I am getting bad vibes
Discussion
mikeveal said:
You need to get him out without her get him tipsy and convince him to get a pregnancy test. There could well be a reason she is so scared to let her meal ticket start thinking and acting for itself before it marrys her.
I can see one problem with him getting a pregnancy test
joshcowin said:
OP hope this all works out, seems like your BIL (a nice guy) has got caught up in something that is genuinely unpleasant!
To early to suggest some form of pre-nuptial agreement?
Too late. He put her name on the house when they bought it despite the fact she had only £600 to her name on a £200k house.To early to suggest some form of pre-nuptial agreement?
6 weeks to the wedding.
Cogcog said:
joshcowin said:
OP hope this all works out, seems like your BIL (a nice guy) has got caught up in something that is genuinely unpleasant!
To early to suggest some form of pre-nuptial agreement?
Too late. He put her name on the house when they bought it despite the fact she had only £600 to her name on a £200k house.To early to suggest some form of pre-nuptial agreement?
6 weeks to the wedding.
Looks like he has permission for a few hours out with me ( we used to ride our bikes twice a week in the good old day pre-relationship).
I am tempted to ask him WTF he is doing marrying her but I think that is a done deal.
But I feel obliged to say something, anything. I think he will acccept that she is controlling so that may be my best tack; advice on weaning her off the psycho 24/7 thing?
I am tempted to ask him WTF he is doing marrying her but I think that is a done deal.
But I feel obliged to say something, anything. I think he will acccept that she is controlling so that may be my best tack; advice on weaning her off the psycho 24/7 thing?
Cogcog said:
Looks like he has permission for a few hours out with me ( we used to ride our bikes twice a week in the good old day pre-relationship).
I am tempted to ask him WTF he is doing marrying her but I think that is a done deal.
But I feel obliged to say something, anything. I think he will acccept that she is controlling so that may be my best tack; advice on weaning her off the psycho 24/7 thing?
Just ask him what his back up plan is. He will obviously insist that one isn't needed but then you can look him in the eye and earnestly tell him that everyone has a back up plan and ask him again what his is. Point out that it is clear that hers is to take the house, all his accounts and then use her total access to his social reach to burn him and someone so controlling will probably go to town on the destruction. Maybe then ask him where she buried the last body. I am tempted to ask him WTF he is doing marrying her but I think that is a done deal.
But I feel obliged to say something, anything. I think he will acccept that she is controlling so that may be my best tack; advice on weaning her off the psycho 24/7 thing?
Ultimately he knows what he is doing and he knows what she is doing. The key is to get him to actually talk about it.
Maybe it's as simple as asking casually what she would do to him if he stood her up at the alter. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to start talking about the outcome of a possible scenario and they suddenly realise what an insane situation they are in.
But as someone mentioned earlier, ultimately, should the s
t hit the fan later then you are his back up plan and it sounds like he will need you and the family. Ring fencing any inheritance is good and collating all the acts of abuse, dates and times when known and being in a position to, when the timing is right, hand your brother the supporting evidence to try and escape whatever charges she has brought against him and to be able to later give him the money to start again is the best you can do. DonkeyApple said:
Just ask him what his back up plan is. He will obviously insist that one isn't needed but then you can look him in the eye and earnestly tell him that everyone has a back up plan and ask him again what his is. Point out that it is clear that hers is to take the house, all his accounts and then use her total access to his social reach to burn him and someone so controlling will probably go to town on the destruction. Maybe then ask him where she buried the last body.
Ultimately he knows what he is doing and he knows what she is doing. The key is to get him to actually talk about it.
Maybe it's as simple as asking casually what she would do to him if he stood her up at the alter. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to start talking about the outcome of a possible scenario and they suddenly realise what an insane situation they are in.
But as someone mentioned earlier, ultimately, should the st hit the fan later then you are his back up plan and it sounds like he will need you and the family. Ring fencing any inheritance is good and collating all the acts of abuse, dates and times when known and being in a position to, when the timing is right, hand your brother the supporting evidence to try and escape whatever charges she has brought against him and to be able to later give him the money to start again is the best you can do.
This - let him know that if things ever go wrong you will be there, lets him know there is an escape should he need it. However its his life, so let him get on with it in the meantime.Ultimately he knows what he is doing and he knows what she is doing. The key is to get him to actually talk about it.
Maybe it's as simple as asking casually what she would do to him if he stood her up at the alter. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to start talking about the outcome of a possible scenario and they suddenly realise what an insane situation they are in.
But as someone mentioned earlier, ultimately, should the s
t hit the fan later then you are his back up plan and it sounds like he will need you and the family. Ring fencing any inheritance is good and collating all the acts of abuse, dates and times when known and being in a position to, when the timing is right, hand your brother the supporting evidence to try and escape whatever charges she has brought against him and to be able to later give him the money to start again is the best you can do. Just over 2 weeks until the day now.
Drama after drama after drama.
Cut a long story short, he is off sick from work with stress. Just about every public service have been involved; social workers, schools, cops, A&E, lawyers.
We havent seen him alone now for 18 months. He has spent less than 4 hours here this year (used to come weekly for a few hours).
Topped it all yesterday when he complained ( I suspect at her behest) that father in law had not given the woman's 13 year old son money for his birthday, (as he had given the daughter £50 when she conveniently visited to us to 'use the toilet' on her birthday and our 82 year old father suddenly started throwing cash at her). My wife did point out that FiL wasnt telepathic and had no idea of whne the lads boirthdat was, and had a lot on his mind ( he lost his little dog/best friend 4 weeks ago).
In 18 months he has gone from being a laid back cool dude with a wide circle of friends in a professional job and cash to burn, to seriously talking about living on income support. And you can't say a word to him about her. Tragic.
Joint hen/stag night next weekend.
Drama after drama after drama.
Cut a long story short, he is off sick from work with stress. Just about every public service have been involved; social workers, schools, cops, A&E, lawyers.
We havent seen him alone now for 18 months. He has spent less than 4 hours here this year (used to come weekly for a few hours).
Topped it all yesterday when he complained ( I suspect at her behest) that father in law had not given the woman's 13 year old son money for his birthday, (as he had given the daughter £50 when she conveniently visited to us to 'use the toilet' on her birthday and our 82 year old father suddenly started throwing cash at her). My wife did point out that FiL wasnt telepathic and had no idea of whne the lads boirthdat was, and had a lot on his mind ( he lost his little dog/best friend 4 weeks ago).
In 18 months he has gone from being a laid back cool dude with a wide circle of friends in a professional job and cash to burn, to seriously talking about living on income support. And you can't say a word to him about her. Tragic.
Joint hen/stag night next weekend.
Chainsaw Rebuild said:
I don't know how you go about derailing a wedding, but he clearly needs rescuing.
Right about the time the vicar says "If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace." you need to get up and cause a soap opera-style scene. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff