Christmas Bad News
Discussion
Firstly, have followed your "antics" on here and love your style of writing, and gift for storytelling.
Current circumstances are dreadful for you and your good lady. Puts some of the other stuff that we worry about or stress over into perspective.
Bad and all as this is for you, it will be even worse for her, and however difficult you find it, you will have to be there for her.
Myself and Mrs. AM suffered through quite a few miscarriages. ( we didn't know it at the time, but she had a very nasty illness which was diagnosed later).
And the positive, when you do have your children, you appreciate them even more ( I know that sounds trite) , but they are even more of a miracle.
Keep your chin up, be there for her, and know that you are in the thoughts of many.
Current circumstances are dreadful for you and your good lady. Puts some of the other stuff that we worry about or stress over into perspective.
Bad and all as this is for you, it will be even worse for her, and however difficult you find it, you will have to be there for her.
Myself and Mrs. AM suffered through quite a few miscarriages. ( we didn't know it at the time, but she had a very nasty illness which was diagnosed later).
And the positive, when you do have your children, you appreciate them even more ( I know that sounds trite) , but they are even more of a miracle.
Keep your chin up, be there for her, and know that you are in the thoughts of many.
My eldest was playing up a bit this afternoon, hard work to get her bedroom tidied even with santa watching etc.
Having read this thread yesterday, I certainly had another perspective on it
Again, deepest sympathies to the F's and others suffering such cruel traumas just now
Stay strong
Having read this thread yesterday, I certainly had another perspective on it
Again, deepest sympathies to the F's and others suffering such cruel traumas just now
Stay strong
Just seen this thread, have no words but my thoughts go out to you.
You sound like a strong couple so I am sure time will help with the pain and there will be brighter times ahead.
Make sure you take care of your OH, even if she puts a brave face on now she will be affected as much as you, if not more so.
You sound like a strong couple so I am sure time will help with the pain and there will be brighter times ahead.
Make sure you take care of your OH, even if she puts a brave face on now she will be affected as much as you, if not more so.
Smitters said:
Two things.
First, I'm right with you. We had our 13 week scan last week. No heartbeat sound. No wriggling. Just total dread. They can see a six week old development, but no detectable heartbeat. Cue lots of quizzing about dates. We're certain we're 13 weeks. We were given a leaflet and sent home, told we'd get a call to arrange another more detailed scan, maybe that afternoon, but within 24 hours.
24 hours later we're calling the hospital, expecting to arrange to come in asap, only to be told that the next scan is in two weeks time, so they can confirm no growth and then proceed from there. I get why, but given our date certainty, we are sure. Thus, we are "enjoying" Christmas knowing that on the 28th we go for our second scan, instead of being away with the OHs parents and all the while, there is a distinct possibility the physical miscarriage may start.
We had exactly this with one of our miscarriages, albeit we were at 10 weeks with no development since 6. They have to do 2 scans to confirm no development between the 2. It's sFirst, I'm right with you. We had our 13 week scan last week. No heartbeat sound. No wriggling. Just total dread. They can see a six week old development, but no detectable heartbeat. Cue lots of quizzing about dates. We're certain we're 13 weeks. We were given a leaflet and sent home, told we'd get a call to arrange another more detailed scan, maybe that afternoon, but within 24 hours.
24 hours later we're calling the hospital, expecting to arrange to come in asap, only to be told that the next scan is in two weeks time, so they can confirm no growth and then proceed from there. I get why, but given our date certainty, we are sure. Thus, we are "enjoying" Christmas knowing that on the 28th we go for our second scan, instead of being away with the OHs parents and all the while, there is a distinct possibility the physical miscarriage may start.
t I know but it is the system. Part of the reason is for cases like our last miscarriage - in for an early scan (given our history we had one around 7 weeks) there was no heartbeat. Here we go again but come back a week later for the second scan to confirm only to be told the baby appears to be doing well and is obviously just a week or so begin where we thought we were. It was the scan a week after that confirmed the miscarriage... the emotional rollercoaster we went through is something so cruel I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But as I said in my previous post, it does get easier with time and we are now expecting a son or daughter in June.My advice to you, the OP and anyone affected by this is talk talk talk and stay as positive as you can for the future.
In tears here. Utterly, utterly saddening, feel for all those who've been or are going through this.
We had a very early miscarriage, well before any thoughts of scans or anything like that. Tough enough. A few years ago I did some training on the Kubler-Ross change curve (at work, about the third different course that included it, but delivered by some thought-provoking chaps with a focus on practical application) changed the way I've dealt with loss ever since.
Thoughts will be firmly with you. The loss will never go away, but I truly hope the future is bright enough to ensure the shadow is dimmed.
We had a very early miscarriage, well before any thoughts of scans or anything like that. Tough enough. A few years ago I did some training on the Kubler-Ross change curve (at work, about the third different course that included it, but delivered by some thought-provoking chaps with a focus on practical application) changed the way I've dealt with loss ever since.
Thoughts will be firmly with you. The loss will never go away, but I truly hope the future is bright enough to ensure the shadow is dimmed.
They just wheeled her into the anaesthetic room to put her under general, and I fell to pieces when they asked me to let go of her hand.
I know that this is just a minor procedure and a small bump in the road for us, but right now it feels huge and appalling.
Sitting in the waiting room for her to come out in an hour if all goes ok. Then I have to take the samples of our dead baby to the genetics lab in Goodge Street myself - couriers etc didn't work out, and Lady F didn't want to ask friends for help, wanting me to do this as she knows she can rely on me. Am in bits. Can't even imagine what she's going through right now.
This is properly awful.
I know that this is just a minor procedure and a small bump in the road for us, but right now it feels huge and appalling.
Sitting in the waiting room for her to come out in an hour if all goes ok. Then I have to take the samples of our dead baby to the genetics lab in Goodge Street myself - couriers etc didn't work out, and Lady F didn't want to ask friends for help, wanting me to do this as she knows she can rely on me. Am in bits. Can't even imagine what she's going through right now.
This is properly awful.
Rubbish, but try and take strength in the fact that people like me are 400 miles away but know how you feel and are willing you on to get through it.
We have our 20 week scan at 1130 this morning. Genuinely; if someone had told me that we would be back in this position so soon I wouldn't have believed it.
The day I drove my little man myself to the crematorium in his tiny coffin, 20th September 2014 I wouldn't have believed it would be possible. Yet here we are with a 14 month old and another on the way, which shows that you can soldier on and get to where you want to be as a family.
We have our 20 week scan at 1130 this morning. Genuinely; if someone had told me that we would be back in this position so soon I wouldn't have believed it.
The day I drove my little man myself to the crematorium in his tiny coffin, 20th September 2014 I wouldn't have believed it would be possible. Yet here we are with a 14 month old and another on the way, which shows that you can soldier on and get to where you want to be as a family.
I'm not going to say that I understand what you're going through because I can't and almost certainly never will. I just can't imagine how awful it must be for you both. However, my closest friend and his wife went through exactly what you're going through now. It was a terrible and obviously very upsetting time for them and his wife was resigning herself to the fact that she had somehow failed and that she'd never have kids.
Two years later everything had changed and she gave birth to their son without any issues or complications. Whilst they will never forget what they went through, the void of unhappiness and disappointment was ultimately more than filled. It was heart-breakingly tough for them and almost torturous to be a friend who can support them but not be able to fully comprehend the nightmare they had to endure but they didn't give up, they persisted and they succeeded. They had each other and they had friends who cared for them.
I genuinely hope you achieve the same and ultimately get the result you want.
Two years later everything had changed and she gave birth to their son without any issues or complications. Whilst they will never forget what they went through, the void of unhappiness and disappointment was ultimately more than filled. It was heart-breakingly tough for them and almost torturous to be a friend who can support them but not be able to fully comprehend the nightmare they had to endure but they didn't give up, they persisted and they succeeded. They had each other and they had friends who cared for them.
I genuinely hope you achieve the same and ultimately get the result you want.
Really very sorry to hear this. There's an awful added piquancy when something as terrible as this occurs close to a notable date/occasion, particularly one which is supposed to be full of joy, simply because that point in time is always a reminder.
It was a long time ago but when I was a child, my mother died on the 22nd December, in childbirth, giving birth to my (healthy) sister. That was 54 years ago.
The only other frame of reference I have is mine & MrsC's infertility. The effect that had, and still continues to, has been really tough.
I hope things head in the right direction for you both in the future, however long that takes.
It was a long time ago but when I was a child, my mother died on the 22nd December, in childbirth, giving birth to my (healthy) sister. That was 54 years ago.
The only other frame of reference I have is mine & MrsC's infertility. The effect that had, and still continues to, has been really tough.
I hope things head in the right direction for you both in the future, however long that takes.
Edited by CAPP0 on Friday 23 December 11:42
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