I am getting bad vibes
Discussion
Number 2 for sure.
My dad had a 'funny' period (probably linked to some kind of mid-life crisis) where he met a woman and within a couple of months he'd completely vanished from everyone's radar. He completely disowned his family, and very disturbingly my brother, my gran and my aunt all called him up at various points and he would act like he had no idea who they were, it was as if he'd contracted alzheimer's or something.
After about two years (I think) he reappeared having left this woman, and had a lot of bridges to build as a result. Many years later I've still not really talked to him about that incident, but I just can't fathom what kind of woman will force you to disown your family and friends and even pretend to not know them if they make contact.
My dad had a 'funny' period (probably linked to some kind of mid-life crisis) where he met a woman and within a couple of months he'd completely vanished from everyone's radar. He completely disowned his family, and very disturbingly my brother, my gran and my aunt all called him up at various points and he would act like he had no idea who they were, it was as if he'd contracted alzheimer's or something.
After about two years (I think) he reappeared having left this woman, and had a lot of bridges to build as a result. Many years later I've still not really talked to him about that incident, but I just can't fathom what kind of woman will force you to disown your family and friends and even pretend to not know them if they make contact.
So he's got £115,000 off everyone in total and put her name on the mortgage despite her not contributing. Plus I'd imagine he'll have more money than that to go into the pot. Once the kid's mobile and talking I foresee her cashing up and kicking him out. So in 3-4 years.
Very generous of you and your dad to give them the money though. It is good to help family but you'd expect them to show a bit more gratitude by staying for a bit and maybe taking you out for dinner sometimes. Did they get either of you a thank you gift?
Very generous of you and your dad to give them the money though. It is good to help family but you'd expect them to show a bit more gratitude by staying for a bit and maybe taking you out for dinner sometimes. Did they get either of you a thank you gift?
DonkeyApple said:
Being totally brutal, you need to look after yourself and your family. You made him a personal loan, he has manifestly changed the terms of that loan without your consent by conducting a deal that sees 50% of his assets (what you have lent against) now being under the control of a third party.
Don't concern yourself over any of the other details as it's all his life to live but you want to be only focussed on your £35k and the new reality that there is now a very significant likelihood that you won't be seeing it again and that it will cause a huge rift between your family and your wife's.
As an absolute priority you want a legal lien on his property ASAP to protect your money so that if his finances suddenly deteriorate you are legally inline for a return of the loan upon the forced sale of the property. At the same time, formalise the legal terms of the repayment schedule and terms.
In short, your loan has been manifestly changed from a family affair into a pure business transaction by his actions. He needs to be made to understand that he had no right to actually do what he has done without protecting and ring fencing his creditors first. His creditworthiness has just crashed enormously.
What formal documentation do you currently have to cover the terms of the £35?
This is the most important thing to you, OP. Claw back as much of that money as you can. If he wants to write himself off, he's an adult and can do what he wants.Don't concern yourself over any of the other details as it's all his life to live but you want to be only focussed on your £35k and the new reality that there is now a very significant likelihood that you won't be seeing it again and that it will cause a huge rift between your family and your wife's.
As an absolute priority you want a legal lien on his property ASAP to protect your money so that if his finances suddenly deteriorate you are legally inline for a return of the loan upon the forced sale of the property. At the same time, formalise the legal terms of the repayment schedule and terms.
In short, your loan has been manifestly changed from a family affair into a pure business transaction by his actions. He needs to be made to understand that he had no right to actually do what he has done without protecting and ring fencing his creditors first. His creditworthiness has just crashed enormously.
What formal documentation do you currently have to cover the terms of the £35?
Jimmy Recard said:
This is the most important thing to you, OP. Claw back as much of that money as you can. If he wants to write himself off, he's an adult and can do what he wants.
It can also be pointed out to the BiL that by doing this, if it all goes wrong and he is left without a home and no money then at least his real family will not only be there to help but also have the money he will need to get back on his feet. If in the event the relationship doesn't work out then he will have not just financially crippled himself but also his real family simultaneously. He should legally protect the OP and his father if only for his own selfish protection. 
steveo3002 said:
i predict next they will be sniffing around your dad to change the will and /or advance hand outs
do well to stay away i reckon
He is entitled to half of his Dad's money when he passes, some of which is on my house so the £35k is part of that capital. He has had £115k now so there is about £60K left in his half of the estate. We have agreed that Dad in law will change his will before they marry leaving it all to my wife, and that then we have a bit of capital up our sleeve for him if it goes tits up. Brother in law doesnt know this yet as we have been cautious about suggesting this may not work. He is extra vulnerable as she has a disability so it it goes tits up with her having 3 kids, he will be living in a tent as she will get the house (no mortgage). do well to stay away i reckon
MK4 Slowride said:
So he's got £115,000 off everyone in total and put her name on the mortgage despite her not contributing. Plus I'd imagine he'll have more money than that to go into the pot. Once the kid's mobile and talking I foresee her cashing up and kicking him out. So in 3-4 years.
Very generous of you and your dad to give them the money though. It is good to help family but you'd expect them to show a bit more gratitude by staying for a bit and maybe taking you out for dinner sometimes. Did they get either of you a thank you gift?
Didn't even get a Thank You, despite knowing that the £35k had put us back with a small mortgage).Very generous of you and your dad to give them the money though. It is good to help family but you'd expect them to show a bit more gratitude by staying for a bit and maybe taking you out for dinner sometimes. Did they get either of you a thank you gift?
DonkeyApple said:
It can also be pointed out to the BiL that by doing this, if it all goes wrong and he is left without a home and no money then at least his real family will not only be there to help but also have the money he will need to get back on his feet. If in the event the relationship doesn't work out then he will have not just financially crippled himself but also his real family simultaneously. He should legally protect the OP and his father if only for his own selfish protection.
We had a discussion amongst ourselves but concluded that as he was making the decision to put her on the house deeds without any prompting, was marrying her and seemed madly in love, he may not take kindly to us paintinhg her as a potential gold digger. We did no and see a solicitor and finnacial adviser who suggested transferring assets into trust Father in law ignored it and transfered the money. Blood is thicker than financial sense.Cogcog said:
We had a discussion amongst ourselves but concluded that as he was making the decision to put her on the house deeds without any prompting, was marrying her and seemed madly in love, he may not take kindly to us painting her as a potential gold digger .
We did go and see a solicitor and financial adviser who suggested transferring assets into trust.
Father in law ignored it and transferred the money. Blood is thicker than financial sense.
We did go and see a solicitor and financial adviser who suggested transferring assets into trust.
Father in law ignored it and transferred the money. Blood is thicker than financial sense.
She certainly appears to have potential. berlintaxi said:
Hardly sounds like she is after him for his money if he is borrowing from everyman and his dog.
Far from it if I understand the situation correctly. I would suggest she has found the golden ticket, someone who is due a substantial inheritance who has the ability to access that inheritance prior to his dad dying. The only person who is now borrowing is the OP who has had to fund the 35k he passed on the the BIL via a mortgage.Must add, hats off to OP for the way he's dealt with the situation.
straight dad said:
berlintaxi said:
Hardly sounds like she is after him for his money if he is borrowing from everyman and his dog.
Far from it if I understand the situation correctly. I would suggest she has found the golden ticket, someone who is due a substantial inheritance who has the ability to access that inheritance prior to his dad dying. The only person who is now borrowing is the OP who has had to fund the 35k he passed on the the BIL via a mortgage.Must add, hats off to OP for the way he's dealt with the situation.
She will be preparing to cash out at some point and what better way to ensure that is maxed out than to get as much of the inheritance within reach as possible, beforehand.
The more cash and assets that are already on the table when they marry, the better. That way if they split before the inheritance comes along she gas already got herself some of that.
straight dad said:
berlintaxi said:
Hardly sounds like she is after him for his money if he is borrowing from everyman and his dog.
Far from it if I understand the situation correctly. I would suggest she has found the golden ticket, someone who is due a substantial inheritance who has the ability to access that inheritance prior to his dad dying. The only person who is now borrowing is the OP who has had to fund the 35k he passed on the the BIL via a mortgage.Must add, hats off to OP for the way he's dealt with the situation.
berlintaxi said:
No idea where it says the OP mortgaged to raise the £35K, also he states his BIL intends to borrow to pay for the wedding, doesn't read to me like he is rolling in cash.
We have an offset mortgage, we had been in the black with it has with the FiL's cash we were completely offset, without it and the £35k we are back in the red and paying interest.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff