I am getting bad vibes
Discussion
Your BIL has a decent BIL.
It sound's like a familiar situation that I encountered when a friend left his wife.
Its funny how the incoming woman, in my friends case, seem so insecure that they make their new partner cut all ties form their past and particularly those friends who new him and his previous wife.
Unfortunately for your brother, it seems that she is having him cut all ties to gain maximum control over him.
Some people should be drowned at birth.
It sound's like a familiar situation that I encountered when a friend left his wife.
Its funny how the incoming woman, in my friends case, seem so insecure that they make their new partner cut all ties form their past and particularly those friends who new him and his previous wife.
Unfortunately for your brother, it seems that she is having him cut all ties to gain maximum control over him.
Some people should be drowned at birth.
poo at Paul's said:
Hate to say it, but as you have shown support over all this, he knows when it all goes tits up he can come and be your problem. You need to practice a bit of tough love IMO and tell him IF he is so f
king stupid to marry this gold digger, he is on his fking own.
Tell him he is mental, remind him of his life before, tell him it is not too late and if he doesn't man up and leave the cow, he is fked.
He's fked anyway, but whilst she is there, she will drain him from every orifice, and I don't mean that in a good way. At least now he is only in for about 150k.
...........!!! king stupid to marry this gold digger, he is on his fking own. Tell him he is mental, remind him of his life before, tell him it is not too late and if he doesn't man up and leave the cow, he is f
ked. He's f
ked anyway, but whilst she is there, she will drain him from every orifice, and I don't mean that in a good way. At least now he is only in for about 150k.Tell him he is on his Jack Jones, she's a mentalist as whilst there are others like you to bail him out, she will keep in with him. Once he is f
ked and has nothing left, she will fk off to some other poor cuck.I read this at lunchtime but only able to respond now. Yes this is a st situation etc etc.
Things will only get worse. The upside is you have the opportunity to start taking action.
Firstly, time to get inside her head. Women like her are what I personally term 'predatory vampires'. Yep, vampires. Vampires are not the preserve of fiction or hammer horror movies starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. They exist, and always have done. Vampires are people who literally drain you of your energy. The whole blood sucking thing came about in the 14th century, when apothecaries realised if you bled too much, you became weak. Ergo vampires suck your blood.
Some vampires are passive, simply people you find draining and don't want to hang around. The predatory vampires are people who latch on to a host and will suck them dry. In a real world situation, akin to a host/parasite relationship. These don't end well. Ever.
The predatory ones are control freaks. Not a normal control freak. Like any parasitic organism they must control their host to remain viable. If you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. When together, does she use leading phrases like "....and that's why you love me honey, isn't it?" or other emotionally manipulative phrases like are you happy you've made me cry? or if you love me you'd....[insert outrageous task here].
Now for BIL. If you've ever ventured in to NP&E, Dunning-Kruger is often mentioned when someone is losing an internet argument. People think they're smarter than they really are. Consequently, if they've been duped, conned, swindled or defrauded, the default reaction is denial as acceptance of victimisation is affirmation that to have been conned, is in some way congruous to not being as smart as one thought.
In short, admitting to yourself you've been conned is almost admitting to yourself that you're not as smart as you thought, and realisation of that is admission of personal deficiency.
That's why fraudsters get away with it, not because they don't get caught but because victims prefer to remain in denial they have been conned. BIL will refuse to admit to himself or anyone that he's made a mistake.
Solutions
Best to keep it legal, but a stake through the heart is top of my recommendations. Up to you what to do, but this is what I'd do.
Go and speak to bridesmaid and start asking questions. Dig some dirt, and explain whats going on. Get some tangible evidence of who she's done this to before. Actual names.
Then let it be known to her that bridesmaid has been totally slagging her off, and made ghastly accusations. Reveal the evidence, and then say 'it's easy to find this out, I'll prove the bridesmaid is a liar and call her out on this.
There are two things the predatory vampire fear the most. One is being found out. The other is losing control of a situation. Here, you've engineered a situation where she has no control, and is likely to be found out. Her next move will be (guaranteed) to try any means necessary to prevent you digging in to her past. That will happen almost straight away.
Once that fails, she will attempt to regain control of the situation using any means possible.This is where you need to be wary. If she thinks she's about to have her world crashing down, she will do anything, and I mean anything, to retain control. This in itself will result in her losing control, and thus precipitating a self fulfilling prophecy. Consumed by her own lies, control and fears.
The bridesmaid has revealed aspects of her past she wants kept hidden, you're about to investigate and discover the truths, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. You don't have to undertake the task, just make her think you are.
Then sit back and watch things unravel. But for gods sake watch your back, if she's as much of a nutter as I suspect, it might surprise you as to the extremes she will go to retain control of the host.
Good luck.
t situation etc etc.Things will only get worse. The upside is you have the opportunity to start taking action.
Firstly, time to get inside her head. Women like her are what I personally term 'predatory vampires'. Yep, vampires. Vampires are not the preserve of fiction or hammer horror movies starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. They exist, and always have done. Vampires are people who literally drain you of your energy. The whole blood sucking thing came about in the 14th century, when apothecaries realised if you bled too much, you became weak. Ergo vampires suck your blood.
Some vampires are passive, simply people you find draining and don't want to hang around. The predatory vampires are people who latch on to a host and will suck them dry. In a real world situation, akin to a host/parasite relationship. These don't end well. Ever.
The predatory ones are control freaks. Not a normal control freak. Like any parasitic organism they must control their host to remain viable. If you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. When together, does she use leading phrases like "....and that's why you love me honey, isn't it?" or other emotionally manipulative phrases like are you happy you've made me cry? or if you love me you'd....[insert outrageous task here].
Now for BIL. If you've ever ventured in to NP&E, Dunning-Kruger is often mentioned when someone is losing an internet argument. People think they're smarter than they really are. Consequently, if they've been duped, conned, swindled or defrauded, the default reaction is denial as acceptance of victimisation is affirmation that to have been conned, is in some way congruous to not being as smart as one thought.
In short, admitting to yourself you've been conned is almost admitting to yourself that you're not as smart as you thought, and realisation of that is admission of personal deficiency.
That's why fraudsters get away with it, not because they don't get caught but because victims prefer to remain in denial they have been conned. BIL will refuse to admit to himself or anyone that he's made a mistake.
Solutions
Best to keep it legal, but a stake through the heart is top of my recommendations. Up to you what to do, but this is what I'd do.
Go and speak to bridesmaid and start asking questions. Dig some dirt, and explain whats going on. Get some tangible evidence of who she's done this to before. Actual names.
Then let it be known to her that bridesmaid has been totally slagging her off, and made ghastly accusations. Reveal the evidence, and then say 'it's easy to find this out, I'll prove the bridesmaid is a liar and call her out on this.
There are two things the predatory vampire fear the most. One is being found out. The other is losing control of a situation. Here, you've engineered a situation where she has no control, and is likely to be found out. Her next move will be (guaranteed) to try any means necessary to prevent you digging in to her past. That will happen almost straight away.
Once that fails, she will attempt to regain control of the situation using any means possible.This is where you need to be wary. If she thinks she's about to have her world crashing down, she will do anything, and I mean anything, to retain control. This in itself will result in her losing control, and thus precipitating a self fulfilling prophecy. Consumed by her own lies, control and fears.
The bridesmaid has revealed aspects of her past she wants kept hidden, you're about to investigate and discover the truths, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. You don't have to undertake the task, just make her think you are.
Then sit back and watch things unravel. But for gods sake watch your back, if she's as much of a nutter as I suspect, it might surprise you as to the extremes she will go to retain control of the host.
Good luck.
Cogcog said:
Update:
He really is f*cked.
He really is f*cked.
Cogcog said:
She is basically a lady of 'loose morals' and a benefits cheat.
Have her morals been 'loose' since the marriage?Cogcog said:
He has now taken his pension and is living on that and on benefits. She is busily spending the lump sum from his pension on furniture, a Mercedes, holidays and makeovers. He is basically mother and father to the kids while she does feck all but take selfies.
pwn3d Cogcog said:
I am preparing the spare room for when the money runs out.
You're a good man. It's a shame as we could all see this situation a mile off. Wiccan of Darkness said:
I read this at lunchtime but only able to respond now. Yes this is a st situation etc etc.
Things will only get worse. The upside is you have the opportunity to start taking action.
Firstly, time to get inside her head. Women like her are what I personally term 'predatory vampires'. Yep, vampires. Vampires are not the preserve of fiction or hammer horror movies starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. They exist, and always have done. Vampires are people who literally drain you of your energy. The whole blood sucking thing came about in the 14th century, when apothecaries realised if you bled too much, you became weak. Ergo vampires suck your blood.
Some vampires are passive, simply people you find draining and don't want to hang around. The predatory vampires are people who latch on to a host and will suck them dry. In a real world situation, akin to a host/parasite relationship. These don't end well. Ever.
The predatory ones are control freaks. Not a normal control freak. Like any parasitic organism they must control their host to remain viable. If you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. When together, does she use leading phrases like "....and that's why you love me honey, isn't it?" or other emotionally manipulative phrases like are you happy you've made me cry? or if you love me you'd....[insert outrageous task here].
Now for BIL. If you've ever ventured in to NP&E, Dunning-Kruger is often mentioned when someone is losing an internet argument. People think they're smarter than they really are. Consequently, if they've been duped, conned, swindled or defrauded, the default reaction is denial as acceptance of victimisation is affirmation that to have been conned, is in some way congruous to not being as smart as one thought.
In short, admitting to yourself you've been conned is almost admitting to yourself that you're not as smart as you thought, and realisation of that is admission of personal deficiency.
That's why fraudsters get away with it, not because they don't get caught but because victims prefer to remain in denial they have been conned. BIL will refuse to admit to himself or anyone that he's made a mistake.
Solutions
Best to keep it legal, but a stake through the heart is top of my recommendations. Up to you what to do, but this is what I'd do.
Go and speak to bridesmaid and start asking questions. Dig some dirt, and explain whats going on. Get some tangible evidence of who she's done this to before. Actual names.
Then let it be known to her that bridesmaid has been totally slagging her off, and made ghastly accusations. Reveal the evidence, and then say 'it's easy to find this out, I'll prove the bridesmaid is a liar and call her out on this.
There are two things the predatory vampire fear the most. One is being found out. The other is losing control of a situation. Here, you've engineered a situation where she has no control, and is likely to be found out. Her next move will be (guaranteed) to try any means necessary to prevent you digging in to her past. That will happen almost straight away.
Once that fails, she will attempt to regain control of the situation using any means possible.This is where you need to be wary. If she thinks she's about to have her world crashing down, she will do anything, and I mean anything, to retain control. This in itself will result in her losing control, and thus precipitating a self fulfilling prophecy. Consumed by her own lies, control and fears.
The bridesmaid has revealed aspects of her past she wants kept hidden, you're about to investigate and discover the truths, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. You don't have to undertake the task, just make her think you are.
Then sit back and watch things unravel. But for gods sake watch your back, if she's as much of a nutter as I suspect, it might surprise you as to the extremes she will go to retain control of the host.
Good luck.
This looks like good advice. I would certainly be looking to giving her enough rope.t situation etc etc.Things will only get worse. The upside is you have the opportunity to start taking action.
Firstly, time to get inside her head. Women like her are what I personally term 'predatory vampires'. Yep, vampires. Vampires are not the preserve of fiction or hammer horror movies starring Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. They exist, and always have done. Vampires are people who literally drain you of your energy. The whole blood sucking thing came about in the 14th century, when apothecaries realised if you bled too much, you became weak. Ergo vampires suck your blood.
Some vampires are passive, simply people you find draining and don't want to hang around. The predatory vampires are people who latch on to a host and will suck them dry. In a real world situation, akin to a host/parasite relationship. These don't end well. Ever.
The predatory ones are control freaks. Not a normal control freak. Like any parasitic organism they must control their host to remain viable. If you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. When together, does she use leading phrases like "....and that's why you love me honey, isn't it?" or other emotionally manipulative phrases like are you happy you've made me cry? or if you love me you'd....[insert outrageous task here].
Now for BIL. If you've ever ventured in to NP&E, Dunning-Kruger is often mentioned when someone is losing an internet argument. People think they're smarter than they really are. Consequently, if they've been duped, conned, swindled or defrauded, the default reaction is denial as acceptance of victimisation is affirmation that to have been conned, is in some way congruous to not being as smart as one thought.
In short, admitting to yourself you've been conned is almost admitting to yourself that you're not as smart as you thought, and realisation of that is admission of personal deficiency.
That's why fraudsters get away with it, not because they don't get caught but because victims prefer to remain in denial they have been conned. BIL will refuse to admit to himself or anyone that he's made a mistake.
Solutions
Best to keep it legal, but a stake through the heart is top of my recommendations. Up to you what to do, but this is what I'd do.
Go and speak to bridesmaid and start asking questions. Dig some dirt, and explain whats going on. Get some tangible evidence of who she's done this to before. Actual names.
Then let it be known to her that bridesmaid has been totally slagging her off, and made ghastly accusations. Reveal the evidence, and then say 'it's easy to find this out, I'll prove the bridesmaid is a liar and call her out on this.
There are two things the predatory vampire fear the most. One is being found out. The other is losing control of a situation. Here, you've engineered a situation where she has no control, and is likely to be found out. Her next move will be (guaranteed) to try any means necessary to prevent you digging in to her past. That will happen almost straight away.
Once that fails, she will attempt to regain control of the situation using any means possible.This is where you need to be wary. If she thinks she's about to have her world crashing down, she will do anything, and I mean anything, to retain control. This in itself will result in her losing control, and thus precipitating a self fulfilling prophecy. Consumed by her own lies, control and fears.
The bridesmaid has revealed aspects of her past she wants kept hidden, you're about to investigate and discover the truths, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. You don't have to undertake the task, just make her think you are.
Then sit back and watch things unravel. But for gods sake watch your back, if she's as much of a nutter as I suspect, it might surprise you as to the extremes she will go to retain control of the host.
Good luck.
garyhun said:
OP, how has he taken his pension? He was 50 in the opening post so can only be 52/53 now.
.Yes he was 55 last month (public sector pension scheme). Also took the max permissable cash chunk of his additional voluntary pension.
Actually they came today for 25 mins, for the 2nd time this year (I suspect hoping for Easter eggs for the kids). She barely spoke. He even answered her question on if she wanted a cup of tea, and wanted to take her with him when I took him upstairs to show him the office revamp, as I think we was nervous about me grilling him. Spent all of 5 seconds in the office before going back downstairs to her. They have just spent money fitting CCTV and alarms. I am not sure if it is part of her 'I cannot be left alone' plan . She makes wild allegations against the former husband being some wild stalker which the bridesmaid says are rubbish and there has been no sign of him anyway fr 2 years.
Cogcog said:
garyhun said:
OP, how has he taken his pension? He was 50 in the opening post so can only be 52/53 now.
.Yes he was 55 last month (public sector pension scheme). Also took the max permissable cash chunk of his additional voluntary pension.
Actually they came today for 25 mins, for the 2nd time this year (I suspect hoping for Easter eggs for the kids). She barely spoke. He even answered her question on if she wanted a cup of tea, and wanted to take her with him when I took him upstairs to show him the office revamp, as I think we was nervous about me grilling him. Spent all of 5 seconds in the office before going back downstairs to her. They have just spent money fitting CCTV and alarms. I am not sure if it is part of her 'I cannot be left alone' plan . She makes wild allegations against the former husband being some wild stalker which the bridesmaid says are rubbish and there has been no sign of him anyway fr 2 years.
Jesus H Christ, what a clusterf**k.
In the course of my lifetime I've had 2 friends and a work colleague fall under the charms of a vampire just like this one. The situations are always the same - they're joined at the hip 24/7, he loses friends and becomes increasingly isolated, she is usually prone to spending his money as often as she loses her temper, a baby and/or wedding will arrive to ensure legal precedents are in place to get the house & money later, etc etc.
None of that stuff shocks me as it's almost a cliche now, we've all seen these situations before.
What shocks me is how a seemingly well adjusted male who's been on this Earth 50 years and has (I assume) accumulated a certain amount of life experience, wisdom, knowledge and wealth ............................... can suddenly transform into a doormat for someone like this. Does the little head really take over the big head that much? Or was he lacking something in life that she somehow fulfils?
Sadly, the only thing I can say with any certainty about these situations is that the guy rarely escapes until it's too late- and he's been drained not just of wealth, but happiness, motivation, confidence and his mojo. When my work colleague's situation was at its worst, there were a few times he didn't even want to go home at the end of the day. And a few times he randomly burst into tears in work. We tried our best to advise him but unfortunately no amount of telling him "just leave!" would ever get through to him until he was broken.
In the course of my lifetime I've had 2 friends and a work colleague fall under the charms of a vampire just like this one. The situations are always the same - they're joined at the hip 24/7, he loses friends and becomes increasingly isolated, she is usually prone to spending his money as often as she loses her temper, a baby and/or wedding will arrive to ensure legal precedents are in place to get the house & money later, etc etc.
None of that stuff shocks me as it's almost a cliche now, we've all seen these situations before.
What shocks me is how a seemingly well adjusted male who's been on this Earth 50 years and has (I assume) accumulated a certain amount of life experience, wisdom, knowledge and wealth ............................... can suddenly transform into a doormat for someone like this. Does the little head really take over the big head that much? Or was he lacking something in life that she somehow fulfils?
Sadly, the only thing I can say with any certainty about these situations is that the guy rarely escapes until it's too late- and he's been drained not just of wealth, but happiness, motivation, confidence and his mojo. When my work colleague's situation was at its worst, there were a few times he didn't even want to go home at the end of the day. And a few times he randomly burst into tears in work. We tried our best to advise him but unfortunately no amount of telling him "just leave!" would ever get through to him until he was broken.
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