Relationship ramble...any input?
Discussion
Steve H said:
Yep, bin off the woman you love, the moral fortitude will keep you warm at night 
No it won't but it will give the OP a little empowerment by making the first move and dishing out bad news rather then being on the receiving end. Makes no difference that he loves her; she appears not to feel the same.Steve H said:
OP, stuff is clearly going on, it might be the end or it might be a temporary glitch. Might be worth hanging around and talking some more to find out which.
It is the end OP. Don't hang around, you may end up finding out more than you wished to know.OP, why not tell her you understand her work commitments, tell her to focus on that, say you are going to just give her a bit of space.
Then accept in your mind the relationship is over. Grieve in whatever way suits you. And move on.
If she pops up again in a few weeks, ball's in your court. If she doesn't, then you knew it was over no makes no difference.
Then accept in your mind the relationship is over. Grieve in whatever way suits you. And move on.
If she pops up again in a few weeks, ball's in your court. If she doesn't, then you knew it was over no makes no difference.
OP
Sorry to hear your troubles. It's never a nice situation to experience as many other guys have attested to and likewise myself.
If I can offer one area to take a closer look at, you say she's the perfect girl for you yet she's up playing ps4 till 7am at times? And she's 30 years old? Is that really "wife" or "perfect girlfriend" or even "long term prospect" material? Be honest with yourself here. If it ends, it's much, MUCH easier not to put them on a pedestal.
Good luck
Sorry to hear your troubles. It's never a nice situation to experience as many other guys have attested to and likewise myself.
If I can offer one area to take a closer look at, you say she's the perfect girl for you yet she's up playing ps4 till 7am at times? And she's 30 years old? Is that really "wife" or "perfect girlfriend" or even "long term prospect" material? Be honest with yourself here. If it ends, it's much, MUCH easier not to put them on a pedestal.
Good luck
DrSteveBrule said:
But don't go looking, it always happens when you least expect it.
I used to think that, but after a couple years of not looking I met a girl through work friends. We seemed to hit it off, but she was just another messer girl who wanted to string me along until she found another dick to ride 
Went back to not looking again. Going to be a much cheaper Christmas
Seaweed said:
Its time to cheat on her I'm afraid.
OP
I agree with the earlier post. End it now. tell her you love her but this long distance thing isn't working and you've met someone else (even though you haven't)She then gets to tell her friends you're a heartless w
ker (even though its what she wants - remember never suss out women) and you were in control so will feel the aforementioned fortitudeEdited by Rich_W on Sunday 4th December 21:50
I was younger than you but in a similar situation. Relationship going great then all of a sudden it changed. One small insignificant argument that would have been a non-issue if the 'normal' communication was kept up turned into a huge thing. It wasn't even a big deal just missing calls from either side, playing phone tennis for an evening and not talking until the next day. Wasn't a problem for her but was a little for me.
Resulted in a very swift exit from work and having a very fast drive through 2 counties to talk things through the next evening when she finally made contact and asked me to go over. Ended up that she wanted some space until the next weekend to think about it. The next weekend came and she was too busy to see me, said she was hanging out with her mum and sister. Fine with me.
Next weekend was all booked in, normal communication was resumed and I thought all was ok. But it wasn't and she broke up with me via text a few days later... She said she wasn't sure what she wanted and needed some space to think about things without me being her boyfriend. I was absolutely gutted.
Turned out she had gone to the work Xmas party which she said she wouldn't go too on the night of the first missed communications. Fine with me but I found out through her sister who was also there 3 months after we broke up. Lie number 1.
Lie number 2 came when I found out she'd been sleeping with an older bloke for the last few weeks of our relationship and it all got too much for her.
6 years later I look back and realise what a lovely but toxic person she was and how lucky I was to have escaped that one. I hope that yours is just a slight wobble in her feelings and nothing more...
Resulted in a very swift exit from work and having a very fast drive through 2 counties to talk things through the next evening when she finally made contact and asked me to go over. Ended up that she wanted some space until the next weekend to think about it. The next weekend came and she was too busy to see me, said she was hanging out with her mum and sister. Fine with me.
Next weekend was all booked in, normal communication was resumed and I thought all was ok. But it wasn't and she broke up with me via text a few days later... She said she wasn't sure what she wanted and needed some space to think about things without me being her boyfriend. I was absolutely gutted.
Turned out she had gone to the work Xmas party which she said she wouldn't go too on the night of the first missed communications. Fine with me but I found out through her sister who was also there 3 months after we broke up. Lie number 1.
Lie number 2 came when I found out she'd been sleeping with an older bloke for the last few weeks of our relationship and it all got too much for her.
6 years later I look back and realise what a lovely but toxic person she was and how lucky I was to have escaped that one. I hope that yours is just a slight wobble in her feelings and nothing more...
She sounds like a timewaster, tell her to fk off. I expect she is cheating on you, no doubt she has a bloke on the go in this circus lifestyle she is giving and the prospect of having to hang up this lifestyle and this other guy has caused this wobble. It sounds as though she is gently trying to tell you it's over. Beat her to the punch and dump her, move on.
k off. I expect she is cheating on you, no doubt she has a bloke on the go in this circus lifestyle she is giving and the prospect of having to hang up this lifestyle and this other guy has caused this wobble. It sounds as though she is gently trying to tell you it's over. Beat her to the punch and dump her, move on. Sir_Dave said:
Maybe its just me, but if my missus was going out for say a Hen Do or similar (so away from me/not coming home etc, like when yours is on tour), i wouldnt expect her to send me text updates all night. I'd have a few beers, play on the Xbox till 11pm, go to sleep & wake up at 9am. If she texted me at 3am id probably be miffed that she woke me up 
No mention of breaking the 6 wEdited by Sir_Dave on Friday 2nd December 11:00
k barrier? Sir you are a liar Weekend relationships are hard. I had an ex I was with for 3 years saw each other every other weekend. Everything in common but it ended in a similar way she was too busy to see me for a few weeks and then the breakup. I'm now engaged to a girl I've been with for 3 years and the difference is much clearer, we saw each other 4-5 times a week from the day we met, we have less in common have frequent arguments but we both know we're the one for each other. You do need some arguing and a lot of together time, I was thinking at what point I'd spent more time with her than my ex and I reckoned after 6 months or even less. "living" or being with someone constantly is the only way you get to know them. We moved in together after 6 months, with the ex we were still debating it after 3 years.
Update time.
She came down to see me yesterday...we had a good open and long chat about things, and I broke up with her.
It's coming out of the woodwork that she has some very unexpected commitment issues due to some pretty messed up stuff that happened with her parents when she was a teen...she didn't think it had affected her, but it's all coming out with a vengeance under the circumstances of our relationship becoming more serious.
By her own admission her behaviour has been destructive in the last 3 weeks, and she realises she's effectively driven me to end things.
She also admitted that I was part of the reason she turned down the china job she was offered, and that she's actually been looking at alternative careers up to as recently as saturday.
Fundamentally, she's scared to take the leap and settle/commit to something permanent, due to seeing what that settled life did to her and her family when she was younger...she admits that a huge part of her wants that life with me, but whilst she has all these issues which she can't sort through, she's unable to clearly see what she wants, and move past her issues.
She's decided to get counselling while shes home doing panto over the next 6 weeks.
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but i appreciate she needs me out of the picture to fully appreciate what she wants from life, and she needs time to catalog her emotions and seek help. It's also best for me to be able to at least partially move on.
I know it was the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong...i left the ball in her court, so who knows, something may rise from this in the future.
She came down to see me yesterday...we had a good open and long chat about things, and I broke up with her.
It's coming out of the woodwork that she has some very unexpected commitment issues due to some pretty messed up stuff that happened with her parents when she was a teen...she didn't think it had affected her, but it's all coming out with a vengeance under the circumstances of our relationship becoming more serious.
By her own admission her behaviour has been destructive in the last 3 weeks, and she realises she's effectively driven me to end things.
She also admitted that I was part of the reason she turned down the china job she was offered, and that she's actually been looking at alternative careers up to as recently as saturday.
Fundamentally, she's scared to take the leap and settle/commit to something permanent, due to seeing what that settled life did to her and her family when she was younger...she admits that a huge part of her wants that life with me, but whilst she has all these issues which she can't sort through, she's unable to clearly see what she wants, and move past her issues.
She's decided to get counselling while shes home doing panto over the next 6 weeks.
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but i appreciate she needs me out of the picture to fully appreciate what she wants from life, and she needs time to catalog her emotions and seek help. It's also best for me to be able to at least partially move on.
I know it was the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong...i left the ball in her court, so who knows, something may rise from this in the future.
designforlife said:
I know it was the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong...i left the ball in her court, so who knows, something may rise from this in the future.
And in the meantime get on with your life and have a good one. Don't go moping about wishing that you had tried harder or waiting for her to call you to say it's all fixed and can we try for babies.If she wants to start again in a bit go for it with your eyes open but for now assume that those were good times, good memories and move on.
Rude-boy said:
And in the meantime get on with your life and have a good one. Don't go moping about wishing that you had tried harder or waiting for her to call you to say it's all fixed and can we try for babies.
If she wants to start again in a bit go for it with your eyes open but for now assume that those were good times, good memories and move on.
Pretty much the plan, she's fully aware of the damage she's done by effectively hand grenading a good relationship...whatever happens from here on will be treated with suitable caution.If she wants to start again in a bit go for it with your eyes open but for now assume that those were good times, good memories and move on.
designforlife said:
Update time.
She came down to see me yesterday...we had a good open and long chat about things, and I broke up with her.
It's coming out of the woodwork that she has some very unexpected commitment issues due to some pretty messed up stuff that happened with her parents when she was a teen...she didn't think it had affected her, but it's all coming out with a vengeance under the circumstances of our relationship becoming more serious.
By her own admission her behaviour has been destructive in the last 3 weeks, and she realises she's effectively driven me to end things.
She also admitted that I was part of the reason she turned down the china job she was offered, and that she's actually been looking at alternative careers up to as recently as saturday.
Fundamentally, she's scared to take the leap and settle/commit to something permanent, due to seeing what that settled life did to her and her family when she was younger...she admits that a huge part of her wants that life with me, but whilst she has all these issues which she can't sort through, she's unable to clearly see what she wants, and move past her issues.
She's decided to get counselling while shes home doing panto over the next 6 weeks.
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but i appreciate she needs me out of the picture to fully appreciate what she wants from life, and she needs time to catalog her emotions and seek help. It's also best for me to be able to at least partially move on.
I know it was the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong...i left the ball in her court, so who knows, something may rise from this in the future.
They always trot that line out. She's 30. She needs to grow up, she cannot blame her behaviour on her parents.She came down to see me yesterday...we had a good open and long chat about things, and I broke up with her.
It's coming out of the woodwork that she has some very unexpected commitment issues due to some pretty messed up stuff that happened with her parents when she was a teen...she didn't think it had affected her, but it's all coming out with a vengeance under the circumstances of our relationship becoming more serious.
By her own admission her behaviour has been destructive in the last 3 weeks, and she realises she's effectively driven me to end things.
She also admitted that I was part of the reason she turned down the china job she was offered, and that she's actually been looking at alternative careers up to as recently as saturday.
Fundamentally, she's scared to take the leap and settle/commit to something permanent, due to seeing what that settled life did to her and her family when she was younger...she admits that a huge part of her wants that life with me, but whilst she has all these issues which she can't sort through, she's unable to clearly see what she wants, and move past her issues.
She's decided to get counselling while shes home doing panto over the next 6 weeks.
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but i appreciate she needs me out of the picture to fully appreciate what she wants from life, and she needs time to catalog her emotions and seek help. It's also best for me to be able to at least partially move on.
I know it was the right thing to do, but it feels so wrong...i left the ball in her court, so who knows, something may rise from this in the future.
So it's all your fault and her parents is it? that's nice of her.
What she wants from life? She wants to stay up until 7am playing ps4. It is a lot easier than growing up and joining the real world. She's 30. Sounds more like a 15 year old boy.
Sorry I'm being harsh but it sounds just like what happened to me.
Best thing you can do is completely forget about her. Delete and remove everything. It's over, move on, she has.
You have been played like a fiddle son.
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