Any divorce lawyers on here?

[Ari]

If you don't do the latter you get to avoid the former!

[PAUL500]

My recent experience with divorce.

Visit 10 family lawyers and you will get 10 different stories.

Sit in front of 10 family law judges with the same case, and you will get 10 different rulings.

The whole process is massively open to interpretation.

Assets don't become joint upon marriage, especially pensions, where any accrual prior to marriage stays with the person whose name the pension is in.

Add children into the mix and that is when it really gets hugely one sided.

Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 28th August 14:11

[Ari]

PAUL500 said:

My recent experience with divorce.

Visit 10 family lawyers and you will get 10 different stories.

Sit in front of 10 family law judges with the same case, and you will get 10 different rulings.

The whole process is massively open to interpretation.

Assets don't become joint upon marriage, especially pensions, where any accrual prior to marriage stays with the person whose name the pension is in.

Add children into the mix and that is when it really gets hugely one sided.

Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 28th August 14:11

You appear to have quoted the bold as fact. Are you absolutely certain that this is the case..?

It does appear to run rather contrary to many many related experiences...

[Superhoop]

Adam B said:

This x100

Seriously write off th 10-20k ring, you gifted it without expecting it back, and it's an emotional asset so why antagonise? Keep things polite and you will save that and more by not getting lawyers involved - shame you already have as most divorces can be sorted easily if no kids / common sense and keeping fair and calm. Did mine myself and it cost £600 online

Again, this ^^^^

I got divorced using the help of an online site too and again, cost about £600. I never even questioned the wedding or engagement rings - I gave them them too her never expecting to get divorced and therefore never expected them back, my advice would be to do the same. The only point at which I got a bit miffed was when I realised she'd cleaned out a joint savings account of about 10k - I thought about it and figured, if she wants it that badly, she can have it - it was either that, or give it to a solicitor trying to get it back, so there was just no point.

The profit from the house was split 50/50, other stuff (and remember, it is just stuff) was split as we saw fair.

One piece of advise that was given to me on here - get a solicitor to draw up a clean break agreement and get it signed by the court.

At the other end of the spectrum (I'm sure there are much worse) when my sister got divorced, her solicitor relieved her of 80k for getting her what she wanted (no idea what my ex BIL spent)... She could have given him almost everything and bought it all again for 80k...

ETA: My marriage was about the same length of time as yours I think, well somewhere in that region anyway.

[Rick101]

I really can't understand why marriage is still so prevalent.
People should look at these things with a more pragmatic view.

Mugs game, as many on here will tell you.
Some folk are happily married but they are a vast minority of couples. Why risk it?

[Wombat3]

Superhoop said:

One piece of advise that was given to me on here - get a solicitor to draw up a clean break agreement and get it signed by the court.

+1 - what you need is called a Consent Order , move heaven & earth to get it if you have to. Without it you are potentially always looking over your shoulder.

[Matt UK]

Wombat3 said:

+1 - what you need is called a Consent Order , move heaven & earth to get it if you have to. Without it you are potentially always looking over your shoulder.

Yeah agreed, trade generously now if you can afford it in order to get her out of your hair long term.

[Adam B]

Superhoop said:

The only point at which I got a bit miffed was when I realised she'd cleaned out a joint savings account of about 10k - I thought about it and figured, if she wants it that badly, she can have it - it was either that, or give it to a solicitor trying to get it back, so there was just no point.

Pretty despicable and shameless behaviour but agree with your reaction. There is a lot of bitterness on PH about divorce and calls to hide your assets, blow the savings etc but one move that does make sense is immediately transfer 50% of savings to a sole account. Fortunately my ex was better behaved than this.

[Wombat3]

Adam B said:

Superhoop said:

The only point at which I got a bit miffed was when I realised she'd cleaned out a joint savings account of about 10k - I thought about it and figured, if she wants it that badly, she can have it - it was either that, or give it to a solicitor trying to get it back, so there was just no point.

Pretty despicable and shameless behaviour but agree with your reaction. There is a lot of bitterness on PH about divorce and calls to hide your assets, blow the savings etc but one move that does make sense is immediately transfer 50% of savings to a sole account. Fortunately my ex was better behaved than this.

Correction, transfer ALL savings to a sole account. You will have to account for them, but try getting back 50% of what gets spent on "living expenses" in the 2/3/4 week period before all the joint assets get formally audited/itemised.

At least if you've got the money under control it won't vanish into thin air & you will get your half of it. My ex was quite put out when the Offset mortgage account moved from being 50% drawn down to 100% & the joint accounts were emptied the day I discovered what she was up to. She went ballistic that I had stopped her drawing any money (and cancelled her joint credit card). The funds sat in a deposit account off-setting the mortgage balance so it didn't cost anything but it preserved what was there in the first place.

[Matt UK]

Rick101 said:

I really can't understand why marriage is still so prevalent.
People should look at these things with a more pragmatic view.

Mugs game, as many on here will tell you.
Some folk are happily married but they are a vast minority of couples. Why risk it?

True, but live with someone long enough, share income and spending, have kids together etc... If it goes south you're as good as married, the lack of a certificate makes no odds.

[Rick101]

So why bother with the certificate?

Having kids together changes things. Sharing income because its the done thing is moronic in my view.
Divorce can be incredibly traumatic, life changing and life ending in some cases I'm sure.

[Trabi601]

Start with the mindset that everything, and I mean everything, including that book case you bought from Ikea a couple of years ago, is to be split 50/50 and consider anything more in your favour a win.

You may find a solicitor who'll tell you he can get you 60/70%, but the cost of that will outweigh just going 50/50 to begin with.

Having been incredibly close to this myself (had to get my solicitor to write to the court to cancel everything at the last moment) - it may not feel fair and just right now, but you cannot put a price on the stress of fighting over a better split.

[Rick101]

We bought a place together after around 4 years. Exactly 50/50 on the deposit and 50/50 monthly's into a bank account to cover and house related costs from a boiler service to the Netflix subscription.

Both have plenty of cash left and though we have our 'own' money that doesn't of course stop you spending it on taking the other half for a meal out or weekend away.
I'm still bemused every time I get asked how I got 'permission' for an Exige.

Works for us and every time I hear a tale of woe yes I do feel a little bit smug.

[alfie2244]

Trabi601 said:

Start with the mindset that everything, and I mean everything, including that book case you bought from Ikea a couple of years ago, is to be split 50/50 and consider anything more in your favour a win.

You may find a solicitor who'll tell you he can get you 60/70%, but the cost of that will outweigh just going 50/50 to begin with.

Having been incredibly close to this myself (had to get my solicitor to write to the court to cancel everything at the last moment) - it may not feel fair and just right now, but you cannot put a price on the stress of fighting over a better split.

In agreement for the 1st time ever.whatever next?

Seriously..... thing can get very messy, silly and costly....such a shame because only the solicitors win so avoid confrontation if at all possible.

Having made an amicable arrangement - 55% in her favour actually - my OH decided to renege on our initial agreement, get vexatious and use a hostile solicitor that "could get her more" (apparently a house, flat & £000's) wasn't enough!).

Long story short, she ended up having to pay me back £000's, pay my ridiculously high and unnecessary legal costs as well as her own - at a guess about the cost of an average 3 bed semi in total - her 1st solicitor got "intervened" for aiding and abetting / pursuing her false claims....lots of grief for entire family....so avoid confrontation if at all possible would be my advice....there will be no winners otherwise

My current OH's divorce cost her and her ex about £100 or so IIRC so it can be done.

[Adam B]

alfie2244 said:

Having made an amicable arrangement - 55% in her favour actually - my OH decided to renege on our initial agreement, get vexatious and use a hostile solicitor that "could get her more" (apparently a house, flat & £000's) wasn't enough!).

Long story short, she ended up having to pay me back £000's, pay my ridiculously high and unnecessary legal costs as well as her own - at a guess about the cost of an average 3 bed semi in total - her 1st solicitor got "intervened" for aiding and abetting / pursuing her false claims.

I am tempted to say serve the bh right but I will resist

What happened to the solicitor? Was he over promising results of encouraging her to create a false case?

[Matt UK]

Rick101 said:

I really can't understand why marriage is still so prevalent.
People should look at these things with a more pragmatic view.

Mugs game, as many on here will tell you.
Some folk are happily married but they are a vast minority of couples. Why risk it?

True, but live with someone long enough, share income and spending, have kids together etc... If it goes south you're as good as married, the lack of a certificate makes no odds.

[Rick101]

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[alfie2244]

Adam B said:

I am tempted to say serve the bh right but I will resist

What happened to the solicitor? Was he over promising results of encouraging her to create a false case?

Really is a long story.

That was her 2nd solicitor..... once finding the true facts her 1st refused to act for her in a way that she dictated. Her 3rd had to rely on my goodwill and desire to finalise things, otherwise she could have ended up in court for perjury / contempt of court / failing to comply with Court Directions / Orders.

Her 2nd, subsequently intervened, fell for the "madwoman's" lies, was incompetent, way out of her depth, aggressive, combatative, failed to deliver a bundle better than an average 5yr old could have produced and then refused to attend court when Ordered etc etc

All very sad and avoidable........irony is it was her that thought grass was greener, things were all amicable up to the point I met my current partner 6 months after she walked out.....woman scorned eh!

[jshell]

Rick101 said:

So why bother with the certificate?

I've known a couple of women who justify putting it about on the fact that they don't feel properly committed to. I've also seen relationships fail due to the issue.

If you both agree, then fine. If not, it will likely become a problem.

[austinsmirk]

don't forget everything you had or bought is a depreciating asset. So that £4000 suite is now worth £200, 10 years later, yr £1000 TV is now worth £50. In fairness with no children, you have little to argue about.