Help me rationalise - other people's childcare
Discussion
lufbramatt said:
Know the feeling- we've just semi fallen out with a friend who wanted us to come over to hers for lunch (50 min drive away- just enough for our 20 month old to fall asleep) which is great, but we said we'd be staying until his bedtime as I don't want him falling asleep in the car late afternoon then having to wake him up for an hour then try to get him back to sleep at bedtime. Much easier to get him in his pyjamas, let him fall asleep in the car then transfer him from car to cot in one smooth move.
Oh no we can't do that as she's one of these double busy people and had made arrangements to go do something else in the evening. Completely doesn't get the issue. Some mates get it, some don't, you quickly realise that you see much more of the ones that do.
Seems like an odd thing to fall out over - some people do have busy social lives (not me!!). They probably think they're doing you a favour not keeping the child there too late, or maybe they don't want a child there being noisy / making a mess etc. for too long. Surely there needs to be a bit of give and take.Oh no we can't do that as she's one of these double busy people and had made arrangements to go do something else in the evening. Completely doesn't get the issue. Some mates get it, some don't, you quickly realise that you see much more of the ones that do.
Edited by lufbramatt on Tuesday 6th December 09:57
I do wonder, reading some of these replies where the child has a very strict routine they must adhere to, whether these parents are in charge or the kids are?...
It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
Shakermaker said:
My wife and I do not yet have any children.
However, I find the behaviour of some people I know with children, to be completely at odds with how I expect I will be as a parent in future, in particular, that of my wife's brother and his wife, who have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Not being a parent though I don't have the moral high ground, just an opinion and I want to know if my opinion is "wrong" based on the thinking of the PH masses.
I think most of this is from the sister in law.
This Christmas, they are flying back to the UK to see all the family and are staying with my mother in law. They are all coming to visit us Christmas Eve for lunch and staying for tea, so that my MiL can see my parents again as she hasn't seen them since my wedding, same with the family.
My wife then received a message from the sister in law about whether or not we have two spare bedrooms in the house. Why, I thought, they are not staying overnight?
Apparently, both children still need to have an afternoon nap. But they cannot have the afternoon nap, in the same room, and they MUST have their nap between 3pm - 4pm.
I can understand it entirely with the 18 month old. But really, do people still put their 4 year olds down for a nap? And on Christmas Eve, are they not going to be so excited by the prospect of Christmas the next day, now that he understands it all, that giving him a nap is just going to mean he is even less likely to sleep in the evening? And do you go and put them down for a nap, at someone else's house when you are visiting family?
How far off base am I being when I think this is just a bit awkward, and that's before we get to the attitude of the sister in law when things like this are The Most Important Thing Ever?
Other friends of ours who have children seem to be able to cope completely without this faff and "a nap" when they come to visit is in the car seat or pram or we just lie them down on the sofa and leave them to it.
fHowever, I find the behaviour of some people I know with children, to be completely at odds with how I expect I will be as a parent in future, in particular, that of my wife's brother and his wife, who have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Not being a parent though I don't have the moral high ground, just an opinion and I want to know if my opinion is "wrong" based on the thinking of the PH masses.
I think most of this is from the sister in law.
This Christmas, they are flying back to the UK to see all the family and are staying with my mother in law. They are all coming to visit us Christmas Eve for lunch and staying for tea, so that my MiL can see my parents again as she hasn't seen them since my wedding, same with the family.
My wife then received a message from the sister in law about whether or not we have two spare bedrooms in the house. Why, I thought, they are not staying overnight?
Apparently, both children still need to have an afternoon nap. But they cannot have the afternoon nap, in the same room, and they MUST have their nap between 3pm - 4pm.
I can understand it entirely with the 18 month old. But really, do people still put their 4 year olds down for a nap? And on Christmas Eve, are they not going to be so excited by the prospect of Christmas the next day, now that he understands it all, that giving him a nap is just going to mean he is even less likely to sleep in the evening? And do you go and put them down for a nap, at someone else's house when you are visiting family?
How far off base am I being when I think this is just a bit awkward, and that's before we get to the attitude of the sister in law when things like this are The Most Important Thing Ever?
Other friends of ours who have children seem to be able to cope completely without this faff and "a nap" when they come to visit is in the car seat or pram or we just lie them down on the sofa and leave them to it.
k me, this must be the most boring thread topic in PH history. Get a life and stop worrying about a couple of kids having a lie down. I couldn't give a fk and I'm surprised anyone else does either.C.A.R. said:
I do wonder, reading some of these replies where the child has a very strict routine they must adhere to, whether these parents are in charge or the kids are?...
It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
We've always taken ours to airshows. My eldest slept through the Avro Vulcan's displays. Flying Legends at IWM Duxford is an afternoon display but a busy one. They'll walk miles during the morning and as soon as a big piston engine fires to live, they get drowsy!It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
I'm not sure whether I'm proud or disappointed!
This helps non-parents, like me, to understand:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-F...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-F...
C.A.R. said:
I do wonder, reading some of these replies where the child has a very strict routine they must adhere to, whether these parents are in charge or the kids are?...
It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
Some of the very best behaved and most adjusted children i know (a few of whom are now old enough for children of their own soon It's like the noise argument. Shhhh - the baby's just gone down for a nap. No, sod that - carry on as you were or you'll set a precedence for future naps. Kids who can sleep through ambient background noise are the best.
) where given a few set times early on (getting up, tea and bed times mainly) but with the odd change here and there when it was impractical such as staying with friends etc. Other than that there were no real changes to how the parents lead their lives in terms of if they wanted to put Dark Side of the Moon on at 2am and turn it up to 11 they would.My observation is that children will always take as much rope as you give them. Get them used to being part of a family from day one, not the centre of the family. They soon learn that that noise that just woke them was daddy playing his music again and go straight back to sleep. Likewise one of the biggest little s
ts i have to encounter when seeing their parents has been treated like royalty since day one and acts like it. I mean we used to even have to whisper conversations downstairs in case we woke the little bubba...
Shakermaker said:
My wife and I do not yet have any children.
However, I find the behaviour of some people I know with children, to be completely at odds with how I expect I will be as a parent in future, in particular, that of my wife's brother and his wife, who have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Not being a parent though I don't have the moral high ground, just an opinion and I want to know if my opinion is "wrong" based on the thinking of the PH masses.
I think most of this is from the sister in law.
This Christmas, they are flying back to the UK to see all the family and are staying with my mother in law. They are all coming to visit us Christmas Eve for lunch and staying for tea, so that my MiL can see my parents again as she hasn't seen them since my wedding, same with the family.
My wife then received a message from the sister in law about whether or not we have two spare bedrooms in the house. Why, I thought, they are not staying overnight?
Apparently, both children still need to have an afternoon nap. But they cannot have the afternoon nap, in the same room, and they MUST have their nap between 3pm - 4pm.
Both my kids had given up their afternoon naps by 2 - 4 1/2 seems very late considering they will be starting school soon, and I can't imagine many pre-schools accommodating an afternoon nap at that age.However, I find the behaviour of some people I know with children, to be completely at odds with how I expect I will be as a parent in future, in particular, that of my wife's brother and his wife, who have a 4 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. Not being a parent though I don't have the moral high ground, just an opinion and I want to know if my opinion is "wrong" based on the thinking of the PH masses.
I think most of this is from the sister in law.
This Christmas, they are flying back to the UK to see all the family and are staying with my mother in law. They are all coming to visit us Christmas Eve for lunch and staying for tea, so that my MiL can see my parents again as she hasn't seen them since my wedding, same with the family.
My wife then received a message from the sister in law about whether or not we have two spare bedrooms in the house. Why, I thought, they are not staying overnight?
Apparently, both children still need to have an afternoon nap. But they cannot have the afternoon nap, in the same room, and they MUST have their nap between 3pm - 4pm.
I guess their demands come from the fear of getting the kids out of routine, kids being overtired, having tantrums etc. Any parent will know that feeling but find it hard to believe at that age!
giger said:
Both my kids had given up their afternoon naps by 2 - 4 1/2 seems very late considering they will be starting school soon, and I can't imagine many pre-schools accommodating an afternoon nap at that age.
I guess their demands come from the fear of getting the kids out of routine, kids being overtired, having tantrums etc. Any parent will know that feeling but find it hard to believe at that age!
When my youngest started school (8yrs or so ago now) we were asked about daytime naps after the first couple of weeks.I guess their demands come from the fear of getting the kids out of routine, kids being overtired, having tantrums etc. Any parent will know that feeling but find it hard to believe at that age!
Our daughter hadnt really had one for a couple of years but had managed to persuade the teacher that she had so would get half an hour every afternoon!!
desolate said:
When my youngest started school (8yrs or so ago now) we were asked about daytime naps after the first couple of weeks.
Our daughter hadnt really had one for a couple of years but had managed to persuade the teacher that she had so would get half an hour every afternoon!!
Your daughter is a genius. If I were the teacher I'd feel like a right tit having been outsmarted by a 4 year oldOur daughter hadnt really had one for a couple of years but had managed to persuade the teacher that she had so would get half an hour every afternoon!!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff