply was no thanks, most of it ended up at the end of the drive for the binmen to take in the end.
I imagine the place she is living in will soon become a dump, just like the one she had when I first met her, that's my only concern as my daughter has to live in it, but social services are on board monitoring that matter. I did not ask them to intervene, this was forced on her by another of her recent actions.
The sense of freedom you will get once that completion of your house happens will be immense I can assure you Tonker.
You still have the financial split to sort, and I can guarantee you will be going via the courts in the end just so she can lengthen the malice.
Also expect to take your son on full time in a few months after the house is sold, sounds like she will spiral down rapidly once you stop being available as a verbal punchbag every evening and mr on call taxi driver.
The next nail in the coffin for mine will be when she finds out I am in the process of buying another plot of land and building a nice house for myself and my daughters, I imagine she will quickly run out of pins to stick in that voodoo doll of me when that nugget of info hits home :-)
The final nail though will be when my Ferrari project is finished and I pick up my daughter in it, or get spotted by her rolling around town with hopefully a lovely brunette in the passenger seat.
Karma is a wonderful thing when it finally kicks in.
Edited by PAUL500 on Friday 17th March 12:34
Good thinking! 
anonymous said:
[redacted]
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This is what I find rather odd about your situation. She treats you with absolute and utter contempt and goes way out of her way to make your life an unmitigated misery.Then she clicks her fingers and you instantly jump to her command.
Oh dear, it's dark **CLICK** Tonker's there with his nice warm car (now he's got the f
king keys back!)That pie smells nice **CLICK** Tonker's immediately cut it in half (whilst actually eating it - it's not even like he's still making lunch) and it's on a plate in front of her.
I totally totally get that you want to keep the peace. But do you ever stop to wonder whether the reason this woman continually acts as though there are no consequences to her actions is because, well, clearly there are none!
She can treat you like s
t and you still rush up, half your dinner in hand.Ari said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This is what I find rather odd about your situation. She treats you with absolute and utter contempt and goes way out of her way to make your life an unmitigated misery.Then she clicks her fingers and you instantly jump to her command.
Oh dear, it's dark **CLICK** Tonker's there with his nice warm car (now he's got the f
king keys back!)That pie smells nice **CLICK** Tonker's immediately cut it in half (whilst actually eating it - it's not even like he's still making lunch) and it's on a plate in front of her.
I totally totally get that you want to keep the peace. But do you ever stop to wonder whether the reason this woman continually acts as though there are no consequences to her actions is because, well, clearly there are none!
She can treat you like s
t and you still rush up, half your dinner in hand.HTP99 said:
That is exactly what my colleague is like with his wife, she treats him with utter contempt, however she clicks her fingers and he is there, I think he is like it as there are kids involved.
He's doing what it feels right to do; i.e. he's punished when he does something she doesn't like so presumably logic would dictate the opposite. However, if the world revolves around her, and she's self entitled then her view of the world will be that he's behaving normally, or badly, and badly is punished.
It'll be painful, but I'd imagine over time and when she doesn't have as much power to cause hassle for him through petty revenge, he may discover that playing hard ball will get him an easier life, and she may even give him more respect than she currently does. Here's hoping, anyway....
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Blasphemy!To be fair Tonker, I know it's a difficult balancing act. I separated from my ex 11 years ago when my daughter was 3 (I am still told occasionally that it was my fault that she ran off with another bloke as I was too busy working 2 jobs to keep a roof over her and her son's head). We have always got on pretty well but the mental will occasionally rear it's head and usually when I met someone new.
The difficulty that I have is juggling her and my current relationship. My new wife also has a son from a previous marriage and his dad is a waste of space - supposed to pay £20 a week and we haven't seen a penny for 9 months, has another 5 kids from his 2nd marriage and not paying for them either - whereas we see my daughter every weekend and I pay my share every month on the dot. God forbid we ever try to swap a Saturday night so that we can have some time on our own!
It's not a short road and will forever be strewn with rocks and debris whilst you have a child together below a certain age. You seem to have your priorities right in ensuring that you relationship with your son acts as your cushion for those bumps in the road. Good for you and I wish you all the best
PS Mine still moans that I sold the metal bedstead that she left when she moved in with the other bloke. I've never had the heart to tell her that the welds snapped when I was banging a 19 year old after she had left
Ari said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This is what I find rather odd about your situation. She treats you with absolute and utter contempt and goes way out of her way to make your life an unmitigated misery.Then she clicks her fingers and you instantly jump to her command.
Oh dear, it's dark **CLICK** Tonker's there with his nice warm car (now he's got the f
king keys back!)That pie smells nice **CLICK** Tonker's immediately cut it in half (whilst actually eating it - it's not even like he's still making lunch) and it's on a plate in front of her.
I totally totally get that you want to keep the peace. But do you ever stop to wonder whether the reason this woman continually acts as though there are no consequences to her actions is because, well, clearly there are none!
She can treat you like s
t and you still rush up, half your dinner in hand.The problem is, as I have seen with so many guys in the past, is that the new one tends to turn into an even worse version of the old one!!!!! and off they go again.
PAUL500 said:
Once tonker has another woman in his life then that will all stop, the new one will soon make sure of that.
Hi, long time reader, occasional fact checker. I believe according to many many many pages back Tonker already had a squeeze due to the marriage being over in all but the court of law.yajeed said:
It'll be painful, but I'd imagine over time and when she doesn't have as much power to cause hassle for him through petty revenge, he may discover that playing hard ball will get him an easier life, and she may even give him more respect than she currently does. Here's hoping, anyway....
I suspect that it might now. If he was a little less of a... I'm trying to think of a kinder expression than doormat but can't, sorry, then maybe she'd be less inclined to walk all over him and treat him like a tt.I appreciate the counter argument is 'I'm keeping the peace, I don't want to make it worse', but from what I've read there is literally nothing she won't stoop to in order to make his life hell already. If there were something she could do to make it worse - she would be doing it!
If someone was treating me the way she's treating him, and then demanding taxi service or half the pie I'm already f
king eating, I'd be inclined to say 'lets have a little look at your actions over the last few days, and then you can decide for yourself whether you're likely to be getting any of my delicious pie'.As I say - can't make it worse, and it might just engender a spark of respect.
People who act like doormats do inevitably tend to end up being treated like doormats...
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