Strange relationship developed. HELP!
Discussion
Long story short:
A friendship group, various ages, all have a common interest. 7/8 people, a few couples, and a few singles. I'm 23 and single and there's a 49 year old woman that is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy of 43 who is a good mate of mine and part of same group. This woman wants more than friends with benefits, days out, meals etc...
Me and her go for bike rides once a week as part of training for the coast to coast that we are doing in June. This started April time. Both really enjoy it and talk on messenger more, she explains how she loves spending time with me etc and how this chap isn't giving her what she wants and is sick of it.
We end up going for a meal out together, others were invited but didn't take us up on the offer. She invites me back to hers, shared a bottle of wine and a film. Both enjoy the evening and suggest it would be nice to do this more. Fast forward a few months and the relationship is very intimate and basically we are going out.
My 43 year old mate has an idea something is going on, he was invited to the meal but couldn't go, so knew it was only me and her, on the coast to coast we spent a lot of time together and he was suspect, he knew of the bike rides etc...
There's been a few other bits but basically, I do love her, and it's hard for me to admit that. She's twice my age. I know it can't last forever, my family doesn't know but suspect something. I have just bought a house and done barely anything to it, 99% of my time is focussed around messaging her, spending time with her or waiting for her to be not busy.
Do I just roll with it and enjoy it or bite the bullet and end it amicably before it ends in tears? Seriously confused, depressed, happy etc all in the same day... Thoughts? What's her motives? Does she feel the same as I do? It's been about 7 months now and in the last few weeks the messages have died down and we are not as intimate, I've noticed a change... HELP!!
A friendship group, various ages, all have a common interest. 7/8 people, a few couples, and a few singles. I'm 23 and single and there's a 49 year old woman that is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy of 43 who is a good mate of mine and part of same group. This woman wants more than friends with benefits, days out, meals etc...
Me and her go for bike rides once a week as part of training for the coast to coast that we are doing in June. This started April time. Both really enjoy it and talk on messenger more, she explains how she loves spending time with me etc and how this chap isn't giving her what she wants and is sick of it.
We end up going for a meal out together, others were invited but didn't take us up on the offer. She invites me back to hers, shared a bottle of wine and a film. Both enjoy the evening and suggest it would be nice to do this more. Fast forward a few months and the relationship is very intimate and basically we are going out.
My 43 year old mate has an idea something is going on, he was invited to the meal but couldn't go, so knew it was only me and her, on the coast to coast we spent a lot of time together and he was suspect, he knew of the bike rides etc...
There's been a few other bits but basically, I do love her, and it's hard for me to admit that. She's twice my age. I know it can't last forever, my family doesn't know but suspect something. I have just bought a house and done barely anything to it, 99% of my time is focussed around messaging her, spending time with her or waiting for her to be not busy.
Do I just roll with it and enjoy it or bite the bullet and end it amicably before it ends in tears? Seriously confused, depressed, happy etc all in the same day... Thoughts? What's her motives? Does she feel the same as I do? It's been about 7 months now and in the last few weeks the messages have died down and we are not as intimate, I've noticed a change... HELP!!
The thing is, there was nothing sexual for the first 4/5 months, it was just companionship. She made all the first moves and hints but I think she's used that to her advantage, and now I am captured a little by that. Can't wait for the next time etc. and maybe she has what she needed and is done?
I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
McFsC said:
The thing is, there was nothing sexual for the first 4/5 months, it was just companionship. She made all the first moves and hints but I think she's used that to her advantage, and now I am captured a little by that. Can't wait for the next time etc. and maybe she has what she needed and is done?
I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
I'd be surprised if there can be a good outcome but I'm sure there are some exceptions to the rule.I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
You'll get some stick on here and how you react will be interesting given it's a bunch of strangers on an internet forum - bit different when it's real life and a bunch people in a pub trying to work out why you're snogging your mother as rightly or wrongly people do still judge based around social norms.
Doesn't sound "strange" to me. The age gap is unusual, sure, but if you were 49 and she 23 everyone here would be saying "lucky bd" and "get in there man". What's in it for her? Well, the same as you. If she wants a physical relationship then a 23 yr old is generally going to be a better proposition than someone of 45-50 and almost certainly easier on the eye.
I thought about the bike thing, but she was married for 18 years, divorced, she didn't have an affair or nothing like that. Had a thing with this other guy but I can see why she had enough of that to be fair... I don't know. I just know it can't last forever, I'm totally aware of the situation when we're out and peoples impressions etc. It's just, will I upset her, I want to maintain our friendship group which is on the brink to be honest. My mate is ignoring calls and I can tell he's generally not happy, even though he had a chance for 3 years to do something about it if he felt this kind of love towards her.
My brain is just going a million miles an hour and I have told noone. I just needed to vent so at least thanks for that.
My brain is just going a million miles an hour and I have told noone. I just needed to vent so at least thanks for that.
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