Family coming up to stay for prolonged periods of time?
Discussion
Slightly off topic, but my BiL's in laws were due to visit for the weekend and so the daughter had spent all day cleaning and cooking a big meal for everyone.
An hour or so from when they were about to arrive (driving from Leicester to Bristol), the daughter had a phone call to say.
"I'm afraid we won't be coming down this weekend after all, as it looks like the weather may turn, and you know that your father doesn't like to drive in the rain"
An hour or so from when they were about to arrive (driving from Leicester to Bristol), the daughter had a phone call to say.
"I'm afraid we won't be coming down this weekend after all, as it looks like the weather may turn, and you know that your father doesn't like to drive in the rain"
My (soon to be ex) sister in law is like this. She even said she likes staying at others because it's like a hotel only better. Too many stories, but basically a plague of northern locusts consuming everything possible.
Went to stay with them once. Food was terrible. Thankfully the portions were small. We took a bottle of wine and a big box of chocolates with us as a thank you (they never bought anything on their numerous visits to us). During the evening my wife went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My brother and sil were both in there scoffing the chocolates. Needless to say we weren't offered any.
Next visit we stayed in a hotel.
Went to stay with them once. Food was terrible. Thankfully the portions were small. We took a bottle of wine and a big box of chocolates with us as a thank you (they never bought anything on their numerous visits to us). During the evening my wife went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My brother and sil were both in there scoffing the chocolates. Needless to say we weren't offered any.
Next visit we stayed in a hotel.
AstonZagato said:
My sister-in-law is like this. She turns up with her husband and three kids, brings little or nothing as a gift To last time she brought some spices she'd nbeen given but didn't want), stays for 1-2 weeks, doesn't lift a finger to help. They eat three square meals a day, drink my booze, monopolise the TV, etc. If we go out for a meal they don't even offer to pay (not even their share).
They also will make an effort to return from whatever they are doing to ensure they are back in time for their free meal rather than eating out at their own expense.
I just make sure I'm away as much of the time as possible.
To be fair, they aren't particularly well off and I'd refuse to accept them paying for a meal out. It would be nice if it were offered though.
Oh and when they come to stay, my wife's parents want to come and stay too so they can see all the grandchildren. So we have seven guests. The parents do help, bring stuff, offer to pay for food, etc. Normal houseguests.They also will make an effort to return from whatever they are doing to ensure they are back in time for their free meal rather than eating out at their own expense.
I just make sure I'm away as much of the time as possible.
To be fair, they aren't particularly well off and I'd refuse to accept them paying for a meal out. It would be nice if it were offered though.
Tell me about it, we have three here at the moment, nicking all the food, demanding to be fed, moaning when there is nothing good in the fridge, nicking my beer, hammering the water, electric, bog paper etc etc, never really do any jobs around the house and if they do they want paying.
But then, I suppose the are my kids..
But then, I suppose the are my kids..
Jakarta said:
Friends of ours in Jakarta were holidaying in the UK over Christmas and New Year 2013. They had booked a wonderful 8 bedroom house on the beach near Brighton and with a spare room asked if myself and the wife would like to join them and his family (she is a well off Indonesian).
They refused to let us pay for the room, I'm guessing the house was a couple of K per night.
I turned up with a Methusalah of Moet and a Jeroboam of Belvedere vodka.
Went down a treat
Please come and stay for a weekend in Hampshire I'd be happy to host you. They refused to let us pay for the room, I'm guessing the house was a couple of K per night.
I turned up with a Methusalah of Moet and a Jeroboam of Belvedere vodka.
Went down a treat
Had a word with my brother in law a few years ago about it and nearly got into a fight and he stormed out so knows my feelings on it. I was then the big bad b
d as it was at father in laws 70th (they had left by then) and I had to apologize to keep the piece.
Normally it's only once a year but they have been up three times this year staying for three or four days at a time. This is because they wanted free treatment and expect my wife to do it after working all week. He's a big fat 18 stone greedy bd who always has to have the most expensive meal, extra pint etc etc.
On the plus side the kids are getting older so won't be coming up much longer and father in law will only be able to drive the distance for a few more years which means wife will travel down to see them more often.
d as it was at father in laws 70th (they had left by then) and I had to apologize to keep the piece. Normally it's only once a year but they have been up three times this year staying for three or four days at a time. This is because they wanted free treatment and expect my wife to do it after working all week. He's a big fat 18 stone greedy b
d who always has to have the most expensive meal, extra pint etc etc.On the plus side the kids are getting older so won't be coming up much longer and father in law will only be able to drive the distance for a few more years which means wife will travel down to see them more often.
FN2TypeR said:
TheBALDpuma said:
I'm going to go against the grain here;
If you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
Stone age sIf you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
t, that is.She suggested I f
k off back into the garden and stop being such a tt.guillemot said:
zedstar said:
I wouldn't like family to do come and stay for ages just cos I can't be arsed with it, but, if we have an event in our house - so that's a dinner, BBQ or anyone's coming to stay for a weekend then everything's on us. We recently had my sons 1st birthday party and due to amount of people coming we had it fully outside catered and bought in all the drinks etc. The nice but people did was help us clean up afterwards and that was a great help. I suppose though that if they were selfish gits they would have just left me to it.
I'm not sure how I'd react to days/weeks of annoying guests though... Generally if family come over to stay the females all do the cooking, all help clean. It's us guys who chill.
I'm not sure about your last paragraph, I read it as the females cook and clean and the blokes do sod all. Is that what you're saying or do you mean because the women cook, everyone else cleans? I'm not sure how I'd react to days/weeks of annoying guests though... Generally if family come over to stay the females all do the cooking, all help clean. It's us guys who chill.
Jer_1974 said:
Had a word with my brother in law a few years ago about it and nearly got into a fight and he stormed out so knows my feelings on it. I was then the big bad bd as it was at father in laws 70th (they had left by then) and I had to apologize to keep the piece.
Normally it's only once a year but they have been up three times this year staying for three or four days at a time. This is because they wanted free treatment and expect my wife to do it after working all week. He's a big fat 18 stone greedy bd who always has to have the most expensive meal, extra pint etc etc.
On the plus side the kids are getting older so won't be coming up much longer and father in law will only be able to drive the distance for a few more years which means wife will travel down to see them more often.
Is the problem that, d as it was at father in laws 70th (they had left by then) and I had to apologize to keep the piece. Normally it's only once a year but they have been up three times this year staying for three or four days at a time. This is because they wanted free treatment and expect my wife to do it after working all week. He's a big fat 18 stone greedy b
d who always has to have the most expensive meal, extra pint etc etc.On the plus side the kids are getting older so won't be coming up much longer and father in law will only be able to drive the distance for a few more years which means wife will travel down to see them more often.
A. You don't really like prolonged visits from family
B. Your BIL is a bit difficult and you don't like seeing him for any length of time?
I used to like being a host for my O/H's family but on top of eating and drinking loads they've started breaking st too. I think since we've a kid now I'm less inclined to cook and tidy up after they leave everything at their arses.
Funny and topical thread to have come up actually, as I'm starting to think that it's just that I'm becoming a bit of a miserable bd the older I'm getting 
t too. I think since we've a kid now I'm less inclined to cook and tidy up after they leave everything at their arses.Funny and topical thread to have come up actually, as I'm starting to think that it's just that I'm becoming a bit of a miserable b
d the older I'm getting ecsrobin said:
Jakarta said:
Friends of ours in Jakarta were holidaying in the UK over Christmas and New Year 2013. They had booked a wonderful 8 bedroom house on the beach near Brighton and with a spare room asked if myself and the wife would like to join them and his family (she is a well off Indonesian).
They refused to let us pay for the room, I'm guessing the house was a couple of K per night.
I turned up with a Methusalah of Moet and a Jeroboam of Belvedere vodka.
Went down a treat
Please come and stay for a weekend in Hampshire I'd be happy to host you. They refused to let us pay for the room, I'm guessing the house was a couple of K per night.
I turned up with a Methusalah of Moet and a Jeroboam of Belvedere vodka.
Went down a treat
WinstonWolf said:
FN2TypeR said:
TheBALDpuma said:
I'm going to go against the grain here;
If you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
Stone age sIf you're hosting you should be cooking, cleaning and supplying food. Or at least your wife should - they're all pink jobs. If help is offered that's really nice, but it shouldn't be expected. And as for supplying food, if we've got family over we'll try but stuff in they like if we don't usually have it.
Just had my bro and his wife up (hi James), but we ate out ever day which solves a lot of the issues!
t, that is.She suggested I f
k off back into the garden and stop being such a tt.I had one of these of my own making. Two good friends were heading out to Disneyland Paris last February. Live in Preston, we lived in Goring on Thames at the time. They were complaining about the cost of hotels at Heathrow Airport and the cost of parking, or the cost of a train from Preston-London, taxis from hotels to terminal etc etc.
My missus suggested if they can come down a night or two before the flight, we can keep their car at ours, and I can take them to the airport and pick them up, before heading back up to Preston. All agreed a few months before.
Chaos caused when I mentioned I had three cars in two parking spaces, so did they mind parking in the street until I could MOT one so it could sit outside. After they then looked at the cost of hotel/ terminal parking, they quietened down. I could have parked mine outside, but it was a two minute walk and it was cold at 5am when I left for work!
They arrived three days before. Complained about not being able to do anything as the holiday had bankrupted them, so occupied the remote all the time they were there. Fast forward to 3am at Terminal 4. Not a word of thanks as they got out and I set off down to Chichester to get into the office four hours earlier than normal. Saturday night they got back, an hour stuck in terminal traffic. Once back all they did was refer not too subtly about how we earn so much more than them (we don't, and we have to pay higher rents etc) and now they're skint. They stayed another four days until they left. Once again not wanting to do anything. As much as we'd say no, not once did they offer to food/ fuel/ drink etc. Consequently we went up as a stop off on the way up to Glasgow and bought some drinks they like and food for the evening we spent in. Just felt a bit used.
FIL also came down a couple of Christmases ago, on his own since his OH passed. But for two weeks all he did was sit inside and drink. Didn't want to do anything, just watched TV, and complained. We felt so bad trying to get him to leave but it was such hard work, it didn't feel like a holiday for either of us. Last year we mentioned we were 'away visiting friends' up to the 22nd, and then my family on the 28th. Much better and I wasn't bankrupted through Stella Artois!
My missus suggested if they can come down a night or two before the flight, we can keep their car at ours, and I can take them to the airport and pick them up, before heading back up to Preston. All agreed a few months before.
Chaos caused when I mentioned I had three cars in two parking spaces, so did they mind parking in the street until I could MOT one so it could sit outside. After they then looked at the cost of hotel/ terminal parking, they quietened down. I could have parked mine outside, but it was a two minute walk and it was cold at 5am when I left for work!
They arrived three days before. Complained about not being able to do anything as the holiday had bankrupted them, so occupied the remote all the time they were there. Fast forward to 3am at Terminal 4. Not a word of thanks as they got out and I set off down to Chichester to get into the office four hours earlier than normal. Saturday night they got back, an hour stuck in terminal traffic. Once back all they did was refer not too subtly about how we earn so much more than them (we don't, and we have to pay higher rents etc) and now they're skint. They stayed another four days until they left. Once again not wanting to do anything. As much as we'd say no, not once did they offer to food/ fuel/ drink etc. Consequently we went up as a stop off on the way up to Glasgow and bought some drinks they like and food for the evening we spent in. Just felt a bit used.
FIL also came down a couple of Christmases ago, on his own since his OH passed. But for two weeks all he did was sit inside and drink. Didn't want to do anything, just watched TV, and complained. We felt so bad trying to get him to leave but it was such hard work, it didn't feel like a holiday for either of us. Last year we mentioned we were 'away visiting friends' up to the 22nd, and then my family on the 28th. Much better and I wasn't bankrupted through Stella Artois!
carreauchompeur said:
^^ good friends? I'd certainly re-evaluate that status after that debacle. Freeloading counts!
Indeed. I have had friends for the weekend where they use us as a staging post for visiting friends/relatives who live near us. We know this is what they are doing and they ask is it ok. They come back to us of an evening and we get meals etc. Usually a week or two later, some gift or other arrives from them as thanks.
ETA - if we go round for a meal we take wine or some gift, and our friends tend to do the same when they visit us. Is this not normal? If we stay, we do more (usually fighting over who gets to pay for the meal out or takeaway or whatever)..
Jasandjules said:
ETA - if we go round for a meal we take wine or some gift, and our friends tend to do the same when they visit us. Is this not normal? If we stay, we do more (usually fighting over who gets to pay for the meal out or takeaway or whatever)..
I do this even at my parents house and amongst my friends it's definitely the norm. I will not go without a bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine and prepared for a fight over paying for dinner despite always prearranging that I'm taking them out for dinner. Mum usually drives to dinner so the rest of us can drink as she can't and will still try and buy a round. Stubborn old goat.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff