Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
Actually, he is showing he has cojones by declining to engage her in the fights she so obviously wants in order to add ammunition to her argument.
He is both setting an example to his son that you treat others as you would like to be treated, and maintaining as stress-free an environment for him as possible.
He is both setting an example to his son that you treat others as you would like to be treated, and maintaining as stress-free an environment for him as possible.
BlackLabel said:
I feel a bit sorry for the soon-to-be Mrs Tonker - it's not because of anything he's done however from what's been written in this thread she clearly has some mental health issues and she deserves help and support, not ridicule and hate.
She seems to be getting more than her fair share of help and support from Tonker and should be getting the rest from a medical professional. From whom is she receiving ridicule and hate?Tonker: Later in life you will reap the benefit in your relationship with your son, because he will come to understand that you did everything to make a horrible trauma of splitting up as respectful as possible. I did similarly and basically give her 100% of what I had, house, investments and so on. We flat broke in my forties but it made me immediately rebuild my life, and it all turned out well. You are doing the right thing.
While you have a valid point, I think divorce is a special situation. Simply by inaction, or being useless or obstructive, Tonker's ex can make his life impossible. If he doesn't bend over backwards to hold it together, he actually suffers more because he wants things to be right. She doesn't seem to give a stuff. When it's all over, he will know that he did the right thing and can look at himself in the mirror.
ETA: maybe I'm projecting!
ETA: maybe I'm projecting!
I think of it like this: If a drunk was in my house, peeing on the carpet and breaking stuff, I'd open the door for him to leave rather than have a fight which will only make it worse.
The problem with setting boundaries for an ex-partner is that they have no incentive to respect them, and many incentives to cross them. That just makes it worse - either it escalates, or one part backs down with even more resentment. IMHO, not worth it.
The problem with setting boundaries for an ex-partner is that they have no incentive to respect them, and many incentives to cross them. That just makes it worse - either it escalates, or one part backs down with even more resentment. IMHO, not worth it.
Tonker has and is a long standing contributor to ph whose views i think most of us respect.
What id like to know now tonker is given what you know would you have got married in the first place or get married again?
Would you now argue its simpler to have a partner and have a child whilst not being married? Then you wouldnt have to give up half your assets?
It seems youve worked very hard and long hours to build up your assets and id appreciate your views.
What id like to know now tonker is given what you know would you have got married in the first place or get married again?
Would you now argue its simpler to have a partner and have a child whilst not being married? Then you wouldnt have to give up half your assets?
It seems youve worked very hard and long hours to build up your assets and id appreciate your views.
anonymous said:
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The question is, when that does happen, are you going to allow her to push the button that she seems able to find every time and have you contribute towards the new place (in addition to any settlement) because your son will be living there.I applaud your strength through out this but at some point you will have to make a tough decision if you want to be able to get on with your life and force your ex to take control of hers.
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