Relationship ramble...any input?
Discussion
I've been in similar situations twice. One was simply down to wrong place, wrong time. We were both at different points in our lives and our paths separated too much. We were both very upset but actually stayed friends. Many years later, we're still good friends and we were at each other's weddings. In fact, I owe my marriage partly to her advice, and in addition, when my own stepfather was being a complete and utter w
ker around my wedding and had also convinced my mother to do his bidding, I asked her parents if they would be my surrogate parents if I didn't have any parents turn up on the day (my dad died when I was 7 so he was never going to be there).
The other was a bit more similar to your current story. We'd been seeing each other for a while, moving in together etc., and as I was carrying her suitcases up to my place whilst she was moving in, she gave me pretty much the same story as you've had. I took it really hard but was making good progress after a few months. In fact, I had just had a couple of dates with my now wife, when I bumped into the immediate past ex. She then kept calling me over the following couple of days, told me she still loved me wanted to get back together etc., and I became an emotional wreck. Nothing physical happened but we made plans to see each other on Friday and spend the weekend together, to see if itwould work again. I called up my date and was totally honest with her - mainly that I was feeling very confused and needed some time. Friday came, and the ex was nowhere to be seen. No contact, not answering her phone or the door, not replying to texts, nothing. Eventually she sent a text on that Sunday night to say she'd changed her mind and didn't want to get back together anymore. When I read that, something inside me snapped; it really was a most bizarre feeling but I suddenly realised I was being played for a fool and vowed never to fall into that trap again. I called who is now Mrs QQ and told her everything; luckily there had been nothing physical with the psycho hose beast so it wasn't difficult to get things back on track. Funnily enough, I ran into the PHB again a few months later (we did use to work in the same hospital so it wasn't that strange to be honest) and she tried to pull the same stunt. When I told her to get lost, it seemed to make her even more determined to get me back. She kept bombarding me with texts which I never replied to apart from the occasional "no" and showed all of them to Mrs QQ. Eventually the PHB gave up and then I found out from a few others that she was an even worse bunny boiler than I could've imagined. Needless to say, I didn't maintain any kind of contact with her and deleted everything to do with her from my life. What I will say though, is that she used very, very similar lines, including the childhood crap, to your now ex. I have a feeling that the similarities don't end there.
I sincerely hope that you pull through the agony without too much hurt. Go out, have fun, live your life, do a bit of bed hopping if you can; and I sincerely hope that you meet the right woman soon. For what it's worth, Mrs QQ and I have now been together for 9 years, been married for 6, and I couldn't be happier.
ker around my wedding and had also convinced my mother to do his bidding, I asked her parents if they would be my surrogate parents if I didn't have any parents turn up on the day (my dad died when I was 7 so he was never going to be there).The other was a bit more similar to your current story. We'd been seeing each other for a while, moving in together etc., and as I was carrying her suitcases up to my place whilst she was moving in, she gave me pretty much the same story as you've had. I took it really hard but was making good progress after a few months. In fact, I had just had a couple of dates with my now wife, when I bumped into the immediate past ex. She then kept calling me over the following couple of days, told me she still loved me wanted to get back together etc., and I became an emotional wreck. Nothing physical happened but we made plans to see each other on Friday and spend the weekend together, to see if itwould work again. I called up my date and was totally honest with her - mainly that I was feeling very confused and needed some time. Friday came, and the ex was nowhere to be seen. No contact, not answering her phone or the door, not replying to texts, nothing. Eventually she sent a text on that Sunday night to say she'd changed her mind and didn't want to get back together anymore. When I read that, something inside me snapped; it really was a most bizarre feeling but I suddenly realised I was being played for a fool and vowed never to fall into that trap again. I called who is now Mrs QQ and told her everything; luckily there had been nothing physical with the psycho hose beast so it wasn't difficult to get things back on track. Funnily enough, I ran into the PHB again a few months later (we did use to work in the same hospital so it wasn't that strange to be honest) and she tried to pull the same stunt. When I told her to get lost, it seemed to make her even more determined to get me back. She kept bombarding me with texts which I never replied to apart from the occasional "no" and showed all of them to Mrs QQ. Eventually the PHB gave up and then I found out from a few others that she was an even worse bunny boiler than I could've imagined. Needless to say, I didn't maintain any kind of contact with her and deleted everything to do with her from my life. What I will say though, is that she used very, very similar lines, including the childhood crap, to your now ex. I have a feeling that the similarities don't end there.
I sincerely hope that you pull through the agony without too much hurt. Go out, have fun, live your life, do a bit of bed hopping if you can; and I sincerely hope that you meet the right woman soon. For what it's worth, Mrs QQ and I have now been together for 9 years, been married for 6, and I couldn't be happier.
Rich_W said:
Have you deleted Facebook/Instagram/WhatsApp/phone number etc yet?
It's properly tough to do that, but you need to.
This x 100.It's properly tough to do that, but you need to.
After a failed rekindled romance with an ex the hardest part was deleting email addresses, phone numbers etc. I knew I had to do it though. Once it was done the sense of liberation was great.
They do say you can never go back and it's true, so rid yourself of any and all temptation
DrSteveBrule said:
This x 100.
After a failed rekindled romance with an ex the hardest part was deleting email addresses, phone numbers etc. I knew I had to do it though. Once it was done the sense of liberation was great.
They do say you can never go back and it's true, so rid yourself of any and all temptation
we are seeing each other on the 21st to do xmas presents (which we had both already bought each other), and for her to get the rest of her stuff from my place.After a failed rekindled romance with an ex the hardest part was deleting email addresses, phone numbers etc. I knew I had to do it though. Once it was done the sense of liberation was great.
They do say you can never go back and it's true, so rid yourself of any and all temptation
This two week zero contact gap should be enough to cement in her mind whether she wants to walk away for good, or address the things that caused her to press the self destruct button.
It'll give us a pretty clear idea of where we both stand, and if done is done, i'll be surgically removing her from my digital life in short order.
All that jazz said:
You'll be back in bed. Then the "it's not you, it's me, I'm so confused" will follow and you'll give her one last chance to see if it works and the merry-go-round continues.
Sad to say, it looks like that's what will happen.She sounds like she's had her head turned while away on tour, if not by actually doing anything then by imagining what she could have done if not tied down by the bloke waiting back at home.
'One last time' meetings seldom are.
Mark Benson said:
Sad to say, it looks like that's what will happen.
She sounds like she's had her head turned while away on tour, if not by actually doing anything then by imagining what she could have done if not tied down by the bloke waiting back at home.
'One last time' meetings seldom are.
Like I say, I would need something pretty concrete from her...if I'm honest I can't see it happening, she's not got the greatest track record at facing her demons.She sounds like she's had her head turned while away on tour, if not by actually doing anything then by imagining what she could have done if not tied down by the bloke waiting back at home.
'One last time' meetings seldom are.
Certainly not going to get drawn into any pseudo relationship or casual arrangements...i haven't got the patience for that, could get it on tinder without all the emotional baggage.
And if it all does come out in the wash that she had a thing with one of the guys on tour, it would actually make it a lot easier for me to move on.
As i've stated before, i have my doubts about this being the case...all of her reasons for running are stemming from fear of commitment, i'm not getting that telltale whiff of guilt in the slightest.
As i've stated before, i have my doubts about this being the case...all of her reasons for running are stemming from fear of commitment, i'm not getting that telltale whiff of guilt in the slightest.
designforlife said:
Like I say, I would need something pretty concrete from her...if I'm honest I can't see it happening, she's not got the greatest track record at facing her demons.
Certainly not going to get drawn into any pseudo relationship or casual arrangements...i haven't got the patience for that, could get it on tinder without all the emotional baggage.
If you are truly able to switch your feelings and emotions on and off just like that then you have my respect! You'd be the only person I know that can. Easy to say but the reality is usually somewhat different especially when they're stood in front of you looking all doe-eyed.Certainly not going to get drawn into any pseudo relationship or casual arrangements...i haven't got the patience for that, could get it on tinder without all the emotional baggage.
Despite you claiming that you're able to see the warning signs and that she's not seeing anyone else I think you are kidding yourself. All the excuses you're making for her about having had a hard life as a teen usually means that they are in fact not as innocent and naive as they appear as they had to become wordly pretty fast when they were growing up and know exactly how to play the game and get what they want by saying the right things at the right times. I'm still of the opinion she's got eyes elsewhere and/or is getting filled in by one of the roadies.
OP, some constructive advice (and I think in part echoed by Mr Roper):
It was very, very intense work as I understood it - 18 hour days, 7 days a week weren't uncommon, very tight community, very tiring, very "full on". No time to "decompress".
It was two lives, and almost two different people that you could see.
The non-theatre person was very different. The pace of life, the difference in experiences, etc. Ultimately they found that they couldn't blend the two and split up.
Mr Roper said:
Sounds to me like she's bored.
She's touring around, working hard, partying, camaraderie etc...This is 90% of her life. Then she swops hat's for a couple of days a days a month...In between making sure she drops you a hello text to keep you both sweet... It upsets her routine.
I've no doubt she loves you and wants a life with you outside of touring but maybe she's realised she can't have both.
But nothing will help you understand the situation more than an honest conversation. If she's being vague then press her....You've given up and invested a lot over 2 years so you deserve to know exactly what's going on.
I knew someone that dated someone seriously who was in the theatre. She's touring around, working hard, partying, camaraderie etc...This is 90% of her life. Then she swops hat's for a couple of days a days a month...In between making sure she drops you a hello text to keep you both sweet... It upsets her routine.
I've no doubt she loves you and wants a life with you outside of touring but maybe she's realised she can't have both.
But nothing will help you understand the situation more than an honest conversation. If she's being vague then press her....You've given up and invested a lot over 2 years so you deserve to know exactly what's going on.
It was very, very intense work as I understood it - 18 hour days, 7 days a week weren't uncommon, very tight community, very tiring, very "full on". No time to "decompress".
It was two lives, and almost two different people that you could see.
The non-theatre person was very different. The pace of life, the difference in experiences, etc. Ultimately they found that they couldn't blend the two and split up.
Vaud said:
I knew someone that dated someone seriously who was in the theatre.
It was very, very intense work as I understood it - 18 hour days, 7 days a week weren't uncommon, very tight community, very tiring, very "full on". No time to "decompress".
It was two lives, and almost two different people that you could see.
The non-theatre person was very different. The pace of life, the difference in experiences, etc. Ultimately they found that they couldn't blend the two and split up.
this is absolutely a big factor in things, and something that I do accept, if nothing else, we gave it a good go.It was very, very intense work as I understood it - 18 hour days, 7 days a week weren't uncommon, very tight community, very tiring, very "full on". No time to "decompress".
It was two lives, and almost two different people that you could see.
The non-theatre person was very different. The pace of life, the difference in experiences, etc. Ultimately they found that they couldn't blend the two and split up.
conkerman said:
If she offers you cake, tell her to fk Off!
No If she offers you cake take it, then tell her too fk Off!k off. That's what I did when I was dumped by my head fk of a ex, then when she changed her mind and decided she wanted me back and knowing woman tend to have more emotions attached then men in the bedroom saw this as the perfect opportunity to get revenge, not proud of what I did though. designforlife said:
we are seeing each other on the 21st to do xmas presents (which we had both already bought each other), and for her to get the rest of her stuff from my place.
This two week zero contact gap should be enough to cement in her mind whether she wants to walk away for good, or address the things that caused her to press the self destruct button.
It'll give us a pretty clear idea of where we both stand, and if done is done, i'll be surgically removing her from my digital life in short order.
Did you break up or go on a couple of weeks break? Does she know she has these two weeks grace? I think you're making this tougher for your self in the long run, but of course we are all different. This two week zero contact gap should be enough to cement in her mind whether she wants to walk away for good, or address the things that caused her to press the self destruct button.
It'll give us a pretty clear idea of where we both stand, and if done is done, i'll be surgically removing her from my digital life in short order.
Seaweed said:
Okay op that's good you sorted it at least you won't have to buy her a Christmas present this year so there's a saving right there.
Now make her jealous and convince her she made a huge mistake. Go out with her best friends and fire into them
If you are still at school, yes...Now make her jealous and convince her she made a huge mistake. Go out with her best friends and fire into them
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