Thai wives etc. Naïve and deluded?
Discussion
glazbagun said:
It strikes me as more one of people discussing why people go into relationships of such socioeconomic assymetry when what, presumably, makes you attractive is an asset that can be removed from you by divorce.
There has certainly been a couple of tasteless comments, but far fewer than there have been indignant accusations of racism.
It's hardly a new concept.
Excellent post, for me, race/colour/ethnicity has been completely irrelevant to the overall topic discussed. There has certainly been a couple of tasteless comments, but far fewer than there have been indignant accusations of racism.
It's hardly a new concept.
hora said:
Ironically there are a few posters who point to something that is very very rare in the UK with disportionate attention it seems. Many old men see younger women in Britain. It suddenly becomes almost childish though when it involves a female from Thailand 'etc'.
I'm sure if your mother or sister was single she might have a boyfriend that you might not approve of. How would you handle that?
Only once has someone said 'love you longtime' to my partner. She spat full on in his face. I think if your white and mix predominantly in white circles you don't understand racism and being told 'it's not racist mate etc' can wind up people who've suffered joking/conversational/casual racism even more.
Just to be absolutely clear, I abhore racism on any level.I'm sure if your mother or sister was single she might have a boyfriend that you might not approve of. How would you handle that?
Only once has someone said 'love you longtime' to my partner. She spat full on in his face. I think if your white and mix predominantly in white circles you don't understand racism and being told 'it's not racist mate etc' can wind up people who've suffered joking/conversational/casual racism even more.
Edited by hora on Sunday 30th October 20:04
I have read back over my post's, and cannot see where it could be suggested, that I have been even remotely racist
All that jazz said:
I can't be the only one that sees this as one big well orchestrated scam, surely? Marry an old English guy with a few quid, get him to build you a house, wine and dine you etc, then bide your time til he pops his clogs and you clean up with his estate and then move on to the next victim?
Wills and Kate?nammynake said:
Wills and Kate?
That seems like a high price to pay. I suspect her sister will see just as much real-world money from her banker husband and have a great deal more opportunities to spend it as she wants without having a camera shoved in her face every 2 minutes.Back OT, a former workmate got a far Eastern bride. He treated her like a slave and she never seemed to object, mates who went to see him said that she waited upon him hand and foot, without so much as a thank you, and that she expected to be treated like that. Apparently she adored the man. I since hear that it's over, after a good few years, but I suspect that the failings are more on his side than hers.
I can imagine the challenges facing the women. Moving to another country on the other side of the world, not speaking the language, losing your social network, it must be very tough. I've lived in France and I was as integrated as it's possible to be, with perfect French, but I still found it socially less interesting than life in the UK. That's without the discovery that your betrothed is housing you in a cold terrace in a grubby bit of Slough/Sheffield/South Shields and not the beautiful house you'd imagined.
My uncle (upmarket English background, emigrated to Australia) married a Thai girl a couple of years older than his daughter. This must have been about 20-25 years ago, and they are still happily married, it has been a success for both. Far more of a success than his first marriage to an English girl with a similar age and background to him.
He founded a successful engineering business, he's tall, kept his hair and his figure all his life, he's not the most out-going person but certainly wouldn't struggle to attract a wife more from his own background - the Thai bride was out of choice, not lack of options.
Like all relationships, it depends on the people involved. Everyone is different, and every relationship is different. There are some interesting stories on this thread, but it is foolish to generalise based on a few anecdotes.
He founded a successful engineering business, he's tall, kept his hair and his figure all his life, he's not the most out-going person but certainly wouldn't struggle to attract a wife more from his own background - the Thai bride was out of choice, not lack of options.
Like all relationships, it depends on the people involved. Everyone is different, and every relationship is different. There are some interesting stories on this thread, but it is foolish to generalise based on a few anecdotes.
rbgos said:
Like all relationships, it depends on the people involved. Everyone is different, and every relationship is different. There are some interesting stories on this thread, but it is foolish to generalise based on a few anecdotes.
Hear hear. Relationships are up to the individuals. We don't suffer real poverty in the West so can't really understand that financial security might be just as valid a criteria for a relationship as personality or looks in some countries. If you then add in the fact that most relationships of this type often have a big age disparity too plus the fact that Thailand and other similar countries don't really help themselves with their massive sex tourism industries and you can see why connotations of seediness are often attached to these kinds of relationships.
Do I agree with that view, not really as not every relationship is based on financial gain and even if they are, as long as both parties are happy with the arrangement then who am I to judge but other people obviously do.
I do have problems about how people can be taken in by it all though and this doesn't just apply to blokes as I've seen it happen to women too. Going in with your eyes open about the whole thing and accepting it for what it is I can understand and accept but loosing your money\job\house over stuff like this, really how naive do you have to be?
Do I agree with that view, not really as not every relationship is based on financial gain and even if they are, as long as both parties are happy with the arrangement then who am I to judge but other people obviously do.
I do have problems about how people can be taken in by it all though and this doesn't just apply to blokes as I've seen it happen to women too. Going in with your eyes open about the whole thing and accepting it for what it is I can understand and accept but loosing your money\job\house over stuff like this, really how naive do you have to be?
Countdown said:
ReaderScars said:
Moving back to the UK soon - with his wife and child - and I'm sure, All That Jazz, he's thrilled with your thinly veiled accusation of him being some sort of sex tourist/paedo.
I read that as "some sort of sex torpedo" - quite a compliment! 
battered said:
That seems like a high price to pay. I suspect her sister will see just as much real-world money from her banker husband and have a great deal more opportunities to spend it as she wants without having a camera shoved in her face every 2 minutes.
She probably gets more attention from the papps than waity katey, although she seems to actively court it so perhaps harbours the desire to be a british Karcrashian.I am typing this from my car, I am waiting for my ex neighbour Steve to sign some paperwork with regards to his newly purchased home. Steve is 77 years old, his wife is a 35 year old Filipino who is at this moment back home where she has been for 7 weeks or so.
All of their household items are on the way over, she has a healthy £10k in her pocket as well as a house in her name. He has just bought a new house for them in the UK, he has kept her for 7 years and I mean properly kept her. She hasn't had to lift a finger and gets what she wants.
She has now turned around and said she isn't coming home, probably a divorce around the corner. Steve is obviously lost and quite distraught, he is going over next month to either bring her back or call it a day.
I feel proper bad for him, she's gone from nothing and living on a mountain tending to rice fields to owning a fully furnished home and having plenty of cash. Did he really think it was forever? Yes he did unfortunately and now he's being brought back down to earth.
Can it work? I'm sure it can but I'm also sure there are some unscrupulous types who do it just for the gains.
All of their household items are on the way over, she has a healthy £10k in her pocket as well as a house in her name. He has just bought a new house for them in the UK, he has kept her for 7 years and I mean properly kept her. She hasn't had to lift a finger and gets what she wants.
She has now turned around and said she isn't coming home, probably a divorce around the corner. Steve is obviously lost and quite distraught, he is going over next month to either bring her back or call it a day.
I feel proper bad for him, she's gone from nothing and living on a mountain tending to rice fields to owning a fully furnished home and having plenty of cash. Did he really think it was forever? Yes he did unfortunately and now he's being brought back down to earth.
Can it work? I'm sure it can but I'm also sure there are some unscrupulous types who do it just for the gains.
Just caught up with this thread again. Seems like most here are in agreement that it's a recipe for disaster and will all end in tears, mostly backed up with stories of their own or close friends whom it's happened to. Would it be fair to say that those screaming "WAAAAAAAAAAACIST!" etc are the ones currently in denial that their Thai/Filipino bride are not like all the others and it won't happen to them then?
<gets ready for fresh round of abuse>
IIRC, ATJ, the abuse you got was for the way you spoke about another forum member and his family, not for being a racist t
t.
The people in this thread who have seen racist overtones appear to mostly be married to Asians of similar socioeconomic backgrounds or are East Asians themselves and are more sensitive to broad brush associations with mail order brides, etc.
t.The people in this thread who have seen racist overtones appear to mostly be married to Asians of similar socioeconomic backgrounds or are East Asians themselves and are more sensitive to broad brush associations with mail order brides, etc.
Something I am curious about. Does anyone have any actual facts/statistics?
All the 'guesses' on this thread about the amount of brides that run off with money etc simply read like a normal PH thread about standard UK marriages borne of such a deep rooted fear of women that the actual thai element is irrelevant.
Out of curiosity, are there statistics on how many of these marriages fail compared with normal domestic marriages?
Whilst it seems realistic to believe they are marriages of convenience, traditionally these kind of marriages (eg arranged marriages) do better than normal one.
All the 'guesses' on this thread about the amount of brides that run off with money etc simply read like a normal PH thread about standard UK marriages borne of such a deep rooted fear of women that the actual thai element is irrelevant.
Out of curiosity, are there statistics on how many of these marriages fail compared with normal domestic marriages?
Whilst it seems realistic to believe they are marriages of convenience, traditionally these kind of marriages (eg arranged marriages) do better than normal one.
blindswelledrat said:
Something I am curious about. Does anyone have any actual facts/statistics?
All the 'guesses' on this thread about the amount of brides that run off with money etc simply read like a normal PH thread about standard UK marriages borne of such a deep rooted fear of women that the actual thai element is irrelevant.
Out of curiosity, are there statistics on how many of these marriages fail compared with normal domestic marriages?
Whilst it seems realistic to believe they are marriages of convenience, traditionally these kind of marriages (eg arranged marriages) do better than normal one.
All the 'guesses' on this thread about the amount of brides that run off with money etc simply read like a normal PH thread about standard UK marriages borne of such a deep rooted fear of women that the actual thai element is irrelevant.
Out of curiosity, are there statistics on how many of these marriages fail compared with normal domestic marriages?
Whilst it seems realistic to believe they are marriages of convenience, traditionally these kind of marriages (eg arranged marriages) do better than normal one.
'Hello Sir...Can I ask why you divorced your 25 year old Thai wife?? Did she bleed you dry and make you look a fool??'
'f
k off you nosey 'Accurate Statistics
At the age of 77 do you still have the "will" to want a 30 yr old wife bouncing around or is it just a nice thing to have in respect of company ?
I say this, recounting a tale of an old yorkshire farmer talking to my best mate, saying at age (say) 80- the bloody "thing" finally packed in working.
It was fantastic, for the first time in my life I had the ability to think and act clearly without being driven by my trousers.
another old chap said something similar to me once "now me (w) anchor has stopped working lad, I aven't even that to entertain myself"
or does a 30 yr old thai wife keep it all in better runing order, like a well serviced car (just to keep it PH themed) than a comparable 77 year old wife would ?
I do know had I not been led by the gentlemans outfitters department for many years, I'd be an awful lot richer, but my life wouldn't have been as interesting.
I say this, recounting a tale of an old yorkshire farmer talking to my best mate, saying at age (say) 80- the bloody "thing" finally packed in working.
It was fantastic, for the first time in my life I had the ability to think and act clearly without being driven by my trousers.
another old chap said something similar to me once "now me (w) anchor has stopped working lad, I aven't even that to entertain myself"
or does a 30 yr old thai wife keep it all in better runing order, like a well serviced car (just to keep it PH themed) than a comparable 77 year old wife would ?
I do know had I not been led by the gentlemans outfitters department for many years, I'd be an awful lot richer, but my life wouldn't have been as interesting.
Mr Roper said:
'Hello Sir...Can I ask why you divorced your 25 year old Thai wife?? Did she bleed you dry and make you look a fool??'
'f
k off you nosey 'Accurate Statistics
Although you missed my point. I am not interested as to why, I am just curious as to what the proportion of marriage failures among the thai brides are compared with the proportion of failures of traditional British marriages.
lemmingjames said:
on a recent motorbike tour in Vietnam i was talking to my guide about this and how Vietnamese girls where very forthcoming in wanting to be your girlfriend etc. Then we spoke about them marrying Westerners and them leaving the country. Anyway long story short, apparently theres quite a high suicide rate amongst these wifes as they leave the country for somewhere new and dont get on with the life style etc. Then if it is known that they have married and become divorced then theyre unlikely to marry again or not to a Vietnamese man anyway. Also once they get past a certain age then again, people think that there must be something wrong with them.
It maybe different in the Westernised areas but thats the general feeling there or it was from what my guide told me.
On the other hand, went to some bar that was predominantly expat and it just seemed to attract all the Saigon hotties looking for a Westerner.
I've lived in Vietnam off and on for 10 years now , and some of it is true.It maybe different in the Westernised areas but thats the general feeling there or it was from what my guide told me.
On the other hand, went to some bar that was predominantly expat and it just seemed to attract all the Saigon hotties looking for a Westerner.
Girls over here are pretty much left on the shelf if they are not married and have kids by mid twenties.
Vietnamese men , as a rule when married, have at least one girlfriend if not several. They love to gamble and party, etc , etc.
The girls want an expat for many reasons , but of course mainly security and a different lifestyle to the normal Vietnamese way as stated above. And there is a lot of competition , so the way the girls see it , you snooze you lose. Hence the forthright approach to the expats.
Not unheard of for a divorcee not to be able to get remarried. However normally they come back with all the exes money , so don't need to worry anyway
hairyben said:
Is there that much difference between a bloke marrying a "hotter" foreign girl looking to better herself through marriage and all the middle+ class professionals with their identikit yummy mummy wifes all striving to conform to a narrow defintion of perfect?
Yep the foreign version usually ends up still being cheaper in the long run when\if it all goes pear shaped plus they usually bugger off back home so no annoying bumping into the ex and her new fella\ex's mates\social circle issues. 
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